If you are eagerly planning for your crucial second date, then you have hit the right post. Knowing what to do is sometimes not enough! You also need to know what not to do. Here’s what to avoid if you want him to ask you on a second date.
One of my male friends recently found himself in a really common situation that I want to talk about today.
He met a new woman on Tinder and initiated their in-person meeting after exchanging a week’s worth of text messages and calls. It went well. Their phone conversations were good and went long– sometimes running an hour or two. After their first meeting, they talked daily.
The following Wednesday, after he got in touch to say hello, she asked what he was planning to do that day.
He listed what he was planning. His response didn’t include her or much of anything else besides spending time with his son and finishing out his busy workday.
She responded with “so I’m not seeing you this week?”
As he often does, he got in touch with me to share his annoyance with her approach.
So what happened here?
What went wrong asking about second date?
First, she pre-rejected herself.
She took his response as a rejection and then reacted to the perceived rejection.
But my friend wasn’t actually rejecting her.
He was simply answering her question. He didn’t have a grand plan for what he was doing with this woman. He was just going about his normal day.
Next, she implied that he was doing something wrong by not asking her out yet.
This was a normal Wednesday for him.
For her to say “so I’m not seeing you this week”, she implied that he was doing something wrong by not scheduling a date… yet.
And it’s Wednesday.
Some women sabotage themselves when they fall for the mistaken idea that if a guy doesn’t make plans for the weekend by the beginning of the week, he doesn’t want to see them at all.
This was the furthest thing from his mind. To him, they were in touch.
Whether he was or was not planning anything at that moment is irrelevant since he was interested enough to be speaking to her daily in the first place.
She basically made up something in her head about what he should/should not be doing and then passive aggressively attacked him over it.
Third, nagging a man about his behavior is not a good way to inspire him long term (or even short term in this case).
The sad part about this exchange is that her comment was actually meant as a bid to see him again. Instead, it came off naggy and out of place because it came from a place of lack and rejection.
Even this short comment made him want nothing to do with her.
And unfortunately, that’s how quickly masculine energy people will disappear when they feel disrespected.
So, why was her comment disrespectful to him?
Because it points to a lack of respect for his timing. And the masculine energy source absolutely rules timing.
When you disrespect a masculine man’s timing by being passive-aggressive about his choices like this, he will not give you more time. He will give you less.
If she wasn’t in her own anxiety about what he was doing, she could have tackled this situation with him in several different ways:
She could have gone into her own masculine and asked him out herself.
She could have waited and let him make a plan.