“There’s no limit on how far I would goNo boundaries no lengthsWhy do we say that until we get that person that we think isGonna be that one and then once we get ’em it’s never the sameYou want them when they don’t want you, soon as they do, feelings change”
Eminem (Space Bound)
It’s in human nature to long for what we can’t have. When we feel someone is too good for us and is unattainable then our ego driven minds compel us to give it a shot, try it – own it; it’s like a challenge, a feat we want to accomplish. Like in the movies, one character falls for another who appears to be out of their league. Being in love has merely changed to being in awe of someone. Loving them or being loved is not the goal but making them fall for you; to prove that you can have what, at one time, seemed unattainable, to boost your ego, is the ulterior motive.
This behavior is the reason we lose interest in people who are too interested in us. We are used to the thrills and challenges of the chase. We enjoy them; all the ups and downs that it offers. We don’t begin on this journey to reach a destination but just for the thrills. We want the experience to be worth the effort. We want value for money and it is the same for people who seem in high demand. The moment a person seems to be worth a lot more, our ego kicks in… mind you, it’s not love but our ego. We open up to that person to validate it and redouble our efforts to claim that prized possession.
The biology behind attraction is that we want better offspring. So whenever we see someone healthy, strong, smart, and better than us with traits such as loyalty, lovability, caring, and nurturing we feel their genes are superior and when coupled with ours, might produce better offspring. Whether we think about reproduction or not, this is what triggers off the attraction in our subconscious minds. This is again the law of nature which, I believe, is conditioned by evolution. The magic disappears when our partner seeks the same from us… boom! Why?
Now, chances are, deep down we feel worthless or in better words ‘of less value’ and when someone comes around showing interest in us, we feel they have less value, it’s like ‘why the hell are you even interested in me?’ We have this deep rooted perception that we are flawed and anybody interested in us must be flawed too. This comes from a deep seated inferiority complex. As soon as the other party shows interest you lose yours. Mission accomplished! You got the trophy and it has less value than you. You’re better and you want a bigger trophy now.
When you put down someone for liking you, you’re putting yourself down. We welcome rejections and heartbreaks more whole heartedly than we ever would the unwarranted love. Baffling isn’t it?
We want a partner with greater worth and then ourselves. This insecurity messes things up and always gets in the way of happiness. I see no end to this saga. When someone likes us too much we think they are flawed and have less value. When someone likes us just enough, we think they have equal value. But when someone doesn’t reciprocate at all we smell the love in the air and feel the butterflies in the stomach… oh and heart shaped balloons flying around.