When we get into a relationship, we go under the assumption that the person we are dating is emotionally mature and balanced. But sometimes we discover it later on that the person is emotionally unstable and not in a healthy mental and emotional place to hold a mature adult relationship.
It helps to look out for these early warning signs of emotionally instability so that we can tread carefully and save ourselves a heartbreak later on.
1) They have low self-esteem and trouble trusting themselves
People who have a hard time trusting themselves and put their trust in others usually have suffered from trauma. Childhood trauma can lead to the intense fear of abandonment and rejection in a person making them susceptible to extremely low levels of self-esteem. They grow up to become adults who idealize other people and give their power away, hoping the other person would take care of them. And this, in turn, causes resentment because no one can really match up to their idealized image or be there to provide for them 24*7.
Though it might feel good to be put on a pedestal and trusted by someone so deeply but if that trust comes from their lack of self-confidence and not because of intimacy that’s developed between the two of you over time, then that trust is really not about you.
They are just trying to heal their wounds and looking for a rescuer.
You want to be in a mature and interdependent relationship with someone who takes accountability for themselves and not someone who is looking for a rescuer.
2) They lack physical wellness
Physical and emotional health feed into each other. A person who is emotionally unhealthy will have a hard time keeping up his physical health and lack of physical health will again lead to unbalanced emotional health.
This can become a very vicious circle until a person takes responsibility to break the chain and addresses these issues.
Inability to keep up with the basic routine of healthy diet, sleep and exercise is a sign that a person doesn’t prioritize his physical health. That again could be a symptom of lack of self-love and low self-esteem or emotional instability.
All these things can weigh heavily on a person’s emotional and physical health and they would be left with very little energy to devote to nurture relationships.
3) They cancel on plans and fail to keep up commitments
Though all of the can falter to keep up our commitments sometimes if someone constantly fails to show up and do things they committed they would do, it could be a sign of deeper issues stemming from emotional instability and low self worth.
4) They have addiction issues
Addiction could be to food, substances, prescription drugs, caffeine or alcohol. But the underlying theme is that a person is using an external stimulant to soothe his pain or to get high.
A person who is dependent on chemicals cannot show up fully and authentically in relationships because his mind will always be preoccupied with getting his next fix.
He is just looking for a way to soothe his pain more than anything else and he would approach the relationship also with the same space.
He would be so needy and desperate and clingy and look up to you as his rescuer instead of showing up as a mature and interdependent partner.
5) They lack boundaries and stay in disrespectful relationships
If you carefully observe the personal and work relationships in a person’s life, it would give a clue about how they feel about themselves.
If a person stays in disrespectful relationships and doesn’t know how to draw boundaries, they are suffering from low self-esteem and feel they are not good enough at some level.
It is important to be humble but it is also important to have a reasonable amount of self-confidence and a healthy self-image.