Dating today. It’s all about who cares more and who can show it less.
It’s strategy and games and fucking with each other.
And it’s using those devices for communication to simply confuse each other more and not clearly communicate anything at all.
Because dating today is anything but simple.
“Why don’t you just go date him?”
Let me get right on that mom. If only it were so easy.
If dating today were like Legends of a Hidden Temple on Nickelodeon, getting someone to admit they like you and want to be in a relationship is like the final round in Olmec’s Temple and every room is a different social media platform. And you have to be so careful with where you step or you’ll be captured by the temple guards and get banished. (Aka ghosted.)
But if I sat there and tried to explain to my dear mother, mom he hasn’t added me on snap chat, or followed me on insta or sent me a friend request yet. We have to wait and play it cool.
Or if I told her I’m salty AF about the fact he opened my snap and didn’t answer. But then he went and liked my latest insta. Or he ignored my text then tagged me in something. And I’m still trying to play it cool.
If I tried to explain to her, that yes there’s a difference between real texting and snap texting.
That you can’t look at a snap story too quickly because it’ll reveal you care.
That you can’t be the first one to like something on Instagram.
Or tagging each other in memes and sending pics is a whole new level everyone hopes to get to, I think my mother’s head would spin.
Because mine is spinning.
Then don’t even get me started on dating apps.
We are alone together no one is making a move. We know we both feel something. But nothing. Then the second I leave we match and what the fuck do I even open up with, “sorry I didn’t check my Bumble before coming over, to have given you that confidence to do something?”
Give me a break.
It’s the three-day rule but waiting days to answer even though you’ve wanted to hear from them all week.
It’s never sending a double text.
“Are you guys dating? Is he your boyfriend?”
If I tried to explain to my mom, there’s a whole phase first of overcoming apps and social media, then the next accomplished milestone is “we’re talking.”
Then my mom asks, “well what’s talking?”
Mom, it’s a sad excuse for people who fear commitment and don’t know if they want you yet. Kind of like test driving a car. And during that phase, you can’t drop the fuck off the earth without an explanation because you aren’t dating yet.
It sounds crazy because it is.
Everyone’s waiting for the other person to make a move but the person who does that suddenly loses power.
So we are more connected than ever but more disconnected emotionally because society has taught us caring isn’t cool.
We’ve all been conditioned to suddenly care less about someone or be turned off by the person who shows they give a damn then be more interested in the other person who is keeping us guessing.
I’m sorry but what the actual flip are we all doing.
We claim we want relationships or want to see someone yet the second we get a message, we unmatch them because hey isn’t clever enough or their third picture isn’t attractive.
We claim we want relationships and want to see someone but we cancel the day of for reasons we don’t even know.
We claim we want relationships and want to see someone but everyone is acting like single is the cool thing to be while I know most people feel a sense of loneliness.
We are lacking a vital connection that everyone needs in their life which is an emotional connection with someone we’d maybe like to date.
But no one wants to put labels on things. Everyone wants their options open.
Everyone wants sex but doesn’t care about love.
Everyone wants someone but everyone is afraid to do something about it.
Everyone says they hate being single but they’d rather spend a Friday night alone watching Netflix and swiping than try stepping out their front door.
Everyone wants to rush to bed with some stranger rather than get to know them. Then if you get there too fast you, suddenly that person is easy and not, “dating material.”
We’re all looking for every reason for something not to work.
It’s like we want to be unhappy continually pining after something but we are not even able to recognize something good when it comes knocking at our door.
We are conditioned to never be satisfied and constantly be looking for the next best thing. It’s the paradox of choice when we have too many options, we are completely frozen and don’t do anything at all.
We’d rather judge someone so harshly for something so small and never give them a fair shot.
I’m sorry but that doesn’t work for me.
And dating today isn’t what dating should be.
Call me old fashion because I believe relationships should be more than this.
An actual date where we sit down and engage in conversation getting to know each other in the moment is where it should start. And we shouldn’t even think about where the night is going to end and if we’ll wake up together.
Everyone cares about where things are going to end and yet everyone wonders why things end so abruptly without an ending at all.
Ghosting. Un-friending. Unfollow. No longer liking shit. No longer looking at stories. This is how relationships end today and personally, I think it’s a bunch of BS.
Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t like me. You don’t want to see me again.
But when your only reason for that conclusion is because I care too much, you look like a fool. So you settle for the low-key fade out because it’s easier for you.
Dating today is exhausting and that’s even before you get to a date or a relationship.
And I refuse to play the game.
If I like you, I’ll text you when I feel like.
I’ll like whatever I feel like on social media and not think twice about it.
I’ll send snaps or memes when I think of you.
I’ll look at your snap story first every time because I care about what you’re doing and I probably wish I could be there.
I’ll swipe right not out of curiosity but rather because I would like to see you.
And I won’t have a problem to be the one initiating plans.
If I like you, I’m going to want to see you.
If I like you, I’m not going to play you or fuck with how you feel because society tells me I’m not supposed to care that much.
And maybe all of those things go against the game I’m supposed to play to trick someone into dating me. But honestly, why would I play a game I hate?
If we hate the way dating is today don’t complain about it if we’re abiding by the rules. Just stop playing.
If the worst thing someone can say about me is I’m not afraid to care in a society that tries makes me feel guilty for it, I’m winning.
Written By Kirsten Corley
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