Love is an act of endless forgiveness. Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. Forgiveness is the final act of love.
—Reinhold Niebuhr
Love Is An Act of Endless Forgiveness
Sometimes The More Chances You Give
Sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose. Your standards begin to be ignored when you let people get comfortable in knowing that another chance will always exist. They start to depend on your forgiveness. That’s why I’m no longer a slave to apologies. Treat me right the first time because I can’t guarantee you a next time. It’s impossible to keep me once you’ve lost my trust. I’m not saying that you have to be afraid to lose me, what I’m saying is… I’m not afraid to walk away.”
-Trent Shelton
Most People Don’t Want To Hear This
Most people don’t want to hear this, but real relationships that last involve a lot of forgiveness.
You have to accept the fact that your partner isn’t perfect
& will hurt you, disappoint you, & upset you.
You have to figure out if you’re willing to go thru ups & downs
with them
4 Simple Tips To Practice Forgiveness and 4 Ways To Go About It
We think that forgiveness is a weakness, but it’s absolutely not; it takes a very strong person to forgive. – T. D. Jakes
T. D. Jakes take on forgiveness clearly states why sometimes one needs to learn how to forgive. Practicing Forgiveness is not everyone’s cup of tea.
“You are wrong I am right”
Humans are eternally flawed just as Alexander Pope said ‘To err is human’.
In your lifetime, you sure have been wronged by one or the other person who you couldn’t forgive yet. Be it your friend, your colleague, your ex-partner or even your parents, letting go of the pain they inflicted on you is definitely not legitimate.
When you recall the entire context, you know for sure you do not need any logical justification to move on from the resentment and bitterness you hold against that person. You know they are wrong and you are innocent. That is all you need to perpetuate the grudge that you hold towards them.
You are not generally unaware of the counterproductivity of negative emotions that you hold against the offender, but you are not ready to give away your victim mentality. Every time you try justifying their behaviour, you end up justifying yours.
In a context where you know that you have been wronged, betrayed, manipulated, cheated on or worse still emotionally abused and victimised, it’s justified for you to be vengeful. In fact, for you, the only possible way to punish the perpetrator is to never forgive him/her.
As trivial as the perpetration might be, the core belief behind being unable to forgive is that forgiving will lead to us condoning the actions of the offender, subtly giving them the cue that they have the power to mess with people’s lives and get away with it. On the other side, it makes the victim feel powerless to let go of the offender without punishing them.
But here’s the twist.
Inner peace can be reached only when we practise forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions. – Gerald Jampolsky
Why forgive?
Forgiveness is a process in which an offended person undergoes a voluntary modification in their attitude, conception and feelings towards the offender which results in the abandonment of negative feelings like hatred, vengefulness and aggression towards the offender to replace it with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
But why wish offenders well? Why forgive their malicious intent and accept them as they are?
It’s about you and not them.
When we are hurt by someone, hoping for the person’s well-being is the last thing that comes to our mind. The initial, immediate response to being wronged is to wish the person suffering, sorrow, discontentment and emotional turmoil. We often tell ourselves “I wish this person faces the same things that he/she made me go through.” “He/she should taste a dose of karma.” “I wish this person suffers as much as I did.”
We lose our rationale as we are overcome with anger, frustration and extreme aggression towards this particular person. We mistakenly start believing that every time we silently curse them, wish them ill-being, plan revenge on them, withhold affection, we are actually being in control and is successful in ‘punishing’ the other person for their deed. We believe the more we delay forgiveness, the harsher will be the lesson they learn.
But as James E. Faust says, “Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours.”
Ask yourself, are those suppressed, dysregulated negative emotions slowly spreading its bitterness within you, very constructive?
Is it making you feel better over time? Or is it making you lose your mental peace?
Perpetually holding on to the bitterness, constantly reminds you of the wrong that was done to you, which in turn significantly degrades a person’s mental health. Prolonged periods of holding on to negative emotions can cause profound stress, which over the long run, significantly diminishes the efficiency of the immune system.
As Joan Lunden says,
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.
We Need To Forgive Ourselves
Reclaim Your Life: 15 Ways To Rebuild Your Life When You’re Broken Inside
You’re going to go through tough times – that’s life. But I say, ‘Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.’ See the positive in negative events. – Joel Osteen
Life is full of challenges, obstacles and struggles. But it is also filled with endless opportunities that can make you believe in miracles. There are the days when we experience unbelievable highs, while the very next day we may experience heartbreaking lows. This is the nature of life. Most of the times it is important for us to go through the pain and suffering so that we can become a stronger version of ourselves. Hence, it is important to have the mindset that will get you through this low phase and help you reclaim your life.
But how can you do that? First of all, stop calling yourself ‘broken’. I know how it feels. Trust me, I’ve been there. And no, I am not underestimating your situation or your struggle. I am simply asking you to stop identifying yourself as a victim. You will experience challenges, heartbreak and life-changing circumstances throughout your life. Some of these will be so intense that you will start questioning yourself and your abilities, it will test your willpower and may even ‘break’ you physically, mentally and emotionally. This is exactly when you need to decide whether you wish to become a helpless victim or if you want to fight through the obstacles and take charge of your life to change your future.
Repeat after me…You are NOT broken
Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure. – Steve Maraboli
There are numerous things that can bring our lives to a complete stop like severe illness, losing our jobs, a breakup or divorce, loss of a loved one etc. Experiences like these can adversely affect our psychology and even break our spirit. We can end up feeling isolated, demotivated and lost as our life gyrates downwards. But life is a series of ups and downs. Nothing ever remains the same. Life changes constantly with time. But that doesn’t mean time will heal all your wounds. No, it just won’t. The only thing that will make your life better is your actions. The only thing that will matter is what you decide to do next with your life.
Time doesn’t change us. It’s what we do with that time that changes us. – Dr. Phil
Start by shifting your focus from the negative to the positive. Instead of describing yourself with self-defeating words like broken, realize the fact that you have already faced or facing your biggest challenge and have survived. Granted, you are barely managing yourself, but you are fighting it right now. Understand that you are strong enough and you can get out of this place to reclaim your life.
Restart. Reclaim. Rebuild
Breathe. Tell yourself you got this. And get started. Here are 15 great ways that will help you start rebuilding your life and get things back in order.
15 Ways to Rebuild Your Life, When You Feel Broken Inside
1. Be your true self
No one knows your truth but you. If you’re secure in yourself, no one and no(thing) can touch you. – Brittany Burgunder
Are you true to yourself? Do you actually do what you want to? Think about when you were a kid. Were you afraid of following your heart, exploring new things, learning new lessons? Were you afraid of failing in life? No, you weren’t. In fact, you found your genuine self and spoke your mind unapologetically. But then what happened suddenly that you changed so much? We grew up and we started giving more importance to what others think about us. How we are perceived by our social circles took precedence over being our genuine self. Status happened. Responsibilities happened.
We don’t think about our dreams anymore because we don’t want to let anyone down. We want to live our lives based on their standards of us. This is where you need to take notice and start your transformation. Stop giving a shit. Have you ever noticed that most people get irritated by passionate individuals who are driven by their goals? They are true to who they are and have accepted themselves as they are. This is the very first step to reclaim your life. Don’t be afraid. Understand that you are enough and pursue what actually matters to you.
2. Focus on who you spend your time with
Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them. – W. Clement Stone
Have you ever paid attention to the kind of people you allow in your life? Take a good look at who you are surrounded with. Who you spend most of your time with. Friends, family and even coworkers can have a significant impact on our life and our thoughts and actions. When you are surrounded by the wrong type of crowd, your mentality will get corrupted by their negativity. They will unashamedly minimize your achievement, distract you from your goals and make you doubt yourself by tearing you down. This is why it is important to have friends who are passionate, driven, motivated with whatever they feel is important. You will feed off their positivity and confidence.
I’m So Tired Of Being Strong
I Named Us Grief
GRACE
Letting Go of Guilt
She held her guilt tightly in front of her, as if it were a treasure chest.
It was heavy, but not in a way that required physical strength. It was in a way that made her soul ache. It weighed her spirit down.
I told her that I forgave her for all of her mistakes – for being reckless and irresponsible. For being detached and putting up walls, layer upon layer of walls.
For pushing people away in fear of getting too close. For not always making good choices. For missing out on so much because she was not fully present.
I let her know that I understood the reason she had worked so hard to numb herself, despite how horrible she felt doing so. It was the only way she had known how to cope.
It was the familiar cycle that she had learned in her youth, that she had not yet, at that point, understood how to break.
I reminded her that once she had learned the truth, things changed for her. She began questioning everything she thought she knew about life, the human race, the world she lived in, the universe, happiness, relationships, and death.
Life had taken on an entirely new meaning, and she was forever changed. She had what she needed. She had it all along, and a wave of peace had washed over her.
Yet still she felt uneasy at times. There was something nagging at her, even after all these years. When she began to examine what it was, she realized there was a deep sadness caused by the guilt she had been carrying from long ago.
I told her it was okay to put down the box containing her guilt. She knew, with her logical mind, that it was. Yet something made her cling to it even more tightly at the mere suggestion of letting go.
She had been holding it for so long, she didn’t know how to let it go now. It had been so familiar to her, like an old toxic friend.
I said to her, “It’s okay, you don’t need it anymore. It does not serve you. It never did. It was a lie to begin with.”
She began to weep. I walked with her to the edge of the grassy cliff where we overlooked a steep canyon carved out by a winding river. I reassured her again that it was time.
She held her arms out over the edge and let go of the box. It was a steep cliff, hundreds of feet down. She cried even more as she released what had been plaguing her for what felt like one hundred years.
As the box silently fell, it opened up, and a kaleidoscope of butterflies flew out into the sky.
I told her that I loved her so much. More than anything, and that she deserved to be happy. She knew in her heart that this was true.
“I forgive you.” I whispered once more, as I sat in solitude, knowing that now I was free.
-By Katie B
The Power Of ‘You’
And while your running the incessant race of life, all it needs is to pause, stop and look.
Look deep inside, in there lies the most magnificent of all powers.
The power to withstand while the tough puts on a show at you.
The power to bounce back thrashing the past to things anew.
Let not the reasons of your failure put around a definition to your being but make your return the powerful of sorts that will leave the world outside seeing.
Your happiness is yours and yours alone to make and keep leaving the key to its doorway with nobody but yourself despite the downs and leaps.
The gone-byes cannot be changed but the times to come is definitely in your control
Get out there, strike the bull’s eye through the rough but to a finished roll
Incidental and unwilling of, life unfurls it’s string of things,out of your control and most times unplanned or unseen
That is when the incredible mind is to be let unleashed.
The mind that possesses the power to bring thoughts to life
Make every thought of yours count and weigh it out despite the strife
The given truth of choices aren’t many but two to a situation that is brought to face
The choice to stay on stuck and ask ‘why me’ and the other is to look it up in the face and head it with the power of your inner strength to surpass it with smiles to light
To love is power, to forgive is power, to heal is power
Live the journey of life unveiling the best version of yourself
For it is the power, your power to make or break bidding the negatives goodbye
Awaken the mighty power within you the power of your thoughts to sight
For while He puts you to it, He will walk you through it untold and with all His might.
When your battling it at the turf, stay held with your head high
Look for the plunge, a joyous plunge!
Live the power of change, live the power of choice,live the power to make it happen.
And when life pushes you to the cliff,
Stop, pause and look, look deep inside for in there lies the mightiest of all powers- the Power of ‘You’.
-By LovesM
‘The You’ vs ‘The Ego’
Forgiveness!
The quest to know about “Forgiveness” has been a long awaited story by my followers and friends. While I observed a lot and read a lot from history to modern times. Today I am confident about few Myths that exist in the process to “Forgiveness”
According to Bible “forgive” means to leave (something or someone) alone, to allow (an action), to leave, to send away, to desert or abandon, and even to divorce. Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.
Here are popular Myths listed and what Forgiveness does not mean:
Myth #1 : The only assumption I made to myself while religiously and sometimes ritually practicing the art of Forgiveness is that the other will not repeat the sin. I thought the problem would not occur again as “Forgiving” would make the sinner a little better person.That’s not truth. Your forgiveness neither entitles the sinner to be better person nor it guarantees that he would not repeat it again.
Myth #2 : [Pretending that the offense never happened.] Forgiveness is reconciliation with sinner In The Bible – God forgave King David of serious sins, but he did not shield David from the consequences of his actions. God even had David’s sins recorded so that they are remembered today. Forgiveness is actually reconciliation with the situation and not with sinner. Popularly forgiveness means you let go the sinner and forget the situation so that it does not have any effect on you.
Myth #3 : Allowing others to take advantage of you. Suppose, for example, that you loan money to someone, but he wastes it and then cannot repay you as he had promised. He is very sorry and apologizes to you. You could choose to forgive him by not harboring resentment, not rehashing the matter with him continually, and perhaps even canceling the debt altogether. However, you might decide never to loan him any more money so that he/she does not take advantage of you
Myth #4 : Pardoning with no valid basis. Does not forgive people who are guilty of willful, malicious misdeed and who refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, change their ways, and do not apologize to those whom they have hurt. Such unrepentant ones do not deserve forgiveness.
Myth #5 : What if you are the victim of cruel mistreatment by someone who refuses to apologize or even admit to what he has done? While not excusing the error, you can refuse to be consumed with anger. Trust that you will bring the person to account. You can also take comfort in knowing that you will bring a time when you will no longer feel the deep pain or hurt that may burden you now.
Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, it is also important to understand what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
We were able to Break Burden as below:
– To forgive does NOT mean that you condone wrongdoing.
– Reaching a place of true forgiveness is NOT about you deciding that what someone did is okay if it was not.
– Forgiving does NOT mean you have to forget (is that even possible?).
What forgiveness is : eliminating the negativity that results from hurt by letting go of emotional baggage.
What is Forgiveness? How do I Forgive?
According to dictionary.com, ‘Forgive’ has two meanings:
1. to grant pardon to (a person);
2. to cease to feel resentment against;
When we think about forgiveness, we usually think about it as granting pardon to a person and as a result of doing so we cease to feel resentment towards them. Correct?
In the real world it’s a little more complex than in theory, so…let’s try to understand forgiveness in a different way so we can bring clarity to this concept.
Forgiving someone who apologises with sincerity for hurting us indicates to us that the offender has acknowledged their wrong, is remorseful and has the ability to change, therefore forgiving them and ceasing to feel resentment is easier.
However, forgiving someone who has not offered an apology, has not given us the option or accepted the opportunity to sit down and resolve differences is far more difficult. Why? Because internally we may feel that the offender is not remorseful, doesn’t care or is not willing to change. So, what happens in this instance? How are we able to ‘grant pardon’ and ‘cease to feel resentment against’ in this situation?
To understand this, we need to realise that
‘Forgiving starts with the inner motivation to rid ourselves of resentment and the inner intention to be good, within reason, toward an offending person.
If that person has no inner sorrow, never intends to apologise or to make amends, then we do not exercise the outward quality of forgiveness directly to that person. Yet, we still can have the intention to reconcile if the person substantially changes and the interactions become safe. We can even show an outward quality of forgiveness, for example, by not talking disparagingly about the offending one to other people. As Dr Robert Enright explains this in his article, ‘Why Forgiving Does Not Require an Apology’
Forgiveness does not mean that what has or hasn’t happened to us in the past was right, nor is it a ticket to say that we are willing to tolerate or accept it again. It simply allows us to let go of the harboured resentment and bitterness from the pain that we’ve experienced.
Forgiveness lets us reconcile our emotions and regain a state of internal peace by acknowledging that what happened has come and gone, we accept that it happened and cannot change the past. We have learnt from it, grown stronger and moved past it.
Forgiving Yourself #selfforgiveness
Sometimes forgiving ourselves can be the hardest thing. We don’t always make the right decisions for ourselves or for the people we love agreed because no-one’s perfect. But at times we beat ourselves up so much selfblame selfcondemn about something that it becomes psychologically destructive and chronic.
I really love the article, in it’s entirety, that Michael Davidson has written on tinybuddha.com called
Learn to Forgive Yourself Even When You’ve Hurt Someone Else. He talks about his own experience grappling with self forgiveness and he provides useful and practical recommendations on how to overcome this obstacle that many face. Do check it out! Below is a snippet of the article:
When you forgive yourself, you are not pretending as though it never happened. On the contrary, you are acknowledging that your actions have consequences. But the consequences need not include self-inflicted negative feelings
The road to forgiveness can be a difficult one and it needs reinforcement daily so ensure you make a concerted effort to forgive every day if you have to.
Accept your past but move on from it… forgive so that you can start to heal.
Is Forgiveness Truly Possible In Relationships When Someone Has Hurt You Deeply
YES, but it’s a journey.
If you’re ever going to truly love another, at some point, you’ll inevitably face the need to also forgive. There are two camps on the topic of forgiveness that the following quotes capture well:
- “Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~Marianne Williamson
- “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” ~John F. Kennedy
Scholars, mental health practitioners, religions and world leaders alike all hold up forgiveness as a cornerstone goal we must embrace in our relationships if we ever wish to create a society we’re proud to raise our children in. And yet, forgiveness is hard! No matter how much you agree it’s “the right thing,” we all struggle with it.
Forgiveness is a private (often lonely) journey.
No one can make you forgive another person. It’s a decision you alone make in your mind and heart. Therefore, no one can really know the struggles you face reaching that pinnacle. Are you more like Marianne Williamson believing that inner peace is impossible without forgiveness? Or more like JFK believing that while it’s good, you must never forget? Both paths are challenging.
When someone harms, insults or wounds us, we are left with a profound sense of hurt and longing. The pain from an indiscretion (whether it’s infidelity, being lied to, abandoned or plain old hurt feelings) has a way of settling into our hearts. We think about it. Wonder why. We obsess about the loss, what it means and why someone would ever think so little of us as to hurt us this way.
Esther Perel talks about the pain of infidelity in her 2015 Ted Talk on betrayal. In it, she raises the point that cheating in our modern world affects us differently than it did 40 years ago. The wound of betrayal takes on an almost existential flavor when you think of the person who wounded you as your spouse, lover, confidant, financial partner AND the best friend. We mourn a betrayal of this kind deeply on many levels for a very long time.
And the harm was done TO us, so why is the burden of “getting over it” on our shoulders?
Research tells us that the best reason to forgive is so that the nastiness of the wound doesn’t settle inside us. When we harbor resentment, it lives in our bodies and causes adverse effects on our health, and eventually shorten our lifespan. The list of benefits you can gain from practicing forgiveness includes reduced anxiety, less depression, fewer major psychiatric disorders, and overall better physical health.
But despite the healing benefits of forgiveness for all involved, there’s still another honest question we have to ask …
Andrea Miller, YourTango CEO and founder sat down with several Experts, including authors and IMAGO founders Harville Hendrix and his wife Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, marriage and family therapist Christine Wilke, counselor, and therapist Cindy Cartee, and counselor and therapist Cheryl Gerson to talk about what it takes to forgive and address the question on everyone’s mind:
Is true forgiveness really possible?
Watch the video above to hear their powerful insights. The Experts get real about how much we LOVE the notion of forgiving our ex (and anyone else who has hurt us), yet few of us actually do forgive easily. So, what does it take to get there?
Experts tackle this issue head-on and overwhelmingly left us with the belief that not only is it important, but it’s do-able.
If you’re sitting with a bit of resentment in your heart, it’s time to let it go. Your body and your future relationships (children included) will thank you for it.
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Written by Cheryl Gerson & Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt
Originally appeared on Yourtango.com
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The Samaritan
I will always wish you well and happiness,
Even though you struck me with your loathing eyes.
I will always be thoughtful of your feelings and help you out in times of need.
I will still forgive your out of the blues lies and untruthfullness.
I will not hate you, I have never loathed you.
But forgive me if I chose not to befriend you.
Not now, nor ever…
Dear You, Who Has So Many Names
I’m not sure what to call you, i don’t want to put labels on it, it generates expectations…but I see you. When I sleep I visit you, or you visit me. I often think i visit alternative realities and just observe, but last night I saw YOU. I love you and I see the inner you. You are disconnected, you’re misfiring. I see sparks, they are near the top of your spine, like sparks jumping off the top of your head. Your connection is somehow severed or missing an important link. You cant feel everything you out to. I know I don’t have to love you in this life time, specially not after all that’s happened, but somewhere else, in another space, I see you and just want to melt into you. To give you my heart that is beating so strong and help you come out of the darkness you seem to be in. To pull you out and lift you up above the clouds.
Last night I felt like I was caring your child. So many times I used to dream we would share such an emotion together. Funny what expectations can do. Manifesting gone wonky. This beautiful being you helped create that you don’t get to experience, because you simply cant see. You are not meant to I suppose. The vibration you still carry has so much density, so much history. You carry such a burden and I’m not even sure you know why. All I want to do is help you unload, but it is not my burden. Even if you did it all for me and the duality we must experience, it is still not my burden to sort through. I have my own, tortured, agonizing experiences to filter through and heal from. But when I’m in your arms…
You are always tall and can always hold me in your embrace as if you are covering me with a cloak. I remember many of the lives we share together and you always seem to tower over me. Perhaps its why I’m always longing for it. Your hands, your skin, your embrace, even in our darkest moments those brief embraces bring me to a space I recognize.
My ego kicks in and tells me you are dragging me down, lowering me to a 3D state, but then I remind myself; I’m the only one that can do that. I can empathize but I don’t have to join you in your reality..your sadness. You ARE enough, do you know that? No, you don’t. Thank you though, for helping me remember just how magickal I truly am. Thank you for lighting a fire under me so to speak that forced me to realign with the path I had set up for myself. Thank you for all that had to happen for me to find myself in this moment right now. Happy, grateful, aware and humble. The arrogance of my egotistical expectations washed away in the experiences we shared.
I remember you when I was a teen, bashful yet longing to look at you. I remember now why, the magnificence that you leave behind. It towers over you, even now, as you crumble to the floor like a wounded child. I remember you fully erect and steadfast, no one could touch you. I remember you kind but I also remember you angry, and bitter…a life time I wasn’t there to understand what happened to turn your perspective to such a fear filled view. They tell me I was your daughter, lost, no, stolen. An attachment that left you feeling useless, guilty. . perhaps so much more that took place too.
Aquarius will leave no one behind. I will finally experience many years on Earth..will you come back this time? will you do the work needed to join me again..
..no. not this time. Thank you for the lessons, always, lessons…and love. Love for me, you always help me love myself. One way or another.
You never fully existed here, it’s such a small, small fraction of you. You feel the same, trickster. You are fearful though, the other side to your coin. But I didn’t either, when you saw me so long ago. I couldn’t look at you because I was so asleep. The tables had to flip I guess.
Forgiveness Doesn’t Excuse Their Behavior
Forgiveness Prevents Their Behavior From Destroying Your Heart.
Forgiving and Letting Go Those Who Have Hurt You
It is impossible to go through life without experiencing our fair share of hurts and betrayals. You just never know who might turn their back against you when you need them the most, be it a partner/spouse, family member, colleagues or even someone you consider your closest friend.
There is no certainty at all that people will not hurt you. But it also doesn’t mean that we withdraw from society and relationships altogether. We live and we learn and soon enough we all get used to life the way it is- extremely unfair.
But the question is, what to do once you have been betrayed?
What do you say to the person who broke your trust and caused you to hurt?
Is there anything that can be said or done that will undo the damage?
Well, if there is, that is great for you and your relationship with the other person. But most of the time, we are not ready to process and move past the hurt that has been caused to us. That attitude is wrong. And sometimes, we are so attached to the wrongdoer that no matter what they do, we keep giving them numerous chances. That approach is wrong as well.
You see we need to forgive other people because that is the only way we can make peace with whatever it is that happened and move on with our life. At the same time, we need to draw the line when it comes to people who have hurt us (that too willfully) in the past.
You don’t owe anyone second chances. Your first and foremost priority should be you yourself and your mental and physical well being.
Forgiveness is not Second Chances
When you do decide to forgive someone, don’t do it because you two are close relatives or work together and thus it would be awkward if you don’t. Do it because you want to rid yourself if that bad experience. Do it because you want to liberate yourself from the bad memories which will no doubt bring you down if you let them. Do it because you don’t want to remain bitter, and by doing so you will free yourself from the last hold that this particular person had on you.
Forgiveness is for self-healing
But forgiving can be tough. It is not the easiest thing to do, but no matter how much it hurts, it will feel better once you are done with it. That is how healing can actually begin. Remember the band-aid metaphor in such situations. But forgiving someone is not be confused with forgetting whatever they did to you and giving them a second chance to repeat history.
Forgiveness is not Forgetting
When you let go of the hurt, you need to also learn to let go of the person. Do not let them have a say in your life. Sometimes in doing so, we fear that we will be labeled as spiteful. Keeping yourself first is not spiteful. The most obnoxious and at the same time hilarious complaint that I hear from cheating husbands is when they say “If she’d truly forgiven me, she’d let me back in her life”. That is bullshit. Why is she supposed to uphold your marriage and your bond together when you didn’t give two hoots about it before putting it at stake?
Why is it that the person who has been hurt, is also supposed to be the one to keep everything together?
Why should he/she have to sacrifice his/her emotions and mental health when the other person clearly didn’t care about any?
So don’t let yourself be guilt-tripped into having those people in your life you have caused your heartbreak and tears. Forgiveness means that you don’t hold a grudge against that particular person. It says nothing about having to love them as before.
When you choose to forgive someone, you are choosing self-healing. And thus, if maintaining your distance from that person is a part of your self-healing, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You don’t owe it to anyone to explain your ways when nobody bothered to pay the same courtesy to you.
Let the past, remain in the past and move towards the future with a clean and light heart.
5 Reasons Why Smart People Don’t Take Revenge They Let KARMA Take Care Of It
Why smart people don’t take revenge? here are the reasons.
Why it’s always better to let Karma take care of things
Most people believe that they will feel better if they themselves work on getting the vengeance they feel they deserve.
But when a strong person is betrayed by someone, they are well aware that they should sit back and let karma do its job.
Everything you do will always come back to you so there’s really no point wasting time on some elaborate plan for revenge.
Keep reading to find out why waiting for karma is always better.
1) You will get that much more satisfaction when karma makes that person suffer
What goes around comes around so if someone is hurting others, they’ll feel the pain they’ve inflicted on others soon enough.
Your own plan for revenge might have its pitfalls and loopholes but karma’s aim is steady and accurate. When karma strikes, the person will feel all of the hurt they’ve ever caused in one go.
You’ll get a lot more satisfaction when you get to watch them bring themselves down without you having to lift a finger or get your hands dirty.
Sometimes, even when they deserve it, you will feel guilty about causing someone else pain but when the universe itself works to make them feel the pain of their wrongdoings, nothing else can be better.
2) You won’t have to get your own hands dirty if you let karma do your work for you
It is never good to get your hands dirty for the sake of revenge. There are times when you can take vengeance on a person in a legal manner that is not too difficult.
But every action has a consequence and a price. On the other hand, karma comes with no strings attached and you won’t have to worry about doing anything illegal or wrong.
Getting vengeance isn’t always a clean activity so karma doing it allows you to be guilt free. You will be protecting yourself and your conscience won’t be wracked with doubt when you let karma do what it does best.
Those who have strength and power know that they could lose all that they have worked so hard to build if they make the smallest mistakes. Seeing your enemy suffer won’t be worth anything if you have nothing left for yourself.
3) There are always going to be wars that you cannot expect to win by yourself
Those who possess even a modicum of wisdom will be well aware that they can’t expect to take on forces greater than them and have a chance of winning.
They know that if you bite off more than you can chew, you will only end up choking. People tend to carry around their need for vengeance and all the hatred and animosity that accompanies it in their hearts, wherever they go, and for a very long time.
But at the end of the day, this is more harmful to them than to the person they want to see punished. It takes a lot of time and effort to keep holding on to that anger and when there is so much to do in life, it is simply not worth it.
Those who have done wrong will get what is coming to them when the time is right. In the meantime, those who have been wronged will simply get stuck in a rut if they keep holding on to the past. You can only move on by letting go and moving forward, keeping the focus on your own life.