There are so many misconceptions about soul mates out there due to wishful thinking and idealism. But what is a soul mate exactly and is it true that we all have one that we are destined to meet? Find out
When most of us picture a soul mate couple, we tend to think of Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, and the intense, impassioned, and whirlwind romance that defined their relationships (and left us with painful throbbing hearts). But while these exhilarating and often tragic love stories gave us a glimmer of hope that our own love stories could be just as enchanting, in reality, we struggle with romances that are lacklustre at best and completely incompatible at worst.
While some of us have gone through as many relationships as tissues in a box, others of us have had sparse but long-term relationships that wound up ending, and finally, some of us have never had a relationship, ever. So what’s the deal with this whole soul mate thing? And why do so few of us end up with the “ideal” partner or soul connection?
What Is A Soul Mate (REALLY)?
There are so many misconceptions about soul mates out there due to wishful thinking and idealism. For example, let’s do a game. Here it is: in the next few seconds I want you to pause and try to define what a “soul mate” is … one, two, three … pause … reflect.
What is a soul mate to you?
To most people (and most likely to you too), soul mates are generally thought of as people who stick by your side forever – we’re talking your entire lifespan. They’re also idealized as people who complete you and make your life infinitely better than it once was. While this may be true in some respects, in others it isn’t.
So what is a soul mate? In my experience, this is what really defines a soul mate:
1. Soul mates are your best friends.
They’re also your romantic and sexual partners. (You can also have very deep connections with friends, family members, and animals – I refer to these as soul friends – but other people also refer to them as soul mates).
2. Soul mates are your mirrors.
They reflect back to you your own flaws, insecurities, dreams, and strengths to help you grow to the fullest. You can rely on them, to be honest with you, completely honest, even to the point of not sharing your feelings because they care about you that much.
3. Soul mates are your spiritual catalysts.
They don’t complete you, but they do help you to become the best version of yourself possible. Why don’t they complete you? Because you are already complete at your core, and throughout the course of your life you are in the process of rediscovering that.
4. Soul mates are your confidants and teachers.
Sometimes the lessons they teach are intentional, but often the lessons they teach are unintentional and are a by-product of your relationship with them. Because they understand you so deeply, soul mates also make powerful confidants, helping you through tough times and inspiring you to do and be your very best.
5. Soul mates feel very “familiar.”
This is possible because you have spent many past lives with them. Something between the two of you just clicks, as though you have been friends and lovers forever.
6. Soul mates often know you better than you know yourself.
Therefore, they can empathize with you at a core level.
7. Soul mates vibrate at the same frequency as you.
This is just a fancy way of saying that soul mates not only share your likes, tastes, and goals, but they also share your deeper life values, beliefs, and dreams. You both “get” each other on a DNA level.
8. Soul mates love you unconditionally.
You also love them unconditionally. Although it may not be possible for soul mates to always stay together, it is impossible for soul mates to harbor feelings of hatred for each other for long periods of time. Despite what they do, you still love them, and they still love you.
9. Soul mates aren’t perfect.
They have their annoying flaws, gross habits, and strange quirks, but they are still amazing people deep down.