Never Do These Things To Your Men
Emotionally available men. Most of you, I believe have come across this term. Some of the women (including you) might have even come across one such man in your lives.
Men were never considered emotional beings. An emotionally unavailable man is basically clueless about the negative impact he has on the relationship and on his partner. Nevertheless, they can do little about being emotionally unavailable. But these men are subtly different from narcissistic men who abuse their partner, mentally, emotionally, and otherwise, leaving their partner distraught with pain and misery.
This does not mean emotionally unavailable men are any better for their partners. These men are utterly confused and conflicted within and also get this inner mess projected onto their relationship and on their partners.
Now, what if I told I was an emotionally unavailable guy?
I truly was.
What if I told you, I never took responsibility for my actions? What if I said I hurt my partner and never made it up to her?
What if I say that I was never there for my partner? I was always looking for the next best way to escape accountability. I never understood her emotional needs, let along cater to it. The worst thing, I often ignored and avoided her as much as I could.
All she desperately wanted me to do was change. She did all she could do in her power to make the relationship work on good terms. She believed that one day I would understand her, realize how much she loved me and of what value she was to me.
But inside I knew I would never change. What do you think? Did she leave me because I was so pathetic as a lover?
Unfortunately for her, NO. I am afraid most women in her place would not. There’s a common pattern of thoughts and attitudes shared by women who get attracted to emotionally unavailable men.
Being with an emotionally unavailable man can be extremely frustrating. why then do women remain in a relationship with such a person?
These women have low self-esteem and a lack of self-control and self-reliance. These women do not have much control over the relationship as they have to constantly work hard to keep the interest of these men. It is the women who try to make the emotionally unavailable man available by helping him open up. If they are successful they feel the power over the men, if they cannot, their self-esteem goes off into the gutter.
Particularly in such a situation, this woman should ideally stop persuing the men. But they seldom do so.
But such a man has a chance of improving his emotional expressions and experiences. It only happens if they get into a relationship with the right person. The partner needs to avoid doing a few things to the man, and they are as follows:
These are the 3 things a woman must stop doing to their men in order to let them open up:
1. Expecting him to be on your terms
The worst you can do to yourself and to your relationship is to expect unrealistically from you man. Learn to keep logical expectations from him and he might not disappoint you. Every individual seeks independence and hence your partner also wants to function at his own pace. Leave it on to him to fulfill your wishes according to his potentials, not based on your assumptions.
2. Waiting for him to change
Some men or some people for that matter will never learn for the simple reason that they don’t want to learn. To hope that these men will change is like hoping to be famous one fine morning, to be rich one fine morning – just by hoping.
Give up on the idea that your man will get up one fine morning as an entirely changed man, with all the qualities you wished your dream man had. Nothing like that is ever going to happen. You need to understand that some characteristics are ingrained in a person and is not possible to change.
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If the man is not the person I expect him to be it means that the idea I have of him which comes from the way he portrays himself and my own analysis is incorrect. If it is incorrect that is because….in each case that happened (and the man did admit to it when gently prodded) the man deceived me intentionally to think he was someone else so that I would want to be with him and then was just “hoping” that I would get comfortable and fall in love with the real him. NO WAY.
It’s never going to work that way EVER. I choose the people I want to be with based on traits that are very important to me to have in a partner. If any of those traits aren’t there even if I was in love I would still leave the person. If ever I have an expectation that the man be the person I want him to be it is because he tried to lead me to believe that was who he was.
This is a common experience for women and it is very common for men to lie in order to get a woman to be with them and to then be upset the woman wants them to be the person they pretended to be. What the woman usually wants is for the man to not have “changed” into the person he actually was, because she thought he was someone else in the first place. This is understandable; however once a woman realizes well enough that the man is not who she thought he was and never was it is her responsibility to become self-empowered and to realize that she has no obligation whatsoever to stay in that relationship–or any relationship for that matter.
If the man is not who the woman wants him to be she has a personal choice available to her to leave, and she should leave for the good of herself; and also for the man.
I get the “hoping” part. In these days when people are learning more and more about manifestation it is important to realize that people have free will and you can not manifest someone else transforming themselves to become better. You can encourage, you can suggest, and maybe manipulate someone into making decisions in that direction, (not advocating manipulation but it’s the truth-might as well admit to that aspect of reality), but you can not force someone to change their personality or develop themselves that is up to them. They can be influenced and that is real; but it is never a guarantee. Hoping won’t necessarily change your partner…. but leaving him or her and then accepting that you will find whoever is right for you at this time whether it be someone or no one and letting it go will lead you to find someone else, who perhaps will be better off with you then the person you want to change and you with them.
… no… think I just drive mine bonkas… LOL
So, what’s the point for the woman? Why is she still there? I get that you love someone, but all that give, give, give and don’t ask for anything in return, oh no, don’t do that…You might hurt him or ruin this great relationship. WOW, just WOW!