How Coming From A Toxic Family Makes You Hard To Love

/

,
How Coming From A Toxic Family Makes You Hard To Love

Anyone coming from a toxic family carries a lot of emotional baggage and heartbreak. Coming from a toxic family means harboring a lot of painful feelings in your heart, and not always knowing how to deal with them.

When you come from a toxic family, your way of seeing the world is often skewed.

Love and relationships, to you, are painful and difficult. Rather than seeing connections with others as positive, or as means of growing you as a person, you often feel manipulated or controlled.

Instead of wanting to open yourself to the potential of a real relationship, you tend to hold back, fearing commitment and scared to truly let go. Not only is loving hard for you, but oftentimes it becomes difficult for others to really support and care for you, too.

Related: 10 Signs of Toxic Family Enmeshment and How It May Impact You As An Adult

Here’s how coming from a toxic family makes you hard to love, and ways you can learn to open yourself a little more.

1. You’re often guarded and afraid to let others in.

Your toxic family has negatively shaped the way you view relationships.

Because you’ve been hurt so many times by the people closest to you, you’re guarded. You don’t want to let people in because you’re tired of being disappointed and hurt.

Opening up seems like a chore and one where the risk doesn’t outweigh the reward. Although you want to let others in, you either feel like you can’t because of your past, or you’ve completely forgotten how because of the walls you’ve built.

2. You’re hesitant when it comes to giving someone your heart.

You’re hesitant when it comes to anything with your heart.

You’ve built protective walls and barriers to keep people as far from you as you possibly can—life feels safer that way.

Giving someone your heart sounds beautiful but requires vulnerability that you’re not willing to have yet. Your toxic family has taught you that when you’re vulnerable, you get hurt, and the fear you have outweighs your willingness to even try.

3. You tend to assume the worst when it comes to people and situations.

You’ve learned to not expect too much from people because they often leave you disappointed or hurt. Because of your family experiences, you tend to assume the worst. This keeps you from really getting close to people or taking chances on relationships.

4. You’re unwilling to really trust.

Trust isn’t something you freely give.

After all, the closest people to you have betrayed you time and time again. Even if you’re faced with a genuine person who proves his or her loyalty, you’re still unwilling to return that trust.

5. You often make knee-jerk decisions, or react in the moment rather than thinking things through.

Because of your toxic family, you often react in-the-moment.

If something upsets you, you express this—often negatively. If there’s any sign of trouble, you have the tendency to balk or run. This leaves you from actually getting through tough moments and makes people feel as if you’re flighty or inconsistent.

Coming From A Toxic Family
Coming From A Toxic Family

How you can open yourself to love a little more

Coming from a toxic family can create barriers in the way you build connections and relationships with others.

Although you’ve been through a difficult or tumultuous past, you can’t let that negativity shape the new relationships in your life.

In order to open yourself up, you must understand that every person is different. Just because someone close to you hurt you in the past doesn’t mean the new person in your life will. Just because you’ve been heartbroken before doesn’t make falling in love again any less worth it.

Related: 5 Helpful Tips To Deal With Toxic Family And Save Yourself

Practice being vulnerable in small segments. Share one secret and let this naturally build into more and deeper things. Show up for people and listen when they share something with you. And above all, understand that healing takes time.

You are not your toxic family, and you will move on and find loving, nurturing relationships despite what happened to you.


How Coming From A Toxic Family Makes You Hard To Love
how coming from a toxic family makes you hard to love pin
How Coming From A Toxic Family Makes You Hard To Love
  • Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
Up Next

Workplace Bullying: How To Deal With Bullies At Work

How To Deal With Bullies At Work

Trying to deal with workplace bullying day in and day out is not an easy thing to go through. If leaving your job is not the solution for you, a few research-based strategies might help you deal with the bullies at work.

Key Points

  • Toxic cultures are the top reason employees give for abandoning their employment.
  • Less than 25% of workplace bullies suffer negative repercussions for their bad behavior.
  • The best thing to do in response to workplace bullying is to leave. If that's impossible, maintaining physical distance from the bully can help.

For many of us, work is not simply a place we go to secure insurance and collect a paycheck; it is a community in which we seek belonging and purpose. Unfortunately, for targets of w


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

When You Are Your Own Abuser: 7 Ugly Signs Of Self Abuse That You Ignore

Do You Emotionally Abuse Yourself

What do you feel when you hear the word abuse? An abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment others. But what do you feel when you hear the word self abuse? Are you an abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment yourself? No, right?

While we can easily spot the signs of abuse in someone else, it is often difficult for us to recognize the same signs when we abuse our own selves. We think it is normal to keep telling ourselves that we are no good. We believe it is okay to constantly compare ourselves with others. We feel it absolutely okay to let our insecurities, fears, anxieties, self-doubts and lack of confidence dominate our lives. Only it is NOT! Abusing yourself is as wrong and unethical as abusing others. 

And this is why it is important that you identify the signs of self abuse an


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

6 Signs You’re In A Trauma Bond: What You Need To Know About The Trauma Bond And Healing

Signs Youre In Trauma Bond

When you’re healing from emotional abuse, it can be a little bit difficult to know where you stand. You can have good days, and then suddenly you’re rocked with a terrible day where you can’t stop thinking about the abusive person in your life. This is because recovery is never a straight line. And there’s also something called the trauma bond that’s a natural reaction to the abuse you’ve endured.

You may have heard of the trauma bond before. But we’re going to do a quick recap of what it is exactly (just in case you haven’t). And then we’re going to get into the six signs that you may still be in the trauma bond.

And then at the end, naturally, we’re going to talk about what to do if you are still in the trauma bond.


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲

Up Next

6 Stages Of Recovering From A Toxic Relationship

Stages Of Recovering From A Toxic Relationship

Recovering from a toxic relationship is not as easy as most people consider it to be. You might have left your abusive partner and finally escaped from the hellhole you were in, but healing from the trauma and pain left by toxic relationships can be hard to accept and deal with.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described the 5 stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, paving the way for a deeper understanding of grief in the field of mental health. More than 50 years have passed since then, but these 5 stages are still used as a framework to describe many of the experiences of grief and grieving from traumatic events.

We now know that these stages can come in a different order, can be skipped over and/or repeated, and newer research has been suggesting that there are different stages that the bereav


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Raised By A Borderline Mother: Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal

Borderline Mother Effects How To Deal

Children who have grown up with borderline mothers know how hard it is to live with them and try and maintain a relationship with them. Understanding the borderline mother needs a lot of patience, but at the same time, it can be emotionally and psychologically exhausting too. However, you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling like this, because a borderline mother can be a lot, like really a lot.

When you are raised by a BPD mother, more often than not your childhood is characterized by fear, anguish, anxiety, and trauma. From a very young age, you learn to tread on eggshells because you never know what might trigger her or set her off. You never knew how she would react, which is why you were in a constant


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲