Skip to content

3 Crucial Dating Mistakes That Keep You From Finding True Love

Dating Mistakes Keep You Finding True Love

Everyone wants to find true love and the right person for themselves. But sometimes, unknowingly you might end up making a few crucial dating mistakes that hamper your chances of having the relationship you have always dreamed of.

Key Points

  • It’s important to take intentional action to find your partner, rather than waiting to be found.
  • Shift your focus from trying to be wanted to looking for the person you want.
  • Realize that if you feel hurt by someone else’s actions, it isn’t your fault you feel hurt.

Meeting the right partner and creating a thriving, loving relationship with them is an important part of a good life. Why, then, is it so hard? I want to share some of the biggest mistakes I made at the beginning of my dating journey that was a complete waste of my time and energy. By sharing these, I hope I can help you stop making the same mistakes I made.

Related: Top 5 Dating Mistakes Men Make On A First Date

3 Crucial Dating Mistakes That Keep You From Finding True Love

1. In the beginning, I waited for men to contact me first.

Back then, I thought I had to wait to be pursued. I worried that I would “scare men away” if I contacted them first. At the time, that was the advice I was getting from everywhere: wait for them to pursue you, don’t react when they don’t text, pretend you’re fine with things you’re definitely not fine with, don’t ask for what you want, etc. It was all horrific, sexist, and bad advice, but I didn’t know better at the time.

In reality, waiting and hoping that the right guy would find and message me was drastically limiting my options. In addition, I was unknowingly condoning the idea that women couldn’t go for what they want because men don’t like it. Also, would I want someone who would be turned off by a woman contacting them? That guy doesn’t sound like the right guy for me.

I was giving away all of my power by not choosing the person I wanted to get to know. If you’re waiting for the right person to find you, you could be waiting for a lifetime. Instead, step into your power.

Step into who you are and into all of your worthiness. Choose someone you want to get to know. Send him or her a message. I sent my now-husband the first message.

3 Crucial Dating Mistakes That Keep You From Finding True Love
dating mistakes to avoid

2. I focused on being attractive, desired, and wanted.

Back then, I believed that the road to a relationship began with being wanted. Upon reflection, I can see that belief came from a fear that I might not have been. As a result, I didn’t focus on who was the right fit for me. I wasn’t evaluating whether or not the people I went out with made me happy or supported me.

I was focused on being desired, and I was going for the wrong men and feeling hurt when things didn’t work out. Now, of course, I am grateful things didn’t work out with those men.

By focusing on being wanted, I was coming from a disempowered place. I gave those I went out with the power to determine if they wanted a relationship with me or not, and in turn, the power to determine my worth or lack thereof. That power didn’t belong to them, and giving it to them was a huge waste of time and energy.

Once I chose to be the one to determine my worth, I took my power back. I stopped trying to be wanted and I stopped worrying about being desired. I stopped questioning my own worth and began analyzing the people I went out with. This was a game-changer. From then on it was easier to see who the wrong partners would be right away.

Related: 3 Dating Mistakes That Make Women Look Desperate and Drive Men Away

Pages: 1 2

Caitlin Cantor LCSW, CST, CGT

Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST, is a licensed psychotherapist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Certified Gestalt Therapist and relationship expert. For the past 10 years, she has been helping people with dating concerns, relationship difficulties, sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. She has a private practice in Philadelphia, PA. Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST, is a licensed psychotherapist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Certified Gestalt Therapist and relationship expert. For the past 10 years, she has been helping people with dating concerns, relationship difficulties, sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. She has a private practice in Philadelphia, PA. After studying psychology and journalism at Lehigh University, she earned her master’s degree in clinical social work from Widener University. She later trained in sex therapy at Council For Relationships, and became an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. Most recently, she studied and trained at The Gestalt Therapy Training Institute of Philadelphia. She is also a Certified Divorce Mediator.View Author posts