Embracing wholeness in your life can seem like an intimidating and sometimes confusing thing to do. But you can start by taking a deep look into yourself.
WHOLENESS, such a big word to embrace.
What does it even mean? Whole. Entire. Full. Complete?
In the world of psychology, we are really good at defining what is wrong with us. The system teaches us to diagnose, label, and symptomize to help people heal. That’s what I learned at University: to put people into boxes. But what does it look like to be whole? Can we define it? Would we know it if we saw it? Are there degrees of wholeness? Does wholeness look the same for you as it does for me?
I don’t have the answers, but I can tell you what wholeness feels like to me. I can tell you that I have tried absolutely everything except the obvious: Doing absolutely nothing at all. And once I embraced the emptiness, I found the fullness within.
When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.
Holding yourself exactly as you are
Wholeness is a complex and personal issue because it involves all of what makes us human – mind, body, soul, emotions, and relationships. All of the experiences that have shaped us. None of these can be scientifically studied in a vacuum, put under a microscope, or dissected.
I believe wholeness is everything that is contained within us, from past, present, and future, which is not dependent upon our circumstances. Wholeness implies holding yourself exactly as you are.
A whole person is able to find comfort within the discomfort of life. Yet, wholeness is hard to embrace because brokenness often feels more overwhelming, painful, wrong, and prevalent. As much as we are not broken, we are also never not whole. Once you embrace all of who you are, there is nothing to be healed. A whole person is a healed person. Simple, yet not always easy.⠀⠀
The burden of brokenness
Brokenness is something that most of us know and want to avoid. Broken feels painful, shameful, bad, and frightening; full of meaning that is taught to be avoided or fixed at all costs.
If there has been trauma, brokenness can feel more acute and sometimes take more time and patience to work with. Trauma (Latin rout: wound) is a psychological wound that interferes with your ability to grow and thrive. It induces fear and shame to a point where your whole life is regulated by pain & regret that you’re trying to escape from in various ways. Trauma, no matter how “big” or “little” it may be, makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling, and more defended.
Being patient and attuning to our needs in the present moment is how we dance between effort (keeping daily promises to self) and surrender (allowing our emotions to guide us). This dance between effort and surrender gives birth to insight, healing, and wholing.
I believe healing from the illusion of brokenness is a matter of releasing what we have been told, so we can remember who we truly are. It’s the space and place where there’s no more hiding – only embracing of all of it.
Healing is the return of the memory of wholeness!