If you’re the stonewaller, do your best to search for the longing in your partner’s words. You can even ask, “what do you need?” This need should be positive and actionable. If your partner is vague and says, “I need you to love me,” you should respond by saying, “I understand you need me to love you. I want to do that too. Tell me, what can I do that would make you feel most loved?”
During conflict conversations with your partner, take extra time to share appreciation for listening and responding. This will help keep the conversation more positive than negative and support the stonewaller from feeling the need to withdraw.
Consistent stonewalling is a sign a relationship is ailing. Take this sign seriously, because when you consistently turn away from your partner, you’re not just avoiding a fight; you’re avoiding your relationship.
And your relationship needs you to thrive.
If you want to transform conflict into material to build a stronger and more connected relationship then read Kyle Benson’s conflict blueprints here.
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