Lately lots of people I know have gotten tripped up when it comes to whether their relationship is “good enough.”
Good enough is tough, because when you’re wondering if you should go all the way and marry someone, people parrot off trite answers like “when it’s right, you’ll just know.” Sure, if you happen to be one of those lucky souls who is miraculously free of overthink.
While it would be awesome if we all “just knew” when it came to whether or not to make the biggest commitment of our lives, the reality isn’t usually as prophetic. Things may be great with someone, but the idea of greener pastures and potential “bigger, better deals” can trip us up.
Relationships are messy things, and we’re only human. I never advocate settling, but some of us who have had bad experiences don’t always know what good looks like. So we vacillate between happy and “unsure if the other shoe is going to drop.” This is a nasty position to be in— and it often leads us to sabotage the thing we want the most— a happy, stable relationship with someone who we can make a life with.
This overthink is also how people end up going down the “if I had only appreciated something good when I had it” post-breakup rabbit hole. That is a nasty place to be, so dear reader, my goal is to help you know what exactly “good enough” looks like.
So what are the signs you should commit?
Here are seven of the most critical signs that you should marry with the person you’re with:
Note: these go together! Don’t be like “Elizabeth, but the bedroom is hot! Nothing else about it is good, but you said it’s a go, right?” No. These work together. Take a look:
1. They have your best interests at heart.
They are giving and supportive of your ideas, goals, dreams. They support what would really be best for both you alone and the two of you as a couple. When it’s time to make big life decisions, they never leave you out of the loop.
2. They’re honest and forthcoming.
White lies meant to spare your feelings, yes. Big lies, meant to conceal the truth from you in a serious way, absolutely not.
3. If you’re upset, they try to cheer you up or make it right.
Not disagreeing is frankly, not gonna happen— and fighting fairly can actually improve your relationship.
That means that the win comes when you both gain greater understanding. While your partner might not always agree with you, they should not be a apathetic about your feelings. Whether your upset is because of them or not, they’re game to make it right somehow.
4. They are kind and loyal.
You feel esteemed and respected. They are nice to you, the restaurant server and animals. They wouldn’t dream of intentionally hurting your feelings for any reason. They support you and the relationship when you aren’t in the room.
5. You have fun together.
You should be able to laugh and play together. Life is terribly boring with someone who is dull. Refuse to subject yourself to years with someone who doesn’t get your jokes.
6. The bedroom is hot.
Sex is important. Whatever you both like, you should be on the same wavelength. Your partner should not only be committed to keeping things spicy together, but pleasing both of you. Selfish lovers are to be given the boot.
7. You have similar life goals and want the same things.
Sometimes love is not enough. Not wanting the same big things in life is, unfortunately, a make or break situation. You can compromise on tons of small things, but compromising on the big stuff like wanting children leads to moldering resentment that will kill the relationship from the inside out.