Cheating In Relationships: How To Move On From Infidelity

When youโ€™re on the other side of cheating, a million questions can run through your mind. How to move on from infidelity? What to do when your spouse cheats on you? Should you be staying with someone who cheated on you? How to get over being cheated on? The questions are endless and the torment unbearable sometimes.




Studies show that 23% or more of men will be unfaithful to their spouse, or love interest, at some point in their life. For women, the statistic is 19%. These are conservative estimates, with some reports of infidelity being much higher.

Whatโ€™s more, after someone has been unfaithful they are three times more likely than others to become a โ€˜repeat offender.โ€™ That makes sense. If you are willing to break the promise you made once, youโ€™ve then shown yourself to be among those who are willing to stray and more likely to do so again.



Very often infidelity spells the end of a relationship. In fact, more often than not this is the case. Even so, it is worth noting that some remarkable couples manage to mend their relationship and move forward in life.

Thatโ€™s the exception, not the rule.

Related: How To Get Over Being Cheated On (And Be Able To Actually Trust Again)




When Your Spouse or Love Interest Betrays Your Trust

If you are in a romantic relationship (married or unmarried) and your partner is unfaithful, you are left at a crossroads. Do you stay in the relationship and try to make it work, or part ways and be free of the person who has betrayed you?

There are, of course, many different things to consider when making this decision. Are you married and have children? Was the person who cheated under unusual stress and acted in a way that is inconsistent with his/her character?

Everyone, and every relationship, is somewhat different. The particulars of your relationship need to be considered carefully. But in the end, there is an unalterable fact that cannot be โ€˜explained away.โ€™ Your partner broke your trust. Made a decision to betray you.

Infidelity is not an accident. Itโ€™s not a mistake that can be excused by โ€œOh I forgotโ€ or โ€œI didnโ€™t know what I was doing.โ€ You may forget to bring milk home from the store, but forgetting that you are in a committed relationship is an altogether different story.

One cannot be that casual with infidelity. โ€œOops honey, crazy me, look what I did by accident. Wow, ended up sleeping with my co-worker. Boy was I surprised when I discovered what I had done.โ€

Nope. The one who is unfaithful may say that he, or she, did not plan it, and never intended it to happen. But thatโ€™s not 100% true. They may not have gotten out a spreadsheet and spent hours developing a detailed โ€˜Master Infidelity Planโ€™, but they certainly could identify what kind of relationship was emerging with the person with whom they cheated.




Thatโ€™s true whether the relationship grew over the course of a single evening, or over the course of months. The failure to step away as the relationship became overly intimate is a sign of planning.

It may have simply been a plan to not avoid intimacy. One need not be the pursuer in an unfaithful relationship in order to be an active participant.

In the end, there is an unalterable fact that cannot be explained away. Your partner made a conscious decision to break your trust. To betray his or her commitment.

The unfaithful partners who claim otherwise are simply flaying about in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility. This is a bad sign. It strongly suggests that further betrayal may be in your future. With infidelity encore performances are unwelcome.

how to move on from infidelity

What To Do?

Although there is no one size fits all best response to infidelity, there is an one size fits โ€˜most everyone.โ€™ In general, the best course of action is twofold: forgive and move on.

Why take this approach?

The first reason focuses on whether you can expect that betrayal will occur again sometime in the relationship. The rationale for this conclusion was given above. But research also shows that those who have been unfaithful in the past are much more likely than most people to cheat again.

The other reason, also referenced previously, is that most relationships do not survive this form of betrayal. With these reasons in mind, it makes sense to make a clean break. To muster all the grace you can and forgive the other person, but move on and start anew.




Some readers will consider the advice just given and conclude that it is a wise course of action. They will then proceed to discard the advice altogether.

The unfaithful partner appears vulnerable, contrite, evokes pity, or there are children who would be devastated by a divorce/separation. Or perhaps the unfaithful partner is seen as โ€˜the bestโ€™ someone will ever find, even with this flaw.

The reasons for remaining are endless, and often lead people to stay. For many, it feels less painful in the short run to remain in a relationship, even a badly fractured one, than to leave and start over. Most of the time this leads to even greater heartache and simply delays the inevitable separation.

Related: 10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Forgive Your Cheating Partner

If You Decide To Stay

If you decide to stay in the relationship and work things out, there are a few principles to consider in order to give yourself the best possible chance of being successful.




ONE: Enter couples counseling. Right away. No delays.

If your relationship were a patient in cardiac arrest, the hospital ER would be your first stop. There are serious problems that need to be addressed right away. Get thee to a marriage counselor.

A caveat, however, is in order. Some therapists who work with infidelity like to ask the faithful member of the couple โ€œWhat was your role in pushing your partner away?โ€

If that is a question your therapist asks in the first few meetings you need to get up and walk out the door. Yes, you may have had a role in creating friction or unhappiness in your relationship. So what? That is an issue to deal with down the road.

Had your spouse/partner gotten angry and plunged a knife into your leg would you expect the doctor to ask โ€œHey, what was your role in provoking this attack?โ€ Of course not.

The same applies to infidelity.

Later in therapy, after the unfaithful partner has taken full responsibility and some semblance of stability has returned, this question of your role in creating a problematic relationship may be helpful. But when it is raised early in therapy it simply acts as an escape hatch for the guilty partner. It makes it easier for him or her to avoid taking responsibility.



If you hope to rebuild your relationship, trust will need to be re-established. That will be impossible if the person who violated that trust does not take full ownership of their actions.

Related: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? How To Recognize A Perpetual Cheater

TWO: Donโ€™t rush the process. Reconciling takes time.

Sometimes years. If you are the one who broke the relationship then you will also be the one who needs to be the most patient.

That does not mean you become a doormat. But you need to appreciate that from your spouse, or partnerโ€™s perspective, youโ€™ve shown yourself to be both reckless and selfish. They will want reassurance that trusting you again does not open them up to repeated heartache.

If this makes you feel resentful, get over it. You broke it, so you own it. Give the process time. Lots of it.

THREE: Realize that many relationships will not recover from infidelity.

They may reform sufficiently to enjoy a pleasant sense of harmony, but never again experience the sort of passionate intimacy that had been known in the past.


Others will find that the best they can do is form a tenuous peace with each other that is neither satisfying nor unbearable. The relationship becomes โ€˜comfortableโ€™ but unfulfilling.

The least fortunate are those who remain in a relationship that is marked by perpetual bitterness and resentment. An unending struggle between two people who had deeply loved one another in the past, but now stand in the ashes of that once satisfying romance.

If your relationship falls into one of these categories you need to be prepared to ask yourself whether this is the best way to live your life? If not, itโ€™s time to reconsider an amicable parting of the ways.

how to move on from infidelity

Conclusion

Infidelity is not the norm, but neither is it rare. When one member of a couple decides to be unfaithful itโ€™s important to step back and calmly consider how to respond. The choice that needs to be made boils down to leaving the relationship or attempting to salvage it.



There is no one solution that works for everyone. Although some couples are able to move forward and rebuild a beautiful relationship, most are not.

For the majority of couples, the best thing is to forgive and get on with lifeโ€ฆ separately. Nevertheless, at times there are other considerations that make this difficult (children, finances, illness, etc.). When this happens and the decision is made to stay together, the first step should be a focus on rebuilding trust.

Related: 5 Questions To Ask Yourself When Your Spouse Cheats On You

If trust can be rebuilt you very well may be able to salvage your relationship. If not, you need to think about separating yourselves in the most constructive way possible.

Whatever course you decide upon it is important to put things in perspective. Despite the immediate pain infidelity creates it need not be the defining event of your life. Many, if not most, of the goals in life that once excited you remain to be pursued. Try not to waste time dwelling on what might have been,

It will take some time, but with persistence, you will regain your footing, and very well may find that this experience, however unwanted, has made you stronger and more resilient.

Want to know more about how to move on from infidelity and whether you should be staying with someone who cheated on you? Check this video out below!


Written By Forrest Talley  
Originally Appeared on Forrest Talley  

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can a relationship work after one partner cheats?

Relationships can work out after one partner cheats, but a lot of work, effort, and dedication need to be invested to repair the broken trust. Some couples are able to find their way back to each other, and some do not.

Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

Yes, a relationship can sometimes go back to normal after cheating. However, this will require a lot of hard work, effort, and honesty from both partners, especially the one who cheated.


What is infidelity vs adultery?

Infidelity is basically an act of being unfaithful and disloyal to your partner when you are in a committed relationship with them. Adultery is a legal term used to define and address infidelity as far as divorce cases as concerned.

How To Move On From Infidelity pin


Published On:

Last updated on:

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— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

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Okay, letโ€™s be honest about one thing. Trying to figure out the signs he has feelings for you can feel like solving the world’s hardest puzzle. If you’re reading into every little text, overthinking that one emoji he used, or wondering why heโ€™s behaving as if he is into you, but just won’t say it out loud, girl, you are not crazy.

Sometimes, the signs a guy has feelings for you are clearly there, clear as crystal, but he is just too scared to admit it. So, how to tell if a guy likes you? What are the signs you should keep an eye out for to know if he genuinely has romantic feelings for you?

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Who doesnโ€™t love to be loved? But loving another soul with all your heart comes with a risk; if you donโ€™t do it right, a chunk of your heart is lostโ€ฆ forever. Hereโ€™re some vital love lessons I wish my younger self knew.

Is there a right or wrong way to love? Isnโ€™t love beyond all rightdoing and wrongdoing? Love is supposed to be the language that one heart speaks and the other understands and between them there is nothing off limits, no rules, and certainly no secrets!  

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How rarely does it happen that you meet someone and feel an instant connection with them? It feels life straight from a movie or a classic novel – they sweep you off your feet – or thereโ€™s a tension that keeps building on and you two keep clashing over values and beliefs.

Eventually you both give in to the attraction that you both felt for each other and itโ€™s sweet, intoxicating, irresistible, intense, and all consuming – a psychosexual thing – a sizzling chemistry that makes you feel powerless and you just get carried away.

Itโ€™s only when you start sharing about your new-found love to your friends and family that you start noticing

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Ever found yourself yelling at the screen because a character just canโ€™t choose between two people? The main character is good but so is the second lead? TV shows with love triangles are one of the most addictive tropes and for good reason. They bring drama, heartbreak, and just the right amount of chaos. 

As a viewer, if you’re constantly in an emotional tug-of-war, picking sides, rooting for your favorite couple, and second-guessing everything when the plot twists hit, we have some of the best shows with love triangles for you.

From swoon-worthy teen romances or emotionally messy adult drama, thereโ€™s something magnetic about watching characters finding themselves in the complicated terrain of love, loyalty, and longing.

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What Is Phubbing? Meaning and Effects

Phubbing is a mash up of the two words – โ€œphoneโ€ plus โ€œsnubbingโ€.

Imagine youโ€™re on a date at a nice restaurant and instead of paying full attention to you, (which they should be doing all the time, am I right?) your date or partner keeps checking their phone – high on alert every time thereโ€™s a ping or notification.

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Cheating In Relationships: How To Move On From Infidelity

When youโ€™re on the other side of cheating, a million questions can run through your mind. How to move on from infidelity? What to do when your spouse cheats on you? Should you be staying with someone who cheated on you? How to get over being cheated on? The questions are endless and the torment unbearable sometimes.




Studies show that 23% or more of men will be unfaithful to their spouse, or love interest, at some point in their life. For women, the statistic is 19%. These are conservative estimates, with some reports of infidelity being much higher.

Whatโ€™s more, after someone has been unfaithful they are three times more likely than others to become a โ€˜repeat offender.โ€™ That makes sense. If you are willing to break the promise you made once, youโ€™ve then shown yourself to be among those who are willing to stray and more likely to do so again.



Very often infidelity spells the end of a relationship. In fact, more often than not this is the case. Even so, it is worth noting that some remarkable couples manage to mend their relationship and move forward in life.

Thatโ€™s the exception, not the rule.

Related: How To Get Over Being Cheated On (And Be Able To Actually Trust Again)




When Your Spouse or Love Interest Betrays Your Trust

If you are in a romantic relationship (married or unmarried) and your partner is unfaithful, you are left at a crossroads. Do you stay in the relationship and try to make it work, or part ways and be free of the person who has betrayed you?

There are, of course, many different things to consider when making this decision. Are you married and have children? Was the person who cheated under unusual stress and acted in a way that is inconsistent with his/her character?

Everyone, and every relationship, is somewhat different. The particulars of your relationship need to be considered carefully. But in the end, there is an unalterable fact that cannot be โ€˜explained away.โ€™ Your partner broke your trust. Made a decision to betray you.

Infidelity is not an accident. Itโ€™s not a mistake that can be excused by โ€œOh I forgotโ€ or โ€œI didnโ€™t know what I was doing.โ€ You may forget to bring milk home from the store, but forgetting that you are in a committed relationship is an altogether different story.

One cannot be that casual with infidelity. โ€œOops honey, crazy me, look what I did by accident. Wow, ended up sleeping with my co-worker. Boy was I surprised when I discovered what I had done.โ€

Nope. The one who is unfaithful may say that he, or she, did not plan it, and never intended it to happen. But thatโ€™s not 100% true. They may not have gotten out a spreadsheet and spent hours developing a detailed โ€˜Master Infidelity Planโ€™, but they certainly could identify what kind of relationship was emerging with the person with whom they cheated.




Thatโ€™s true whether the relationship grew over the course of a single evening, or over the course of months. The failure to step away as the relationship became overly intimate is a sign of planning.

It may have simply been a plan to not avoid intimacy. One need not be the pursuer in an unfaithful relationship in order to be an active participant.

In the end, there is an unalterable fact that cannot be explained away. Your partner made a conscious decision to break your trust. To betray his or her commitment.

The unfaithful partners who claim otherwise are simply flaying about in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility. This is a bad sign. It strongly suggests that further betrayal may be in your future. With infidelity encore performances are unwelcome.

how to move on from infidelity

What To Do?

Although there is no one size fits all best response to infidelity, there is an one size fits โ€˜most everyone.โ€™ In general, the best course of action is twofold: forgive and move on.

Why take this approach?

The first reason focuses on whether you can expect that betrayal will occur again sometime in the relationship. The rationale for this conclusion was given above. But research also shows that those who have been unfaithful in the past are much more likely than most people to cheat again.

The other reason, also referenced previously, is that most relationships do not survive this form of betrayal. With these reasons in mind, it makes sense to make a clean break. To muster all the grace you can and forgive the other person, but move on and start anew.




Some readers will consider the advice just given and conclude that it is a wise course of action. They will then proceed to discard the advice altogether.

The unfaithful partner appears vulnerable, contrite, evokes pity, or there are children who would be devastated by a divorce/separation. Or perhaps the unfaithful partner is seen as โ€˜the bestโ€™ someone will ever find, even with this flaw.

The reasons for remaining are endless, and often lead people to stay. For many, it feels less painful in the short run to remain in a relationship, even a badly fractured one, than to leave and start over. Most of the time this leads to even greater heartache and simply delays the inevitable separation.

Related: 10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Forgive Your Cheating Partner

If You Decide To Stay

If you decide to stay in the relationship and work things out, there are a few principles to consider in order to give yourself the best possible chance of being successful.




ONE: Enter couples counseling. Right away. No delays.

If your relationship were a patient in cardiac arrest, the hospital ER would be your first stop. There are serious problems that need to be addressed right away. Get thee to a marriage counselor.

A caveat, however, is in order. Some therapists who work with infidelity like to ask the faithful member of the couple โ€œWhat was your role in pushing your partner away?โ€

If that is a question your therapist asks in the first few meetings you need to get up and walk out the door. Yes, you may have had a role in creating friction or unhappiness in your relationship. So what? That is an issue to deal with down the road.

Had your spouse/partner gotten angry and plunged a knife into your leg would you expect the doctor to ask โ€œHey, what was your role in provoking this attack?โ€ Of course not.

The same applies to infidelity.

Later in therapy, after the unfaithful partner has taken full responsibility and some semblance of stability has returned, this question of your role in creating a problematic relationship may be helpful. But when it is raised early in therapy it simply acts as an escape hatch for the guilty partner. It makes it easier for him or her to avoid taking responsibility.



If you hope to rebuild your relationship, trust will need to be re-established. That will be impossible if the person who violated that trust does not take full ownership of their actions.

Related: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? How To Recognize A Perpetual Cheater

TWO: Donโ€™t rush the process. Reconciling takes time.

Sometimes years. If you are the one who broke the relationship then you will also be the one who needs to be the most patient.

That does not mean you become a doormat. But you need to appreciate that from your spouse, or partnerโ€™s perspective, youโ€™ve shown yourself to be both reckless and selfish. They will want reassurance that trusting you again does not open them up to repeated heartache.

If this makes you feel resentful, get over it. You broke it, so you own it. Give the process time. Lots of it.

THREE: Realize that many relationships will not recover from infidelity.

They may reform sufficiently to enjoy a pleasant sense of harmony, but never again experience the sort of passionate intimacy that had been known in the past.


Others will find that the best they can do is form a tenuous peace with each other that is neither satisfying nor unbearable. The relationship becomes โ€˜comfortableโ€™ but unfulfilling.

The least fortunate are those who remain in a relationship that is marked by perpetual bitterness and resentment. An unending struggle between two people who had deeply loved one another in the past, but now stand in the ashes of that once satisfying romance.

If your relationship falls into one of these categories you need to be prepared to ask yourself whether this is the best way to live your life? If not, itโ€™s time to reconsider an amicable parting of the ways.

how to move on from infidelity

Conclusion

Infidelity is not the norm, but neither is it rare. When one member of a couple decides to be unfaithful itโ€™s important to step back and calmly consider how to respond. The choice that needs to be made boils down to leaving the relationship or attempting to salvage it.



There is no one solution that works for everyone. Although some couples are able to move forward and rebuild a beautiful relationship, most are not.

For the majority of couples, the best thing is to forgive and get on with lifeโ€ฆ separately. Nevertheless, at times there are other considerations that make this difficult (children, finances, illness, etc.). When this happens and the decision is made to stay together, the first step should be a focus on rebuilding trust.

Related: 5 Questions To Ask Yourself When Your Spouse Cheats On You

If trust can be rebuilt you very well may be able to salvage your relationship. If not, you need to think about separating yourselves in the most constructive way possible.

Whatever course you decide upon it is important to put things in perspective. Despite the immediate pain infidelity creates it need not be the defining event of your life. Many, if not most, of the goals in life that once excited you remain to be pursued. Try not to waste time dwelling on what might have been,

It will take some time, but with persistence, you will regain your footing, and very well may find that this experience, however unwanted, has made you stronger and more resilient.

Want to know more about how to move on from infidelity and whether you should be staying with someone who cheated on you? Check this video out below!


Written By Forrest Talley  
Originally Appeared on Forrest Talley  

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can a relationship work after one partner cheats?

Relationships can work out after one partner cheats, but a lot of work, effort, and dedication need to be invested to repair the broken trust. Some couples are able to find their way back to each other, and some do not.

Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

Yes, a relationship can sometimes go back to normal after cheating. However, this will require a lot of hard work, effort, and honesty from both partners, especially the one who cheated.


What is infidelity vs adultery?

Infidelity is basically an act of being unfaithful and disloyal to your partner when you are in a committed relationship with them. Adultery is a legal term used to define and address infidelity as far as divorce cases as concerned.

How To Move On From Infidelity pin


Published On:

Last updated on:

, , ,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

7 Signs He Has Feelings For You But Is Afraid To Say It Out Loud

7 Signs He Has Feelings for You but Is Scared to Admit It

Okay, letโ€™s be honest about one thing. Trying to figure out the signs he has feelings for you can feel like solving the world’s hardest puzzle. If you’re reading into every little text, overthinking that one emoji he used, or wondering why heโ€™s behaving as if he is into you, but just won’t say it out loud, girl, you are not crazy.

Sometimes, the signs a guy has feelings for you are clearly there, clear as crystal, but he is just too scared to admit it. So, how to tell if a guy likes you? What are the signs you should keep an eye out for to know if he genuinely has romantic feelings for you?

So, how to tell if a guy likes you? Read on to know the 7 signs he loves you but is scared to open to you.

Up Next

5 Love Lessons I Learned The Hard Way (So You Can Save Yourself The Heartache)

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Who doesnโ€™t love to be loved? But loving another soul with all your heart comes with a risk; if you donโ€™t do it right, a chunk of your heart is lostโ€ฆ forever. Hereโ€™re some vital love lessons I wish my younger self knew.

Is there a right or wrong way to love? Isnโ€™t love beyond all rightdoing and wrongdoing? Love is supposed to be the language that one heart speaks and the other understands and between them there is nothing off limits, no rules, and certainly no secrets!  

Maybe in a perfect world, love flows as freely as the river, twisting and turning between the rocks and boulders an

Up Next

May December Romances: 4 Ways To Make Your Age Gap Relationship A Success

Your May December Romance: 4 Ways To Make It A Success

Have you been caught up in a May December romance? Love with shifting power can be a heady mix – but does your relationship have what it takes to stand the test of time?

How rarely does it happen that you meet someone and feel an instant connection with them? It feels life straight from a movie or a classic novel – they sweep you off your feet – or thereโ€™s a tension that keeps building on and you two keep clashing over values and beliefs.

Eventually you both give in to the attraction that you both felt for each other and itโ€™s sweet, intoxicating, irresistible, intense, and all consuming – a psychosexual thing – a sizzling chemistry that makes you feel powerless and you just get carried away.

Itโ€™s only when you start sharing about your new-found love to your friends and family that you start noticing

Up Next

The Most Unforgettable TV Shows With Love Triangles: So Are You Team A Or Team B?

11 Best TV Shows With Love Triangles: Romance And Drama

Ever found yourself yelling at the screen because a character just canโ€™t choose between two people? The main character is good but so is the second lead? TV shows with love triangles are one of the most addictive tropes and for good reason. They bring drama, heartbreak, and just the right amount of chaos. 

As a viewer, if you’re constantly in an emotional tug-of-war, picking sides, rooting for your favorite couple, and second-guessing everything when the plot twists hit, we have some of the best shows with love triangles for you.

From swoon-worthy teen romances or emotionally messy adult drama, thereโ€™s something magnetic about watching characters finding themselves in the complicated terrain of love, loyalty, and longing.

Letโ€™s dive into some of the best TV shows with love triangles. S

Up Next

Sculpting Each Other Into A Fine Masterpiece: The Michelangelo Phenomenon In Relationships

Michelangelo Phenomenon: 3 Unique Ways To Empower Your Love

If you have grown bitter hearing about all the gen-z dating trends, hereโ€™s something wholesome – the Michelangelo phenomenon and how love can help us become the best versions of ourselves.

What Is the Michelangelo Phenomenon?

The great Renaissance artist Michelangelo Buonarroti has famously said that he does not create his sculptures, but merely reveals the figures hidden within the marble, so that others can see what he could see from the very beginning!

Up Next

What Is Phubbing Behavior? The Dating Trend You Must Unfollow!

What Is Phubbing Behavior? The No. 1 Dating Trend To Avoid

Have you ever been snubbed in a social situation or during intimate time with a partner? Stings, right? And when you get cut off for a phone, it just adds insult to injury. You got phubbed! So, what is phubbing behavior?

What Is Phubbing? Meaning and Effects

Phubbing is a mash up of the two words – โ€œphoneโ€ plus โ€œsnubbingโ€.

Imagine youโ€™re on a date at a nice restaurant and instead of paying full attention to you, (which they should be doing all the time, am I right?) your date or partner keeps checking their phone – high on alert every time thereโ€™s a ping or notification.

Theyโ€™re either replying with โ€œhmmโ€ or โ€œokay<

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Living Like Roommates? 7 Subtle Signs Your Relationship’s On Autopilot

Living Like Roommates? 7 Signs Your Relationship's on Autopilot

“Roommate Syndrome” isnโ€™t just a fun buzzword, it’s anything but. Actually, it’s a massive relationship red flag, and one you should definitely steer clear of. Have you ever felt like you are living like roommates with your partner, rather than truly connecting with them?

If you answered yes, the unfortunately you are in a roommate relationship/roommate marriage. This sneaky little monster creeps in quietly.

One minute you’re finishing each other’s sentences, and the next, you’re discussing who left dishes in the sink for the third time this week.

The funny thing is that it’s not that you don’t care anymore, it’s just that the spark slowly faded and both of you didn’t even notice when. But hey, the good news? If youโ€™re reading this, thereโ€™s still time to bring the that vibe back.