Are you newly married and have you been told that poor boundaries in relationship and marriage can be the recipe for disaster?
Do you want to do whatever you can to keep your special bond intact but do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?
Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage so that things don’t go awry. Let me help you!
To understand healthy marriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it’s where you live your life.
Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.
Conversely, poor marriage boundaries can make the wall of your house weak and susceptible to damage and destruction. That you don’t want.
Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes, and colors. It’s important for each couple to decide what works for them to keep their marriage safe and strong.
Let’s talk about some boundaries and why your marriage could be damaged if they aren’t set up as soon as possible.
1– Be true to yourself.
For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.
Many people, men, and women take on their spouse’s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things. And losing yourself in another person is a recipe for disaster.
It is VERY important that all people stay when in a relationship.
Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.
It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.
And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.
So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy marriage requires it.
2– Let go of rigidity.
I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn’t okay with him. So, what did they do? They set up boundaries around how things were done, agreeing that each person could have some autonomy around certain things and that each of them might have the final say in others.
You know the phrase “My way or the highway?” That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage because there are two people in the relationship and compromise is essential to maintaining balance and satisfaction.
It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.
So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.
3– Maintain mutual respect.
One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is the lack of respect and contempt. It is important that, from the beginning, you agree to always treat each other well.
The saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.
It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other’s behaviors and actions.