Consider this: If you looked back over the timeline of your life, would you see a pattern of broken relationships with abusive and disrespectful partners? Or a pattern of meeting someone great, only to self-sabotage the relationship because it seemed too good to be true?
When you’ve been through adverse childhood experiences, your unconscious mind may become your own personal bully, telling you to believe lies such as these:
- “All the people I love will hurt or abuse me”.
- “I deserve to be treated badly”.
- “I am not worthy of lasting and loving relationships”.
Our wonderful unconscious brain then seeks out to prove us right and keep us safe. The patterns then keep on playing out in our version of what love is.
The good news is that you can heal, learn positive coping mechanisms and live a long, healthy, happy life full of true, satisfying love.
“There are people with high ACE scores who do remarkably well,” Jack Shonkoff, a pediatrician and director of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, told NPR.
“Resilience, he says, builds throughout life, and close relationships are key. Recent research also suggests that for adults, trauma-informed therapy — which can center on art, yoga, or mindfulness training — can help.”
In my own experience, dealing with your childhood trauma as an adult is a powerful opportunity to learn what real love is. When you learn how to love yourself absolutely and unconditionally, because you are more than enough, you learn how to love others while setting boundaries around what you will and will not accept.
Learning to love yourself means learning that you can say no and not settle for any man or woman who happens to come along because you feel lonely. Instead, you’d rather be alone to do more self-discovery, than set out a course that makes you a magnet for the kind of romantic love you want as well.
I never really knew what love was until I loved my self unconditionally. Once I did, I found an amazing new partner.
Along the way, I’ve learned so much.
I’ve learned that love is a verb, and we can choose who we love.
I’ve learned that I am so worth loving.
I’ve learned to let go of the past so that I can be in love with the now.
I’ve learned how to love my perfect imperfections that make me me.
I’ve learned to trust my intuition and see the good in someone.
I’ve learned to love myself even more so that I have more love to give others.
Maybe you, like me, didn’t have great experiences growing up.
Now I know that I have the power to choose to see the flip side of adverse childhood experiences.
If I can do that, so can you.
Written By Renee Catt Originally Appeared On YourTango