How to Disarm the Narcissist Who is Using Silent Treatment
Picture this. You’re getting the silent treatment again, a lovely part of the discard phase that everyone who’s ever been in a narcissist’s path can recall. Maybe you’ve been accused of being selfish or of ignoring the narcissist’s emotional or physical needs, of being dishonest, arrogant, lazy, or any number of other insulting descriptives.
(But, for the record, what’s really happening most of the time is projection—narcissists project their own inadequacies onto their victims. So as usual, it’s all about the narcissist, not about you.)
Assuming you’re going to play the game, this is what you do to cope with the silent treatment.
The next time you’re confronted with the icy, hateful silent treatment for yet another perceived infraction, I want you to come back here and read this article again. And I want you to remember that this is a game of control – the narcissist believes he can control you with his lack of communication and concern.
The only way to take back the power here is to refuse to respond. You just go on about your life as though he isn’t there, or you do whatever you’d normally do and you blatantly ignore his behavior, no matter how pissed off he gets.
- Do not send him texts trying to reason with him.
- Do not post whiney crap on your Facebook page for all to see.
- Do not allow him to know that he is affecting you in any way at all.
- Do not give him what he wants when he behaves this way.
When he realizes he’s not breaking your heart, he’ll try something new. And while this will not solve your narcissist problem, it will stop him from enacting the silent treatment for long. More information on narcissists and the silent treatment in this video.
When the Silent Treatment Ends: Beware the Hoover
One last tip: when the narcissist decides the silent treatment is over and they need your narcissistic supply again, they will do anything in their power to “suck you back in,” a move we call “the hoover maneuver.”
Don’t fall for it – it’s not really going to get better, and they’re not really planning to change. In fact, the moment you relent and allow the narcissist back into your heart and life – they’ll go right back to the same old behavior.
Have you ever had to deal with the narcissist’s silent treatment? What did you do to cope? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Let’s discuss.
Narcissists love using the Silent Treatment, or toxic silence as a cruel punishment and the drastic effect of this method of passive-aggressive control is absolute torture.
This kind of a toxic silence conveys contempt, disapproval, and displeasure. Narcissists frequently use this tactic when you ask them for clarification about something, especially when they have done wrong. Toxic silence helps them to transfer the blame game to you and allows them to avoid taking any responsibility for their wrong actions, thereby refuting your feelings.