10 Reasons Why Your Grown Kids Don’t Like You

Published on:

10 Reasons Why Your Grown Kids Dont Like You 1

Many times, the parent-child relationship has been a slippery slope for many. Do you ever have the feeling that your grown kids avoid or even hate you?




Wonder why they’re not coming home for the holidays? Upset because they never return your letters, calls, or texts? Estranged, alienated, or suffering silently (or not)?

Are the kids you always wanted to be your friends not only decidedly unfriendly but also still upset because of something you don’t even remember?



According to my post-parent clients, more than 40 social media groups for estranged parents, and recent research, here are the top ten reasons:

10 Reasons Why Your Grown Kids Don't Like You

10 Reasons Why Your Grown Kids Avoid You and don’t get along with you

1. You insist on being right.

We all have different stories about the past, even one we shared. But as long as you insist on your version, they don’t have a right to theirs. Accept their stories as being true for them.

2. You don’t know who they are now.

Life has taught them lessons you don’t know. They’re not the same people they were as children, even if you think they are. Don‘t assume that you still know what they think and feel.




3.  You’ve locked them into outgrown childhood roles.

She was a spendthrift, he was a ne’er do well, she was the good girl, he was the peacemaker. But now she manages a million-dollar budget, he has a responsible job, she’s a complete mess, and he gets in the thick of every family fight. Give them a chance to show you who they are now — you might be surprised.

4 You think the divorce doesn’t still bother them.

It might. Once again, explain that it wasn’t their fault. Admit your inability to prevent it. Acknowledge their pain, even if it was long ago. Let them tell you how it was for them without being defensive. Express your regret. And tell them you hope they can move on because you have.

Is your child still bothered by your divorce? Read 10 Tips To Heal A Child’s Heart After Parental Divorce

5You can’t let them lead their own lives.

They’re adults now — they have a right to their lifestyle, religion, partners, decisions, and choices.

6You ignore their boundaries.

You stick your nose in things that are none of your business, as their marriages. You tell their secrets to others, including their siblings. You can’t stop nagging, no matter how many times you tell them to do something they don’t want or choose not to do.

7. You listen, but you don’t hear them.

You jump in before they’ve finished. You tell them instead of asking them. You talk over or through them, not to them. Just be quiet, and let their words sink in before you jump in with a response. If you don’t understand something, ask them to explain it again.




8. You take sides.

Sibling quarrels aren’t your business anymore if they ever were. Let them work it out amongst themselves, no matter who you think is right. Refuse to mediate unless you can be truly neutral.

9. You triangulate.

If you can’t get what you want from one child, you try going through the other, or even through their or your spouses. You ask them to tell each other’s confidence. You draw a third person into an issue that’s only between the two of you — or should be.

10. You take liberties you’re not entitled to.

Just because you’re still their parent, you can’t interfere with their life. You need to back off and wait to be asked for your help, your opinion, and your understanding. Imagine there’s a door between you and them; knock first, and don’t enter unless invited, even if the door is more than a metaphor.

Are you too controlling as a parent? Is that why your grown kids hate you? Read Over-Controlling Parents: The Burden Of Being Over Controlled As A Child 

Scharp, K.M. & McLaren, R.R. (2017) Uncertainty issues and management in adult children’s stories of estrangement with their parents. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.


If you want to build a meaningful and positive relationship with your children, then you need to respect them and give them their space. That along with the above-mentioned pointers can help you navigate through all the turmoils between you and your kids if any.

If you want to know more about why your grown kids hate you, check out this video below:




References

Scharp, K.M. & McLaren, R.R. (2017) Uncertainty issues and management in adut children’s stories of estrangement with their parents.  Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Written By Jane Adams 
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today 

10 Reasons Why Your Grown Kids Don't Like You
10 Reasons Why Your Grown Kids Don't Like You


— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Does Gentle Parenting Work?

Does Gentle Parenting Style Work? Important Things To Know

Can setting firm boundaries with kindness raise well-behaved kids, or does it lead to entitlement and defiance? Let’s learn more about gentle parenting style!

A look at the data on gentle parenting.

Key points

The concept of Gentle Parenting is not based on scientific data.

Gentle Parenting does incorporate some very good parenting techniques.

Gentle Parenting may ask too much of parents.

What Is Gentle Parenting Style?

Up Next

Let Kids Be Kids? 6 Identifying Signs of Hurried Child Syndrome

Clear Hurried Child Syndrome Symptoms

Some of us felt the pressure to grow up too fast… meet deadlines, succeed academically, and always be on top of things—before we were even ready. It turns out, this pressure is real for some children today, and it’s called Hurried Child Syndrome. Let’s explore more about this condition.

What Is Hurried Child Syndrome?

Wondering what is Hurried Child Syndrome? It re

Up Next

Hovering Too Hard? 7 Mistakes Parents Who Overparent Often Make

Mistakes Parents Who Overparent Make: Hovering Too Hard?

It’s easy for parents who overparent to fall into the trap of doing too much in the name of love and care. But sometimes, all that hovering and controlling can backfire in surprising ways. Let’s break down the seven common mistakes and how to avoid them!

KEY POINTS

Overprotective parenting can have a negative impact on children’s mental health and relationships.

If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, it’s important to take steps to change your behavior.

Encourage your child to try new things, let them make mistakes, take risks, and solve problems on their own.

Up Next

Is Your Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? 9 Ways to Help Her Break Free

Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? Things You Can Do

Have you ever had a very strong gut feeling that your daughter might not be in a healthy relationship? Or that she is in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? Today we are going to talk about what you can do, when you have a daughter in a controlling relationship.

Yeah, it’s a tough pill to swallow. Bossy boyfriends sneakily isolate, manipulate and dim the light in the people they date. And if your daughter is dating someone like this, then it’s understandable how tough it can be to watch that.

However, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel – as her mother, you can help her break free from her controlling boyfriend. This isn’t about swooping in like a superhero; it’s about being smart, supportive, and steady.

First, let’s start with trying to understand who a controlling boyfriend

Up Next

8 Undeniable Signs She’s Destined to Be an A+ Mom

Qualities of a Good Mother That Guarantee A+ Parenting!

Moms are superheroes, plain and simple. But being a great mom isn’t just about keeping the fridge stocked and making sure homework gets done. It’s about making your kids feel loved, valued, and truly understood. Moms are often the first and biggest influence in a child’s life, shaping how they see themselves and the world.

Being a good mom is about way more than just keeping a kid alive (though, yes, that’s non-negotiable). It’s about showing up with love, wisdom, and that unshakable belief in her kid’s potential. Moms help mold who we are and how we see the world.

Up Next

Divorce And Holidays: 5 Co-Parenting Tips To Help Kids Enjoy Christmas

Helpful Divorce And Holidays Coping Tips For Parents

The festive season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year. However, divorce and holidays can be tricky to navigate for some families, it’s not only challenging for kids but also for their parents.

Children deserve to be in happy and healthy homes, a safe space to enjoy and make memories rather than facing bickering fights and drama.

If you’re co parenting on Christmas, create a holiday season that’s joyful and comforting for your children. Below are five practical divorce and holidays coping tips to help your kids enjoy the festivities, even after a separation or divorce.

Up Next

How To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child: 10 Parenting Moves That Work

How To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child

It’s one of the toughest pills to swallow: a disrespectful grown child. Whether they’re dismissing your advice, talking back, or just acting like they couldn’t care less about you or your feelings, it hurts. But how to deal with a disrespectful grown child without feeling like you’re losing your mind?

Today, we are going to talk about the signs of a disrespectful grown child and how to deal with one. Spoiler: It’s not about “getting back at them” — it’s about creating change together, so that you can have a healthy relationship with each other, that’s based on mutual respect.

First, let’s start with the signs of a disrespectful grown child.

Related: