To the Guy Who I Thought I Would Grow Old with

To the Guy Who I Thought I Would Grow Old with

To The Guy Who I Thought I Would Grow Old With

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” – Elizabeth Gilbert

In this journey of life many people cross our ways. Some just pass by while some touch more than our hearts, they touch our soul. They come without any invitation or notice but come along with balloons of joy. They transform our life, from a lonely highway in a deserted place we jump on a roller coaster. You just wish time would freeze right at this moment and you wish these moments lasted forever but that’s not how nature works, nothing lasts forever. At the end you’re left with pieces no science can put together but most importantly it leaves behind a lesson no teacher could ever teach you.

To the guy who I thought I would grow old with

Apologies and Thank you

You may find it odd as I was never the girl who gave a fuck to the world. There were times I needed to apologize but I didn’t, there were times I needed to show gratitude but I didn’t. I do now. My sincere apologies and thank you. Thank you for those magical moments and thank you for these moments too. Thank you for letting me realize I can live without you. I am learning to live again and smile again. The pains and frustration I received became the best teacher I could ever have. Maybe weren’t destined to be together but you once touched my heart and darling you’ll be there forever.

Shattered is my heart

Each broken piece carries a memory that puts a smile on my face. Though brief I am glad I lived those moments. You broke my heart, it’s okay, maybe this is what destiny had in place for us. You had your fights and you never wanted me to join. I had to let go because I know one can never convince or inspire someone to love you. You never were ready.

Those challenges were my love for you

I am sorry I cannot be content with anything less than perfect. I wanted the best of you forth. I craved more from you. I wanted the best for you and both of us. I wanted you to do things you were capable of. I wanted you to unwrap the gifts within you. I wanted you to unleash your talents and let not those be dormant doing good to none. I dreamed big, a big future for both of us.

Maybe I didn’t know how to love

There were difficult times and fights which were completely unnecessary. I fought with you when I shouldn’t have but that darling those were results of my passion and emotions for you. I love you, I loved every part of your, I cared. I cried in your arms for hours and hold your hand when you did, I knew you weren’t broken and you wouldn’t quit, you were low. I love how we whispered the words of reassurance in such times.

The simple joys in life

I loved how you slept, I loved how talked. I loved everything about you. I remember how love was literally in the air in those moments. The joys in the little things we discovered. Things will never be the same again. Together we traveled back in time where we were innocent kids again exploring the joys in life.

The smell of your hair, your touch, your eyes, and the moments when I heard your heartbeat. I will cherish these forever. I thought we would grow old together but such is life.

No regrets.


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To the Guy Who I Thought I Would Grow Old

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Responses

  1. Harriett Chambers Avatar
    Harriett Chambers

    That was very harsh reality to learn if it’s true. As I read it I actually related to the words but my heart, soul & mind hasn’t found healing. Ib don’t think I will ever, NO I know I will never be the same happy, secure & joyful person without him. I been trying to move forward, accept it is what it is and understand things change but 7 years later I am still broken & tearful if I think about what was to long. Absolutely, it isn’t the same hurt it’s definitely not that I can’t breathe feeling these days. But I can’t seem to get unstuck from the life we shared & won’t share. I’m ashame that I still feel so deeply. I try not to talk about to others, I like to hold on to a little dignity. I know we will never be together again 💔 it still brings tears to my eyes and heart. It was just sad to read that was going to be the outcome no matter what. If I would have known that I would have just jumped off a bridge in the beginning that would have probably hurt less. Oh well I guess like they say it’s what it is….

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