The Day I Stopped Choosing You

 / 

The Day I Stopped Choosing You

The Day I Stopped Choosing You…..

In choosing you, I stopped choosing myself.

I chose you.

Every single moment for six hundred and thirty-three days, I chose to love you. To believe you. To forgive you. To embrace you.

I chose to stand by you even when times got tough and nearly unbearable. Even when I had lost nearly everything and knew I probably should stop. I kept choosing you.

Maybe I thought that you would change. That thing would get better. Maybe I just had nobody else and an incredibly low self-esteem. Something that you constantly reminded me. Maybe I just wanted you to fucking choose me back. Just one time. Once.

If I walked away, I had nothing. Except for wasted time and a broken heart. This had to be worth it, I thought to myself. You had to be worth it. I saw something that nobody else saw. I knew you. Right?

But I ignored everything. I dismissed red flags and deal breakers and all the standards I had made for myself. I found myself making up excuses for you, being too understanding. Caving and bending and breaking every step of the way.

Why I stopped choosing? 

In choosing you, I begin to stop choosing me. I stopped choosing the things that I loved, the people that I loved. Choosing you was all-consuming. It took everything inside me to do it. To continue to love you and stick around every single day. I lost myself. And then I started to believe that I didn’t have a choice anymore. Loving you was the only thing I had, and I couldn’t give that up, too.

So I stayed. I stayed much longer than I should and much longer than I wanted. I ignored family and friends telling me to leave, to get out, to choose myself. How could I do that to you? I thought that I was helping you, fixing you. This was my only purpose in the world: choosing you. You had slowly convinced me that I deserved it all. I deserved you and the pain and the choice of choosing somebody who never chooses you back. Nobody would ever choose me, you said.

I was lucky.

Wondering if your partner stopped choosing you? Watch can we choose to fall out of love

But today is the day that I stop choosing you.

I delete all the pictures of you from my Facebook. The happy times that never seemed to last. I watched as our smiling faces disappeared, and I cried at how it was possible to both love and hate somebody. There were so many good memories mixed in with the bad. There was so much longing and desire still left, but also so much pain. Unbearable amounts of pain.

I never wanted to stop choosing you. Even as I type these words, my heart aches. For you. For us. For you to just finally choose me back. And I wonder how long it will feel like this. I imagine time will dull the discomfort, make life a little more tolerable.

Every day that I stop choosing you, I will start choosing me. I will choose my children and my photography and my books and my writing. I will choose to remember what I love about myself and perhaps begin to fall in love with life again.

Every moment that I don’t choose you, I will get stronger. Happier. Wiser. I will realize that I made the right choice, and I will continue to make it until I find somebody new to choose. Somebody to love me the way that I deserve. The way that I have always deserved but never really knew.

The day I stopped choosing you will, one day, be a distant memory. But for now, for the moment, it will be a sad, emotional day that I wish was not happening.

Wondering if he stopped choosing you?Do you also want to stop choosing him? For clarity

Read Choose Her Everyday Or Leave Her


By Emily Lingenfelser
This article has been republished from Yourtango.com

THE DAY I STOPPED CHOOSING YOU
The Day I Stopped Choosing You
The Day I Stopped Choosing You

— Share —

— About the Author —

Responses

Leave a Reply



Up Next

30 Things To Do Alone — Learn To Have Fun By Yourself

Fun Things To Do Alone To Make You Happy

In a world that’s constantly buzzing, people fail to pay attention to the art of being alone. That’s why I’ve come up with fun things to do alone at home, on a Friday night, or the weekend.

Sometimes, you need to find things to do alone to make you happy because it is responsible for numerous self-discoveries and peace from within.

It’s not just about luxury but few minutes with yourself will help rejuvenate your soul. All those moments by yourself range from quite reflections to nerve-wracking escapades.

30 Fun Things To Do Alone To Make You Happy

Before you say, “I’m bored”, take pride in your own company and start off on a journey of <



Up Next

7 Warning Signs Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship And How to Rediscover Your Sense of Self

Signs Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship

Are you starting to feel like you have lost yourself in a relationship? Do you have this persistent feeling that you don’t know who you are anymore? You know, that feeling when you are so caught up in someone else’s world, that you forget who you are? Well, these are just some signs of losing yourself in a relationship.

Believe it or not, this is actually quite a common feeling, and lots of people experience this. If you have ever felt like you have lost yourself in a relationship, then this article can be a godsend for you.

Let’s delve into the all those signs of losing yourself in a relationship, so that you can stop yourself from doing so (at least to some extent!). And not just this, we will also talk about what to do when you lose yourself in a relationship. So, are you ready to explore this? Let’s go then!



Up Next

The Power Of Alone Time: 9 Surprising Benefits Of Solitude

Surprising Mental Health Benefits Of Solitude

Ever sat with yourself in the quiet darkness of the night when the world goes to sleep and stars smile at you? When you are alone with your thoughts, away from the hustle and bustle of daily life, that’s exactly when you start experiencing the benefits of solitude. 

In a world that thrives on constant connectivity and noise, it’s easy to overlook the need for silence and solitude. But what if I told you that embracing and cherishing these moments of solitude could have a significant positive impact on your mental well-being? 

Let’s  explore the importance of solitude and delve into the remarkable mental health benefits of solitude in our lives.

The Need for Solitude



Up Next

7 Habits To Foster A Positive Relationship With Social Media: From FOMO To JOMO

Habits To Foster A Positive Relationship With Social Media

We all know that it’s hard to resist the allure of scrolling through feeds, liking posts, and staying connected in this digital age. But let’s face it, sometimes our relationship with social media can get a bit complicated. It’s like a rollercoaster ride with its ups and downs, and can leave you feeling both exhilarated and emotionally drained.

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning whether you’re spending too much time doom scrolling or feeling overwhelmed by the constant barrage of information, then you’ve come to the right place.

In this article, we’re going to explore seven habits that will help you build a healthy relationship with social media, and why healthy social media use can be really good for you in the long run.



Up Next

8 Powerful Self Compassion Exercises To Rescue Your Mind And Soul

Self Compassion Exercises to Transform Your Life

Are you your own harshest critic? Do you constantly strive for perfection and feel like you’re never good enough? Is it making you feel exhausted? Then you need to learn and practice self compassion exercises so that you can treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. 

Let’s explore some transformative self compassion practices that will help you break free from self-judgment and embrace your authentic self. So, grab a cup of your favorite beverage, settle in, and let’s figure out how to truly accept yourself.

Understanding Self-Compassion: Being Kind Toward Ourselves

Before we delve into self compassion exercises, let’s take a moment to understand what self-compassion truly means



Up Next

Self Care Ideas For Mental Health: 10 Mental Health Boosters For Those Bad Days

Easy Self Care Ideas For Mental Health And Those Bad Days

Feeling like your brain is doing backflips in a rollercoaster? You know those days when your mental health takes a nosedive and it feels like you are caught up in a relentless storm? But fear not, because I’ve got your back with these self care ideas for mental health that can help you ride out the bumpy patches.

Whether you’re battling anxiety, stress, tension or just a case of the blues, these easy self care ideas will give you the boost you need to conquer the day. So grab a cup of tea, cozy up, and get ready to discover some self-care ideas for bad days that will leave you feeling like a superhero in no time.

Related: Self Care: 12 Tips to Take Better



Up Next

How Can You Respect Yourself? 8 Ways To Cultivate Self-Respect and Dignity

How Can You Respect Yourself? Steps to Value Yourself

Have you ever wondered how to give yourself the love and appreciation you truly deserve? You show respect to everyone around you, but what about you? Do you extend the same courtesy to yourself? And if you feel like you don’t, then how can you respect yourself?

It’s time to dive into the world of self-respect and what does it mean to respect yourself. The kindness and admiration you show others, you deserve the same too. In a world that often emphasizes the importance of validation from others, it’s easy to overlook the fact that real confidence and true self-worth comes from within.

So, are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-care, and become your biggest cheerleader? Let’s find out how can you respect yourself, and give yourself the importance you deserve.