Unlocking The Secret To Love: A Guide To The 5 Love Languages

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How To Love And Be Loved

Loving and being loved takes effort, but it is an enriching experience. Take a look at the 5 love languages below and how to love as well as express your love better

What makes you feel loved might not be the same for your partner. Each one of us understands, gives, and receives love through 5 basic love languages that allow us to connect on a more emotional and deeper level.

This blog is almost entirely about someone else’s brilliant idea, but it’s an idea so brilliant that I want to share it with all of my readers!

Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages created a whole movement around the concept of there being 5 languages of love, and thus 5 ways to express love to your partner.

Expressing love seems straightforward, no? Well, not so much. It seems that most of us express love in ways that WE want to be loved – as opposed to in ways our partner wants to be loved.

We might feel loved when we get a piece of jewelry as an expression of affection but our partner might feel loved by getting to spend a full day together, just the two of you. We might feel loved when we get a hug but our partner might feel loved if we take out the trash.

The key is learning what it is that your partner needs to feel loved. When you learn what that is and express your love using those actions, your partner will truly feel loved.

And it’s easy to love if you feel the love in return. And isn’t that what we all want. To love and be loved? Without further ado, the 5 Languages of Love, transcribed exactly from Gary’s Chapman’s website.

The Five Love Languages: How To Love And Be Loved

1. Quality Time

love languages to express your love
Among the 5 languages of love, which one is yours?

Nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Whether it’s spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Related: The Do’s and Don’ts of Falling and Staying In Love Based on Someone’s Love Language

2. Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.

Hearing the words, “I love you,” is important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

3. Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.

Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

4. Acts of Service

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.”

Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

5. Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.

A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.

Related: Build Strong Family Connections by Speaking Love Languages

So now you are familiar with the 5 Love Languages. What to do next? Go to Gary Chapman’s website, and, along with your partner, take the assessment. You will learn which of the love languages are yours and your partner will learn which ones are theirs.

Once you both know each others’ love languages you can stop stabbing blindly in the dark and tell your partner you love them in a language they will understand. The result? Loving and being loved. One of the keys to happiness and an essential part of living the life of your dreams.

Want more ideas about how to connect with your partner? I can help! Contact me now and let’s get you started on the path to the relationship of your dreams.

Which one the ways to express love to your partner is your favorite? Share your thoughts this valentines week. Till then happy Valentine’s day!


Written By Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared In Let Your Dreams Begin

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the love language of someone who takes or receives more than they give?

Some people have a language of love based on Giving and Receiving. Some enjoy giving more than receiving, while some acknowledge gifts with gratitude. But those who take more than they give, don’t speak any of the 5 love languages.

What love language does deep conversation fall under?

Deep conversations are in fact quality conversations and thus fall under the love language of sharing quality time.

Is an individual’s love language linked to their childhood or upbringing?

Yes, what we didn’t receive as a child becomes our love language. For instance, if your love language is Gifts, you probably didn’t receive many thoughtful presents as a child.

Is it possible to be or represent all the love languages?

Yes, all the love languages exist on a spectrum, making it possible for someone to speak or represent all of them to varying degrees.

Does a woman love you if she intentionally speaks your love language?

If someone intentionally speaks your love language to make you feel wanted and special, they might have genuine feelings for you.


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