For this to happen, you need a careful balance of knowing the kind of partner you want while allowing yourself to be surprised.
Another pitfall of modern dating is that you end up overthinking everything. Instead of living in the moment and allowing the adventure to unfold, you get locked into fixed mindsets and preconceived ideas.
For true romance and love to bloom, you need to get your thinking out of it. Yet, like any great adventure, you also need some clear parameters of what you’re willing and not willing to explore.
So, we’re not talking about whether your mate will have blue eyes or blond hair.
Instead, you need to have a clear idea of the kind of relationship and lifestyle you want for yourself, and that includes any dealbreakers – like whether it’s ok if your partner doesn’t want children or already has them. Or whether you can handle someone who needs to be very social when you’d rather stay in.
When you know your deal-breakers up front and commit to sticking to them, you prevent yourself from being blinded by early chemistry.
“Date someone because you already see a future, not because you want to see if you would work out.” – Sarah Moores
3) Knowing What To Do (And What To Avoid)
There are ways to interact from the first few moments of connection that will set the stage for an authentic, lasting relationship.
I’m talking about asking specific questions as early as the first date – questions that you previously would have avoided because you thought they were too forward or intrusive.
The reality is that people are MUCH more likely to tell you what they’re all about when they haven’t yet invested in a relationship. The irony is that as they “spill the beans,” you’ll be accomplishing two things:
- You’ll create a connection that is much more profound than you’d normally experience so early on – the kind of connection that lets two people know that something special is happening. And this kind of connection is like crazy glue that will hold you together.
- On the other hand, you’ll also be able to tell very early – before you get your heart involved – if this person does NOT have what it takes to create lasting love with you.
The Critical Importance Of Your First Few Dates
How you handle the early stages of dating is critical to your happiness in love. After 40 years of counseling couples in crisis, I’ve seen over and over that the majority of their struggles could have been prevented had they practiced smart dating skills early on.
In fact, many of the problems that are making them question their love and compatibility can be traced back to their first few months of dating.
Written by Randi Gunther Ph.D.
Originally appeared in Heroic Love