When you feel like a failure, you can become hypercritical of not only yourself but just about anything (and anyone) else in your life. I encouraged my client to have a conversation with her, if for no other reason than to learn some strategies the colleague used to effectively manage. What my client discovered was that the colleague also feels like she’s failing at times but was happy to be a new sounding board for my client (who now feels much less alone).
7. The Yes/No/Guilt Dilemma.
Many successful professionals have a hard time saying no. Saying yes to everything, though, doesn’t work either and promotes a lot of stress. Most people who struggle with this dilemma report feeling guilty when they say no to a request. It’s that annoying little voice that says you are letting yourself or others down. I tell my clients to start by saying no to something small, to expect the emotion of guilt, and to label it when it happens.
8. Not Asking For Help.
High-achievers (especially in leadership roles) are loathe to let anybody know they can’t handle something and will go to great lengths to maintain the appearance of “having it all together.” Asking for help, whether it’s as a parent or a leader, takes a bit of vulnerability. You are admitting you can’t handle it all alone and guess what, you can’t! Nobody can.
Trying to do it all yourself produces so much frustration and stress, which leads to exhaustion. Think about one or two areas of your work or life where you need some help and figure out who or what is the best resource to get you there.
9. Over-Relying On Achievement To Feel Worthy.
Busy professionals often make the mistake of linking their self-worth to their level of achievement. I struggled with this when I left my law practice. After all, if I wasn’t “Paula the lawyer,” who exactly was I? It took me a long time (and Brené Brown’s wonderful work) to realize that I’m worthy because I exist, not because I have some title, salary, or position. Accolades, praise, promotions, and titles feel really good (and are important), but they are not who you are.
Sound familiar? Know that simple self-awareness goes a long way – if you can merely identify which traits get in your way, you can take the necessary steps to re-wire your counterproductive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors into productive ones.
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Written by: Paula Davis Originally appeared on: Stressandresilience.com Republished with permission.