What To Do When You Are Married But In Love With Someone Else

You are married but in love with someone else, a tricky and undesirable predicament, isn’t it? What should you do now about this?

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

There’s been a growing trend of failed marriages recently. It’s extremely shocking how some people cheat on their significant others by hooking up with someone else. A lot of divorced people are filling up the columns of dating apps and matrimonial sites.

‘But I’m not happy in this marriage,’ a friend of mine told me. ‘This new person I’m seeing loves me. I’m happy with them. Hence I’m filing for divorce. What else can I do?’

Their question, ‘What else can I do?’ got me wondering. If they are not happy with the marriage, I have no right to tell them to stay in unhappy wedlock.

I still remember how smitten they were before their wedding three years back and now, they blush when they talk of this new person of theirs. I know, if they take the final call, a lot of friends will blame them.

Related: 15 Surprising Things You Didn’t Know About Cheating in Relationships

But can they really be blamed? What are the causes of a failed marriage? Is breaking away the only option? Can’t it be mended?

The answers are many and it requires an in-depth analysis.

Coming to our first question:

Can they really be blamed?

Well, partially yes and partially no.

Someone who is not happy with their marriage had loved the same person years back when they got married. They thought they are “The One” for them.

Then, things took a different turn. They are somewhat disillusioned and feel the person they are dating is actually the right person. We cannot blame someone for being unhappy in their marriage because there are reasons behind it.

They have every right to be happy. But, at the same time, being in love with someone else and dating them while you are still married is cheating and that is not acceptable.

Someone can end the marriage and later on, find the person they can marry. This situation is acceptable. But calling off the marriage because they have found happiness in another person is ditching your significant other and yes, the person concerned is to be blamed.

Now, let’s analyze the causes of a failed marriage

Why on earth would someone leave their spouse who they loved and got married to? There are some loopholes in a marriage that will make someone unhappy and push them into turning towards other options.

Possible causes are loneliness, lack of romance, lack of communication and ignorance.

After marriage, if someone engages themselves in work too much and devotes no time to his family, then their spouse is bound to feel lonely.

One partner here fails to make a distinction between their professional life and public life. The other partner, therefore, feels ignored and seeks pleasure in other people.

Related: 33 Ways He’s Micro Cheating You (and totally getting away with it)

Among the other things which force someone’s spouse to drift apart from their husbands/wives is the lack of romance. Romance needs to be alive for a marriage to sustain.

It doesn’t mean having sex at the end of the day. Romance can be like a surprise dinner date or a long drive where the couple will get to spend quality time on their own. The lack of spark will instigate the one partner to find love somewhere else.

The communication problem is a major issue in failed marriages. Suppose your spouse is going through a professional crisis and wants to talk to you about it but you are too engrossed in your own life to give them time. Your spouse even fails to communicate to you that they need you most at that point in time.

There might be another incident where one spouse dislikes the neighborhood of their apartment and it’s evident from their reactions but the other spouse does not communicate with them well enough to understand the reasons behind their reactions.

This lack of communication eventually leads to ignorance. Nobody likes to get ignored, especially when you are ignored by your significant other. Lack of communication makes someone feel suffocated in the marriage and even when they are married, they fall in love with someone else who is willing to give them time, listen to them and understand their feelings, they are likely to fall in love with that someone else.

Now, what should you do when you are married but in love with someone else? This leads to our question: Is breaking away the only option?

The answer is straight and simple: No.

It might seem to someone that this is love but it’s not love. It’s a temporary closeness they are experiencing due to the lack of communication with their significant other and lack of romance in their life. It’s not ethical to cheat.

One cannot even assure that this other person will marry them and they will have their own happily ever after. Let’s think of the person’s character they are having an affair with too.

What kind of person will date someone who is married? Definitely, this person too will have evil intentions and cannot be trusted either. Hence, a married spouse cannot break away.

Related: 7 Reasons Why Good Men Don’t Cheat On Their Partners

But what can be done then? Staying in an unhappy marriage is not possible either. This brings us to the final question: Can it be mended?

Yes, marriage can be mended.

One must think about the positive things about their spouse and rule out the negative ones. Instead, one must start looking into the negative sides of the person they are dating. They should focus on their marriage and try to bridge the communication gap. They should sit with their spouses and talk about the issues they are having problems with.

It’s easy to jump from one relationship to another but it takes a lot to sustain a married relationship. Cheating and breaking away is not acceptable.

---