How To Find Out If He Wants A Long Term Relationship With You

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he wants a long term relationship

Is he serious about you? Does he want to be in a relationship with you? Does he want a committed relationship with you? These are some of the most crucial questions you may ask yourself when you start dating someone, especially if you feel that he is “The One”. But how can you know if he is looking for a long term relationship like you are? How can you find out without scaring him away? Here’s a simple yet effective way from life and relationship coach Helena Hart that will help you find out if he wants a relationship.

Exactly How To Find Out If He Wants A Relationship (Here’s What To Ask)

Hi, this is Helena Hart. Today, I’m going to be answering a question I received from a woman in our community who wants to know what to say to a man to find out whether or not he’s looking to be in a long-term committed relationship.

This is such a great question that women ask about all the time— whether they’re single and dating and meeting a lot of new men all the time.

They might have their eye on one particular man and want to find out what he’s looking for in terms of whether or not he wants to be in a relationship right now.

Hopefully, this will be helpful for you if you’re wondering whether he wants a relationship.

Long term relationship

I want to start by saying that it’s important to check where you’re coming from before just coming out and asking a man whether he wants a commitment.

You want to be coming from a place of genuine curiosity and true confidence where you’re just getting to know him and want to find out more about who he is. You’re not so attached to the outcome or the results of this conversation or whatever he’s about to say, right?

If he doesn’t give you the answer you were hoping for if you’re going to be completely devastated and you’re super attached to the outcome, it might not be a good time to ask him if he wants a long-term committed relationship.

If you have a strong agenda or attachment to his response, a man can feel that and might feel that you like want something from him that he may not be ready or able to give you right now.

Read: 3 Secrets To Achieving Love Without Attachment

That’s why it’s always important to see whether or not you have an agenda beforehand.

But if you’re coming from a place of genuine curiosity and you’re getting to know a man and the conversation is flowing and everything is feeling really good, that’s fantastic.

You can say this at any point when you’re coming from a place of true confidence where you’re not attached to the outcome or the result of this conversation. True confidence means you know your value and that you have the options.

If this particular man doesn’t want the same things as you or if you’re not on the same page, you’re going to be fine, right? Because there are so many men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you if that’s what you’re truly looking for.

For exactly what to say to a man to find out if he wants a relationship, every situation is different.

You’re going to have to custom-tailor this based on the conversation you’re having, the kind of man he is and all kinds of things like that.

But I want to give you kind of a general template of something you can say to find out if he wants a relationship. Ask him something like:

“If you could create anything you wanted or if you could create your ideal situation in your love life, what would that be? What would it look like?”

His answer to that question will give you a lot of information about where he’s at and what he’s looking for in terms of dating and relationships.

I have found that most men who are wanting a committed partner and looking to be in a serious relationship will welcome that question and will be straightforward and upfront or say something like, “I’ve been single for a little while and I would love to meet that one special person, settle down and get married one day or have kids with” (or whatever he’s looking for).

long term relationship

If the doesn’t want a long-term relationship, most men are still pretty straightforward.

They might say, “I just got out of a relationship, so I’m not really looking to jump into anything serious right now. I’m just looking to have fun and go on dates and get to know people.”

Usually, men are pretty straight forward about whether they want a relationship— one way or the other.

An exception to this is you know a man who doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want to be honest about that because he senses that’s what you want and he wants to keep you around or keep you on the back burner in case you’d be open to something casual or in case he changes his mind down the road or something like that.

Read: Understanding Men: What They Say & What They Mean

He might give you like a really vague answer like, “I’m not really looking for something serious but I’m open to possibilities.”

I’m trying to think of some vague answers I’ve heard from that in my past, something like, “Well, I’m not really sure if we’re meant for monogamy as humans but I’m open to meeting the right person one day.”

Or something really vague where you can’t really get a clear sense of what he just said. That’s a sign he is not looking for a relationship or he doesn’t believe in monogamy.

A lot of men who have that point of view are very vocal about it and they’ll be pretty straightforward or they’ll give you kind of a vague response because they want to kind of keep you around.

I’ve found most men will welcome questions about whether they want a relationship.

If they’re looking to be in a relationship and they get the sense that that’s what you want, especially if you’ve met on an online dating site or something like that, most men will tell you.

They’ll say something like, “I would love to meet the right person for me and settle down one day.”

He might even give you some kind of timeline like, “this something I want before this age” or “I’m looking for a relationship within the next few years.”

You want to really listen to his answer.

Let me recap what to ask a man to find out if he wants a relationship.

“If you could create anything in your love life or if you could create your ideal situation in dating and relationships, what would that look like. What would that be?”

And really listen to his answer.

What happens when we are up in our heads, when we are in our masculine energy, a lot of times we’re cut off from our feminine energy intuition where a man will tell you in a pretty straightforward way right up front whether he’s looking for a relationship.

We could miss those red flags and signs he’s not interested in a relationship if we’re caught up in the strong feelings of chemistry or attraction.

Read: Has The Attraction Waned? 4 Things To Know About Keeping A Long-term Relationship Alive

We might want him to have certain answers and we’re listening for that when it’s not really what he is saying, right?

The secret to a committed relationship.

I know, I’ve certainly been there and maybe you can relate to that too.

In general, men are pretty upfront about what they’re looking for unless they’re giving you some kind of vague answer in which case I would say that is a little bit of a red flag.

That’s what I have for today on how to find out if a man is looking to be in a committed relationship or not. This is how to find out if he’s looking for something casual and whether or not he’s ready for what you are looking for.

I’d love to hear the response you got from a man or maybe you have another way to find out what he’s looking for.

I have found that most men really welcome direct, straightforward communication as long as you don’t have this huge expectation tied to it. Like when you don’t have a really strong agenda or you’re going to be super disappointed if you don’t get the response you’re hoping for from him.

If you’re looking to attract, attract a high-quality man into a lasting committed relationship or really deep in the connection and intimacy between you, don’t miss my feminine secrets to getting inside a man’s heart.

Read: Mindful Dating: Here’s How You Can Avoid Disappointments While Dating

Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:


Written by: Helena Hart
Originally appeared in: Attract The One


As Helena said, most men are pretty straightforward and if you can utilize this strategy tactfully, you will have a clear answer regarding where he is standing on love, dating, and relationships. If he feels the same way as you do, you can take it as fast and slow as you like. However, the goal is not to jump into a committed relationship, rather to date with purpose.

Finding out if he wants a committed relationship or not can make a lot of difference to your life and give you more clarity about the man you’re dating. But you need to make sure that you’re not attached to the outcome. Knowing what he is looking for can help you avoid investing too much into him and save your time if he just wants to play around and keep things casual.

How To Find Out If a Man Really Wants A Committed Relationship With You
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