5 Things To Do When Boundaries Are Crossed In Marriage

 / 

, ,
Things To Do When Boundaries Are Crossed Marriage

Marriage is long and difficult and when boundaries are crossed in marriage it can be disastrous. A vital part of marriage is trust and when established boundaries have violated a marriage can breakdown. So, itโ€™s very important that, when boundaries have been crossed, it is dealt with right away.

How? Let me help.

Here Are 5 Things To Do When Boundaries Are Crossed In Marriage

1. Acknowledgement.

When boundaries have been crossed in marriage, it is essential that both parties acknowledge that the boundaries have been crossed. Unless there is an agreement that the boundaries have been violated there is no way to begin the healing process.

A client’s husband had violated their โ€˜no mid-week drinkingโ€™ boundary. They had both realized that when they drank wine after work their parenting skills around bedtime suffered. So, they agreed to abstain. When her husband came home one night smelling of beer, she was very upset because they had an agreement and he had broken it.

Her husband pushed back at first, justifying his behavior, but then he acknowledged that he had violated their agreement. With that mutual understanding, their healing could begin.

Related: Setting Boundaries That are Clear and Well-Expressed

2. Conversation.

An essential part of healing when boundaries are crossed in marriage is conversation.

I believe that conversation is essential to any healthy relationship and when boundaries have been crossed especially so.

For my client and her husband, it was very important that they revisit why they had set the boundary in the first place, why he had crossed the boundary and what next steps they should take around the boundary.

They agreed that the boundary had been set in place for the sake of their children. He explained that he drank because he had a work dinner and he wanted to make his client feel comfortable but knew that he had crossed their established boundary nonetheless. She expressed her disappointment in the fact that he hadnโ€™t kept his word and that he had been a little bit out of it during the kids’ bedtime routine.

Each of them were able to speak their piece, know they had been heard, and get ready to take steps for figuring out a resolution. So, a key part of surviving boundaries being crossed in marriage is talking about it! Without conversation, moving forward is impossible.

3. Resolution.

Once my client and her husband had spoken their piece, they set out to figure out what they should do about the existing boundary. Did they feel like it was a boundary they should maintain or one that needed reconsideration? They wanted to make sure that both of them felt comfortable with the boundary because they knew that a healthy marriage was based on mutually agreed-upon boundaries.

After some discussion, they agreed that the boundary was important and that it should stay in place and that, if another work dinner arose, they would address that situation when it came.

It is important, when trying to figure how to fix things when boundaries are crossed in marriage, to work together to identify what can be done to come to terms with what was done, and to make a plan for moving forward.

4. Benchmarks.

After conversation and resolution, the next step to managing boundaries is by setting benchmarks.

Benchmarks are a point of reference against which other things are compared. Setting benchmarks is an important part of moving forward.

For my clients, their benchmark was how effective the no mid-week drinking boundary was. They defined what they wanted to achieve by setting this boundary (a more peaceful dinner and bedtime routine). When that boundary was violated, they looked carefully at what kind of effect the violation had on their family. They realized that it did make things more difficult and they agreed to pay attention going forward to how to make bed time better.

If you have set boundaries and they have been crossed, going forward, focus on why that benchmark was set and whether itโ€™s important to have in place going forward. You donโ€™t want a boundary in place that is impossible to achieve and which might cause more problems in your relationship.

Related: 5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Keep the Romance Alive

5. Support.

When boundaries are crossed in marriage, a significant strain can result. Relationships are tested because trust is violated. If the boundaries are crossed over and over, things can really turn bad.

If boundaries have been crossed in your marriage and it is creating stress that you canโ€™t resolve, seek professional help. It is important that trust is maintained in any relationship and a therapist or life coach can help you manage it.

Addressing issues in a relationship head-on is important so if you canโ€™t resolve the feelings that arise when boundaries are crossed, seek help immediately and keep things from getting worse.

When boundaries are crossed in marriage, significant damage can occur.

It is important that the issue is addressed immediately, that both parties acknowledge what is going on, that the issue is talked about, that a resolution is made and benchmarks set and that, if you canโ€™t resolve the issues, you seek professional help.

Keeping your relationship healthy is important to itโ€™s longevity so work hard to get past issues that arise decisively and move forward. Together.

Do you want to know more about what to do when boundaries are crossed in marriage?
Let me help you, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!


When Boundaries Are Crossed In Marriage
Things To Do When Boundaries Are Crossed Marriage Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Does Having High Standards Undermine Your Love Life? 4 Ways It Can Go Wrong

Having High Standards In Relationships Ruins Love In Ways

Does having high standards in relationships make it harder for you to fall in love? Itโ€™s common โ€” setting impossible standards can keep us away from opportunities. Let’s learn how and what to do about it!

People have the tendency to use the โ€œnot my typeโ€ excuse to build that distance.

Why worry about types when you havenโ€™t even said hello yet? Because these are myths about relationships and defense mechanisms, just like an invisible wall between you and the potential connection.



Up Next

Intentional Relationship Conflict: Exploring The Flames – Wildfire Or Bonfire?

Intentional Relationship Conflict: Exploring Best Steps

Explore the complexities of relationship conflict, this dive goes deep into the flames, wondering whether they ignite a wildfire of destruction or a nurturing bonfire for growth.

How is intentional relationship conflict different from conflict in general?

Conflict in intimate relationships is like fire. For some of us it becomes a wildfire, burning out of control, emotionally burning each partner.

For others, it turns into a controlled bonfire that brings us closer together as we talk, laugh, and learn more about one another. Clear boundaries, emotional safety, and containment transform the danger of a fire into a tool for comfort, closeness, and emotional intimacy.



Up Next

Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: 6 Alarming Signs And How To Manage It

Breadcrumbing In A Relationship | Signs and How to Manage

Breadcrumbing in a relationship is like leaving tiny hints of interest without real commitment. It is confusing and can leave you wondering where you stand. 

 So, how do you know if it’s happening to you?

In this guide, we’ll discuss five signs of breadcrumbing in a relationship. We will also be providing strategies on how to deal with breadcrumbing in a relationship. 

But first, let us learn about the breadcrumbing meaning. 



Up Next

A List of High Standards in a Relationship: Non Negotiable Must-Haves You Shouldn’t Settle for

Big Standards: List of High Standards in a Relationship

When we talk about how we behave in relationships, we’re really talking about who we are deep down. Many people wonder what makes a good relationship tick, so we’ve put together a list of high standards in a relationship.

When pondering “what are standards in a relationship,” we are not referring to arbitrary rules but rather the essential principles that elevate your love to new heights. Stick with us as we go through what it takes to make a strong and healthy connection with someone special.

What are standards in a relationship?  

We each possess a unique threshold for behavior, traits, and values, below which we are unwilling to tolerate a partner. But here’s the fascinating paradox โ€“ while we all have these s



Up Next

Relationship Patterns: A Pathway To Lasting Love: Which One Is Yours?

Intriguing Relationship Patterns: Which One Is You?

Ever noticed how you and your partner have those regular ways of interacting? They’re called relationship patterns. Guess what? Understanding it is also a helpful to reconnect with your partner!

Relationships, while often blooming with love and joy, can also harbor areas of conflict that, when triggered, lead to misunderstandings and tension.

Perhaps one partner desires constant updates on the other’s whereabouts, while the other thrives in digital solitude, leading to disputes over smartphone apps.

Recent research delves into the concept of “relationship pa



Up Next

Are You Trapped In The Goldilocks Zone Of Dating? How To Recognize The Terrifying Dating Loop And Break Free

The Goldilocks Zone: New Age Dating Style Or A Trap?

Are you tired of playing the dating game only to find yourself caught in a loop of dissatisfaction? Well, get ready to enter ‘The Goldilocks Zone’ โ€“ a term that’s been taking the dating world by storm. 

But hold on tight, because this one comes with a twist! It’s not about finding the perfect partner; it’s about the horrifying pursuit of perfection itself. 

So, get ready to know what is Goldilocks Zone in relationships and discover how to recognize it before it wreaks havoc on your quest for love.



Up Next

What Is An Inter-Intimate Relationship? 5 Signs To Know If You Are In One

What Is An Inter-Intimate Relationship? Five Signs

There are countless ways we express love, and we all have different needs for emotional and physical intimacy. Some couples struggle with mismatched desire, while others might find themselves in what they call “inter-intimate relationships”.

Do you find yourself in this situation? If yes, don’t worry; you’re not alone! Let’s explore how to find a balance and make it work together.

What Is An Inter-Intimate Relationship?