You are married but in love with someone else, a tricky and undesirable predicament, isn’t it? What should you do now about this?
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.
There’s been a growing trend of failed marriages recently. It’s extremely shocking how some people cheat on their significant others by hooking up with someone else. A lot of divorced people are filling up the columns of dating apps and matrimonial sites.
‘But I’m not happy in this marriage,’ a friend of mine told me. ‘This new person I’m seeing loves me. I’m happy with them. Hence I’m filing for divorce. What else can I do?’
Their question, ‘What else can I do?’ got me wondering. If they are not happy with the marriage, I have no right to tell them to stay in unhappy wedlock.
I still remember how smitten they were before their wedding three years back and now, they blush when they talk of this new person of theirs. I know, if they take the final call, a lot of friends will blame them.
But can they really be blamed? What are the causes of a failed marriage? Is breaking away the only option? Can’t it be mended?
The answers are many and it requires an in-depth analysis.
Coming to our first question:
Can they really be blamed?
Well, partially yes and partially no.
Someone who is not happy with their marriage had loved the same person years back when they got married. They thought they are “The One” for them.
Then, things took a different turn. They are somewhat disillusioned and feel the person they are dating is actually the right person. We cannot blame someone for being unhappy in their marriage because there are reasons behind it.
They have every right to be happy. But, at the same time, being in love with someone else and dating them while you are still married is cheating and that is not acceptable.
Someone can end the marriage and later on, find the person they can marry. This situation is acceptable. But calling off the marriage because they have found happiness in another person is ditching your significant other and yes, the person concerned is to be blamed.
Now, let’s analyze the causes of a failed marriage
Why on earth would someone leave their spouse who they loved and got married to? There are some loopholes in a marriage that will make someone unhappy and push them into turning towards other options.
Possible causes are loneliness, lack of romance, lack of communication and ignorance.
After marriage, if someone engages themselves in work too much and devotes no time to his family, then their spouse is bound to feel lonely.
One partner here fails to make a distinction between their professional life and public life. The other partner, therefore, feels ignored and seeks pleasure in other people.
Among the other things which force someone’s spouse to drift apart from their husbands/wives is the lack of romance. Romance needs to be alive for a marriage to sustain.
It doesn’t mean having sex at the end of the day. Romance can be like a surprise dinner date or a long drive where the couple will get to spend quality time on their own. The lack of spark will instigate the one partner to find love somewhere else.
The communication problem is a major issue in failed marriages. Suppose your spouse is going through a professional crisis and wants to talk to you about it but you are too engrossed in your own life to give them time. Your spouse even fails to communicate to you that they need you most at that point in time.