Wondering how to have a happy life? We all want to be happy but often we struggle against ourselves and situations around us to earn momentary happiness. After careful observation of events happening in my life over time and how they unfold, I have come to learn the ways of sustained happiness.
You can be unbelievably happy.
Here are a few things I have learned to do, that make my life full of happiness.
1. Avoid worries and fear
Has something happened so bad that it disturbs you? Or do you fear that something pretty terrible might happen anytime soon?
When you feel this frustration, it is because you are fighting against what is actually happening. You want it to be different, different from what it is or what you fear. A better way to fight it is not to fight at all.
What will happen, will happen. Do your part and let things flow as they should. If it has already happened and you can’t do anything about it, then don’t. If it hasn’t, then don’t worry about it.
A Chinese proverb says “that the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent”.
You have the choice not to worry about anything that is worrisome. Kill your fears and live.
2. Kill Expectation
Imagine if you let go of your dependencies and expectations. Imagine if you just let what happens…happen. For many people, this is unimaginable, especially in relationships. It is easy to expect nothing from strangers or those not so close to you.
With relationships, the tendency is for you to become demanding or needy. The problem is, you may start feeling sad or begin to judge the person when they don’t meet your expectations. The only way you can avoid being unhappy in a relationship is when you love the person unconditionally.
When this is the case, what you expect the most is for the person to be alive to be loved. True love is when you respond with respect, love, and kindness no matter what is going on in your life. Now really imagine if you are in a relationship with someone you love unconditionally and who loves you the same way too.
Yes, you will always be happy together. Kill expectation before it steals your happiness, and possibly destroys your relationship.
3. Don’t hold on to the past
The fear of the future may bring us sadness, so can the memory of the past. Don’t let past events define you, even if they still hurt. You don’t have to deny your pain, but acknowledge that the past cannot be changed.
You can only change your response today. Create a positive response to your memory of the past. This way, you can make good use of something unwanted – like recycling waste. A good strategy is to look at the lessons thereof with gladness. Consider the timing of such an event, what if it had happened at a different time? The impact could have been worse than it was.
Think of what you can do to help avert such occurrences in the future, whether in your life or the lives of others. Simply look for ways to turn the knowledge of past events into something positive in the moment.
Do you ever want something to happen so bad that it hurts? Well, that’s because you try to live in the future. You feel (maybe subconsciously) that next week you will be happy. Next week after you have paid the house rent, and settle your school fee.
What you don’t realize is that next week is not yet here, and a lot can change before then. What you have is NOW, and that’s all you have for now. You either choose to be happy or spend it worrying. The choice is entirely yours.
Listen, if you watch carefully you will see that tomorrow will never come. Every ‘tomorrow’ is today in waiting, and the next moment is NOW in the making. Don’t feel you are not allowed to be happy yet because of what your brain thinks about the future, or what current situations dictate to you.
The truth is that we don’t even know how much time we have left to live. Life is not about waiting for ‘tomorrow’ or ‘someday’. It is about enjoying the unique experience we have right now, whether it’s fascinating or frightening. Life is an adventure, enjoy it.
5. Choose your words carefully
Words are expressions of our thoughts, a sort of representation of our being. What you say says a lot about you. Words bring to life corresponding responses and actions from those we converse with. They can sustain or destroy relationships, making us happy or sad.
People will act towards you differently depending on what you say, especially what you say repeatedly. Their actions may not be what you expect but are nonetheless appropriate responses for what you portray.
What you say about others can equally block your happiness. Don’t ever engage in talks that are harmful to people – it would likely hurt you.
To begin with, you may have to feel remorse after you indulge in gossip. Words are things; they will surely hunt you, sometimes in different energy forms. Don’t be careless with your words or they may rob you of your happiness.
6. Watch your feelings and actions
The outside world and how we feel about it is a reflection of us. As painful as it may sound if you are in a bad place, it can be empowering. You have the opportunity to respond uniquely.
Let’s say you are unhappy in your relationship. A shift from annoyance to gratitude can make a great difference. Move from the negatives and focus on the good times and pleasant memories. No outside situation even needs to change to bring you the comforting benefit of gratitude. With time, as your inside world heals, the outside world looks friendlier.
You have more control over how you feel than you can imagine, and clearly over how you act and respond.
Feel good, and feel happy. Act rightly, and be happy. With the right response, you can quickly engulf a sad occasion with an atmosphere of bliss. Take charge of your feelings, actions, and response, and you will realize that you can be happy all the time. Always remember that for every action there is going to likely be a corresponding reaction.
7. Accept Failure
Listen, if it has already happened, accept it! Some things happen independently of what we think, say, or do. Embrace everything and move on.
Every process you initiate in response should be for a different course, and not to change the current situation. I particularly like this quote from Winston Churchill, “if you are passing through hell, keep going”. Yes, keep going without stopping to think about the disgusting state of the current situation. Bear in mind that you are only passing through it, soon you will be out of it.
If you look rightly, you may even find empowerment in that hell of a situation; a force to propel you to your destination faster. Finally, see happiness as a choice. One you really have to make irrespective of the circumstances you find yourself in.
Choose to be happy. Be happy!
– by John Vadenport