When it comes to finding your soulmate, unknowingly you might end up making a few dating mistakes that will drive them farther away from you. Do you know what these dating mistakes are?
There is plenty of dating and relationship advice out there for how to find your soulmate and kindred spirit, but you want to ensure that what you have is not only healthy but also your best relationship.
If you want to know how to build a better relationship with your soulmate, there are 2 things you need to know first:
- What is a soulmate?
- Is the person I’m currently in a relationship with my soulmate?
One question I get asked a lot, “Is he my soulmate?” And, I mean a lot. And that may be running a tie with, “When is he going to call?”
The term “soulmate”, while certainly open to interpretation, has in many cases come to mean “the one person with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life in blissful happiness.”
There’s a well-known poem that’s been around for quite a while about people who come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
In many respects, it reflects my personal understanding of what a soulmate is:
- Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to be with us for our entire lifetime.
- Not all relationships are soulmate relationships.
- Not all soulmate relationships are romantic. Our soulmates might be our parents, siblings, close friends, and others with whom we are not romantically or sexually involved.
- Not all soulmate relationships are happy.
- Not all of our soulmates are our life mates.
To delve deeper into the concept of soulmate relationships, authors Brian Weiss and Michael Newton have both written beautifully in-depth books on this subject, and their ideas and experiences are useful and enlightening.
There’s a different approach that may be more helpful and practical when applied to the dating and mating game we all play.
But, before you can do that, you need to be aware of 3 relationship mistakes and major stumbling blocks that push your potential soulmate and life partner away from you.
These are the 3 dating mistakes we do:
1. You perceive and want to believe (hope!) that your desired partner is your soulmate.
That creates the expectation that the shorthand definition (“The one person with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life in blissful happiness”) applies to your relationship with this person.
2. You have a distorted perception of love.
The expectation I just described above makes you accept and tolerate the opposites of a healthy, loving relationship: abuse, neglect, disrespect, and co-dependence.
If you are suffering and tormented by what’s supposed to be “love”, if your self-esteem and self-respect are being crushed by what’s supposed to be “love”, or if you have abandoned your safety and happiness for the sake of what’s supposed to be “love”, you’re in deep trouble.
You may be in a soulmate relationship, but the ending won’t necessarily be the happily ever after one.
3. You force the facts to fit your desired outcome.
Basically, you place the cart squarely in front of the horse. You start by believing the soulmate shorthand. Then, you set out to find that soulmate. And often, you disregard the facts regarding the person or situation you find.
You try to pretzel yourself and/or every potential partner you meet into that belief system, often with disastrous results.
You want to find the special person with whom you can share true love and a deep bond, and make a life with them.
But if that erroneous belief in the “ideal” is blinding you to what’s actually happening in the relationship, and if it’s blinding you to another’s bad behavior or ill-treatment of you, you’re unlikely to reach that “ideal” you so desire.
As mentioned above, there is a better approach to building a better (and healthier) relationship with your soulmate.