“We ask men to be vulnerable, we beg them to let us in, and we plead with them to tell us when they’re afraid, but the truth is that most women can’t stomach it. In these moments when real vulnerability happens in men, most of us recoil with fear and that fear manifests as everything from disappointment to disgust. And men are very smart” (Brene Brown, Daring Greatly).
What most women don’t know is that just reading this list can make a grown man cry. These things happen on a daily basis for many husbands who don’t dare discuss them.
Here is Jonalyn’s starter-kit list for women.
- Believing my husband is substandard when I have to do manual labor due to his absence/illness/unavailability. e.g. snow shoveling.
- Avoiding eye contact when he admits feeling overwhelmed.
- Taking over when he seems to fumble.
- Assuming his emotional absence (shut down) is normal and natural for men and refusing to pursue his feelings.
- Showing embarrassment when he’s afraid.
- Expecting him to shoulder the hardest work (emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually) without complaint.
- Never ask him what he’s afraid of. Refusing to offer him the understanding and sympathy I offer my girlfriends when he’s overwhelmed.
- Expecting him to tolerate more criticism than a woman.
- Growing quickly impatient when he doesn’t demonstrate mastery over a project: from booking social events to filing our taxes to fixing the kitchen sink.
- Becoming business-like and cold when he asks for help.
- Knowing our girlfriend’s needs and wants more than we know our own husband’s.
- Hiding his mistakes from our kids, as if they (like me) cannot handle him being vulnerable.
- Expecting him to have more strength than I do.
- Expecting him to shoulder more grunt-work.
- Expecting him to “man-up” (whatever that means) when I want him to do something unpleasant.
- Expecting him (when you’re both equally fire-arm trained) to inspect every scary sound in the house and calling him names (even in your head) when he shows hesitation.
What To Do With This Information
For the Women: You have more personal influence and power in your relationship than you know. Your ability to inspire feelings of confidence and well-being in your man is available to you at all times – every minute of every day. What might you stop doing today and start doing tomorrow that could change his world in an instant? You have this secret power – why wouldn’t you use it?
For the Men: Admit it. You want pinky power. You love pinky power. Her touch of approval and acceptance is a gift you want more. If we’re honest, those are the feelings we seek through being physical, aren’t they? Don’t be ashamed of your needs and vulnerability. Stand proud in your manly desire for her pinky power. Explain it without apology or fear. Find out what HER version of pinky power is from you. Then apply generously.
Written by Steve Horsmon
Originally appeared on YourTango.com
The perception that guys only want sex is so wrong. Yes, sex is very important to them, but that does not mean they want only that. There are so many other things, that guys like more than sex. Women need to sometimes take a step back and realize that men are emotional beings too, and they also want emotional acceptance from their partners.