Are you feeling insecure in your relationship and wondering if it’s a red flag?
Did you start out feeling confident but have you, over time, started questioning yourself in the relationship and how and why things are happening the way they are happening?
Do you find yourself doing anything you can to feel more secure in the relationship, to no avail?
If you are feeling insecure in a relationship, there can be many reasons why. Most of them are, I am afraid, red flags, so being aware of that is very important for your future happiness, whether in this relationship or another.
Here are 5 reasons why feeling insecure in a relationship might be a red flag.
1. You aren’t being treated well.
Ask yourself this question – are you being treated well in this relationship?
Does your person show up when say they are going to? Are they honest with you? Do they treat you with respect? Do they include you in activities that they enjoy doing?
If your answer to any of these questions is no, you are not being treated well. And not being treated well can make someone insecure to the extreme, especially if you were being treated well at the beginning of the relationship.
And, needless to say, if you are not being treated well in a relationship, it’s a HUGE red flag that the relationship is not a healthy one.
Don’t try to hold on to how things were in the beginning, trying to believe that, if you only try hard enough, or hang around long enough, things can get back to the way they were. The old days are gone. And if you aren’t being treated well, time to get out!
2. You are not being yourself.
Be honest with yourself. Are you being your true self in this relationship? Would your friends say that the person you are when you are with your partner is the person who you usually are?
Many people who are feeling insecure in a relationship are so because they aren’t being their authentic selves. Instead, they have twisted themselves into a pretzel, trying to be who their person wants them to be. As a result, they know, deep down, that they aren’t being themselves and their partner loves someone else.
I have a client who loved to drink and when she was with her boyfriend, who was in recovery, she didn’t drink. She said that she was fine with this but when they weren’t together, she got hammered. And he didn’t want to be in a relationship with a girl who got hammered. All of this made her feel bad about herself and ultimately their relationship fell apart.
So, ask yourself if you are being authentic. If you aren’t, you feeling insecure in a relationship might be about that and it is a huge red flag that your relationship could fail.
3. You are ignoring signs.
You know when you see something very clearly but you choose to ignore it because you just don’t want to deal?
Like you know that if you don’t finish this project in time, you might get fired. Or if you don’t apologize to your sister, things are going to get worse? Or if you know that your credit card payment is due so you hide the bill so you don’t have to think about it?
All of those things won’t help you feel good about yourself in any way and usually lead to feelings of insecurity.
It is the same thing in a relationship. For my client who pretended she didn’t drink when she was with her guy, she was also a pro at ignoring any signs that the relationship wasn’t all that she wanted it to be.