7 Ways To Ask For Your Wife’s Forgiveness When You’ve Seriously Messed Up


7 Ways To Ask For Your Wife’s Forgiveness When You’ve Seriously Messed Up

So you messed up big time! Now that guilt has taken you over, you feel you need to apologize to your wife and ask for her forgiveness to set things right. But saying sorry and asking forgiveness is not that easy, even if you do mean it.

Once you learn how to apologize for the right way in your marriage, forgiveness is sure to follow but it’s not always instant.

Marriage is one of the most rewarding but complex relationships that ever existed. The highs are awesome, but the lows can sometimes be unbearable.

The fact is that marriage brings together imperfect human beings: men who stumble and women who make blunders. As a result, many mistakes are made in the course of the marriage, including apologies.

Fighting and disagreements in a relationship are normal. Although small mistakes will not initially hurt your married life, your relationship still requires maintenance.

But, if you’ve left your maintenance too long, the following things happen:

  • You do not acknowledge your mistakes.
  • You justify your mistakes.
  • You become defensive when you have wronged your wife.

Doing these will eventually drive your wife away. Since making mistakes is inevitable in marriage, knowing how to make things right makes all the difference so that you will eventually be forgiven.

Related: The #1 Way For Guys To Kill It In Relationships

Do you know how to apologize to your wife and ask for her forgiveness?

Men and women regard apologies from very different perspectives. For a woman, apologizing is a way to reconnect with someone whose feelings she hurt. She also sees apologizing as a routine aspect of relationships.

Men, on the other hand, view apologizing as a humiliating situation that makes them lose face. Acknowledging wrongdoing may also make some guys feel diminished. As a result, not only are men reluctant to apologize, but they do not know how to apologize, sufficiently.

These differences are a source of massive stress for many marriages.

There comes a time in your relationship when knowing how to ask for forgiveness from your wife will make all the difference in your relationship.

Have you:

  • Made a joke in front of other people that you thought was funny that terribly embarrassed your wife?
  • Shared a private secret with a third person that your wife had trusted you to keep?
  • Neglected your wife by spending too much time at work or with friends?
  • Made a bad financial decision that has affected your family negatively?
  • Forgotten to share an essential piece of information with your wife?
  • Said something hurtful to your wife in the middle of an argument?

Here are 7 ways to apologize and ask your wife for forgiveness.

1. Listen to her perspective.

Many times, you may not grasp the gravity of the situation or even understand what you have done to hurt your wife. To apologize effectively, you must have the right perspective so that you can know precisely how the situation looks to your wife.

Give your wife a chance to share with you her feelings. You may not really understand, but your wife would not be upset without a good reason. The answers are all there if you only listen and ask questions.

2. Take responsibility.

Give up the need to be right and accept responsibility for how you have made your wife feel. Accept your wife’s feelings and place the blame squarely on yourself.

Accepting responsibility for your actions will help to diffuse your wife’s anger. Until you admit that you are wrong, your apology will not be genuine and meaningful.

3. Express how sorry you are and ask for forgiveness.

Now that you have understood the gravity of the effect of your actions, let your wife know how sorry you are. Your apology must be more than just a simple “I’m sorry.” It has to be sincere — a sincere apology helps rebuild trust and restore the connection with your wife.

Expressing your regret is a prudent way of demonstrating your remorse for your wife’s hurt feelings. Remember, your body language must go together with your words. It would really help if you actually look remorseful.

Related: 5 Things To Show Your Woman You Really Do Love Her

4. Make amends.

Make it clear to your wife that you want to fix things and if there is something that she needs from you to make things right, you are willing to do it. You may negotiate to make it up to her, but the essential thing is to express your readiness to do something to compensate for your mistakes.

Whatever you do, do not:

  • Make excuses for your wrongful actions.
  • Minimize your wife’s pain.
  • Tell your wife how and when to forgive you.
  • Take this opportunity to point out how your wife caused you pain.
  • Pretend that your wife’s wounds will go away just because you apologized.

5. Give her space.

Depending on the gravity of the situation and how your wife is handling her hurt feelings, she might need some time before she is willing to discuss the situation with you.

6. Do not be clingy.

After you apologize, you might feel that you want your wife to forgive you immediately, but it is not up to you. If your wife wants a timeout, give it to her. Giving her time to reflect will strengthen your relationship in the long run.

Also, be gracious about her need for space. Respecting her need for space demonstrates respect for her. Do not punish her for it and don’t take it personally.

7. Work together on an action plan.

Demonstrate to your wife that you will do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from making the mistake again. To do this, formulate a plan of action to ensure that the mistake does not repeat itself.

If the situation has helped you figure something out that you think might help your relationship, now is an excellent time to bring it up. Only, be careful not to shift blame to your wife as you map out the future.

Also, include your wife in creating the action plan. By asking for her opinion, she will appreciate the effort you are making to become better

Related: Before You Apologize To Him or Her, You Must Know This.

How you behave after you’ve wronged your wife determines how you will be forgiven and how your relationship will move forward.

When you demonstrate to your wife that you have truly learned from your mistakes, you automatically create the condition for forgiveness. You will also inspire forgiveness through humility and sincerity.

Bullying and manipulation will only breed further resentment. If you allow your ego to take over, you will foster the conditions for unforgiveness, and you will drive your relationship to ruin.

Exercise patience as you wait for your wife to fully forgive you and treat her the way you would want her to treat you when she hurts you. It takes effort and hard work to repair the damage you have inflicted on your relationship. But you know what, when you do things right, the results are rewarding and lots of fun.

Written by Randy Skilton
Originally appeared in Yourtango
How To Get Your Wife To Forgive You After You Screwed Up Badly
7 Ways To Ask For Your Wife’s Forgiveness When You’ve Seriously Messed Up
ways to ask for your wife forgiveness when you have seriously messed up pin
7 Ways To Ask For Your Wife’s Forgiveness When You’ve Seriously Messed Up
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
  • When You Are Your Own Abuser: 7 Ugly Signs Of Self Abuse That You Ignore
Up Next

5 Reasons You Are Feeling Unstable After Your Husband Walked Out

Feel Unstable After Husband Walked Out Marriage

It's incredibly painful to find out that the person you planned to spend your life with has decided to walk away. If you feel unstable after your husband walked out on marriage, here are the reasons why and how you should deal with it.

If you are feeling unstable after your husband walked out on you, know that you are not alone! Having someone you love leave you suddenly would rock even the strongest woman’s world.

The end of any relationship is horrible, especially a marriage where finances and children are often involved. And, when a husband walks out, the woman is usually left in the house, with the kids, trying to figure out how to keep life normal while she and her husband figure out next steps.

Up Next

5 Things To Consider Before Marriage If You’re Having Doubts

Things To Consider Before Marriage If You're Having Doubts

When we think about settling down, sometimes, we rush our decisions and don't think about the worst possible outcomes. Here are things to consider before marriage if you are confused.

Having doubts about getting married is common, so don't hold yourself back to consider asking real questions before you tie the knot,

Good for you for looking for things to consider if you are getting married but unsure.

Getting married is easy but staying married is harder and very few people consider this fact before they get married. They are picturing the wedding and the honeymoon and the babies but not what it would truly look like to be married to their person forever.

And, in order to stay married, it’s important to take a good look at those things that are making

Up Next

Why Being Unfaithful to Your Spouse is Being Unfaithful to Your Family

Unfaithful to Spouse Being Unfaithful to Family

Cheating in marriage, also known as infidelity, is the act of being unfaithful to your spouse and failing to uphold your commitment to each other.

Are you being unfaithful to your spouse? Have you crossed a line that you never thought that you would cross and having an affair?

Are you feeling incredibly guilty, knowing that you shouldn’t be doing what you are doing, even though it feels so great in the moment?

Are you devastated that you might hurt your spouse, the parent of your children? I totally get that. No one wants to hurt the person they vowed to love forever or betray what they believe in.

Unfortunately, when a parent has an affair, it is not only the marriage that gets damaged but also the family unit. I know that you don’t think that this

Up Next

Is Your Marriage Doomed After an Affair?

Is Your Marriage Doomed After an Affair

Can a marriage after an affair survive in the long run? Can you save a marriage after an affair or is there any chance of fixing a marriage after an affair? People who have been cheated on have often found themselves asking these questions.

Courtney came to my office after her husband had an affair. She wanted counseling to help her decide whether to forgive or divorce him. She was concerned about her three young children and worried about being able to support herself financially. She’d loved being a stay-at-home mom, and didn’t want to give up time with her children.

She’d heard from a friend that she would be forced to go back to work. Courtney was open to doing some intensive couples therapy to see if the infidelity wounds could be healed, but she wasn’t sure her husband would be willing.

Falling in love and getting married to the person you love, sounds like a dream come true, isn't it? But there is one nightmare that can make that dream a scary one - your mother in law. Although she may not intend to do it, but mother-in-law problems can actually damage your marriage.

When I got engaged, I remember so well when a friend of mine told me that there are many ways that your mother in law can damage your marriage– even if she doesn’t want to. I remember thinking ‘Yeah, sure, but that won’t happen to us.’ Boy, was I wrong.

Mother in laws are not inherently evil and has developed a bad rep. But I know that my mother in law did play a role in the health of my marriage and I wish I had known then what I know now!

Here are 5 ways your mother-in-law can