You Are Married But In Love With Another Man- What to do?
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.
There’s been a growing trend of failed marriages recently. It’s extremely shocking how women cheat on their significant other by hooking up with another man. A lot of divorced men are filling up the columns of dating apps and matrimonial sites.
‘But I’m not happy in this marriage,’ a friend of mine told me. ‘This New Guy I’m seeing loves me. I’m happy with him. Hence I’m filing for divorce. What else can I do?’
Her question, ‘What else can I do?’ got me wondering. If she is not happy with the marriage, I have no right to tell her to stay in unhappy wedlock.
I still remember how smitten she was before her wedding three years back and now, she blushes when she talks of this New Guy of hers. I know, if she takes the final call, a lot of friends will blame her.
But can she really be blamed? What are the causes of a failed marriage? Is breaking away the only option? Can’t it be amended?
The answers are many and it requires an in-depth analysis.
But can she really be blamed? What are the causes of a failed marriage? Is breaking away the only option? Can’t it be mended? The answers are many and it requires an in-depth analysis.
Coming to our first question:
Can she really be blamed?
Well, partially yes and partially no.
The woman who is not happy with her marriage had loved the same man years back when they got married. She thought he’s her Mr. Right.
Then, things took a different turn. She’s somewhat disillusioned and feels the man she is dating is actually her Mr. Right. We cannot blame her for being unhappy in her marriage because there are reasons behind it.
She has every right to be happy. But, at the same time, dating another man while you are still married is cheating and that is not acceptable.
She can end the marriage and later on, she can find the person she can marry. This situation is acceptable. But calling off the marriage because she has found happiness in another man is ditching your significant other and yes, the lady here is to be blamed.
Now, let’s analyze the causes of a failed marriage.
Why on earth would a woman leave her man who she loved and got married to? There are some loopholes in a marriage that will make the wife unhappy and push her into turning towards other options.
Possible causes are loneliness, lack of romance, lack of communication and ignorance.
After marriage, if the man engages himself in work too much and devotes no time to his family, the wife is bound to feel lonely.
The man here fails to make a distinction between his professional life and public life. The lady, therefore, feels ignored and seeks pleasure in other men.
Among the other things which force the wife to drift apart from her husband is the lack of romance. Romance needs to be alive for a marriage to sustain.
It doesn’t mean having sex at the end of the day. Romance can be like a surprise dinner date or a long drive where the couple will get to spend quality time on their own. The lack of spark will instigate the lady to find love somewhere else.
The communication problem is a major issue in failed marriages. Suppose the lady is going through a professional crisis and wants to talk to her husband about it but he’s too engrossed in his own life to give her time. She even fails to communicate to her husband that she needs him most at that point in time.
There might be another incident where the lady dislikes the neighborhood of their apartment and it’s evident from her reactions but the husband does not communicate with her well enough to understand the reasons behind her reactions.
This lack of communication eventually leads to ignorance. Nobody likes to get ignored, especially when you are ignored by your significant other. Lack of communication makes the lady feel suffocated in the marriage and when she finds someone is willing to give her time, listen to her and understand her feelings, she is likely to fall in love with that man.