Death of a parent is the most painful, emotionally difficult experience that leaves us both psychologically and biologically affected. We all know death is inevitable. Yet coping up with the loss of mother and father is never easy that too when you have received that unconditional love and have formed a deep friendship with them.
Nothing can replace the bonding you have with your parents and their death creates a wound that will never heal. Because no one else can love you like that.
According to APA’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), it is healthy for adults to feel a range of emotions including anger, emptiness, regret, pain, and others after the death of a parent. Beside emotional challenges, physical distress is quite significant during bereavement that may manifest as low blood pressure, headache, loss of appetite, hypertension, to name a few.
You may resume your daily activities, move on in life, you may go through several stages of recovery, but the grief will always be there. Whether you’re happy or sad, you will always remember them. Their love and wisdom will keep guiding you like a beacon of light in the darkness. You may not seem them but you’ll always feel them by your side.
“The ones that love us never really leave us.” —Sirius Black
Lisa Schmidt, a relationship and dating coach in Detroit, lost both her mother quite unexpectedly and father two years apart due to cancer and she believes it is a larger blow in her adulthood. She says there is nothing in this world that can prepare you to lose your parents.
Lisa wrote a tribute to what it truly feels like after the death of a parent and how it affected her in the long run. She talks about her inner transformation and that is truly inspiring. Read on to know how her life changed after losing her parents.
10 things that changed after the death of a parent
1. She never keeps her phone more than 1 foot away from her at night, because the last time she did that she missed the call that her mother died.
2. The very thought of her mother’s death made her sick and at times she literally vomited.
3. She says the death of a parent makes her feel like a widow a “club” you never wanted to join. And she doesn’t know how to return this unwanted membership.
4. Loss of loved ones taught Lisa to be grateful in life. She feels stronger than before and makes sure to honor her parents’ wishes. Responsibilities no more look like burden to her.
5. Grief will always be there. You may be laughing out loud and having fun with your family and friends today and then breaking down the other day like your parents passed away yesterday.
6. Now she has become a member of the “Dead Parents Club”. Complaining against parents and blaming them is the last thing she would tolerate. She will give you an earful of gratitude and appreciation and perspective on how truly fleeting life is.
7. Only other members of the club can relate to her contradictory emotions and what death of a parent can do to you. They just understand without explaining that inner turmoil, helplessness, and resentment.
8. Lisa laments that her son could never experience grandparents’ love and that the death robbed him of adorable memories.
9. Out of pain, she wishes if her parents died at her young age because that way the memories would be less.
10. It is common to feel jealous of other people spending quality time with their parents. You can no more celebrate victories and achievements with your mom and dad. Even the big life events may now seem incomplete without them.