Subtle emotional abuse is exactly like it sounds. When you react, the person who is emotionally abusing you might try to pin it on you and make you out to be overdramatic and attention-seeking, but you are being anything but that.
Women arenโt crazyโwe simply have feelings and have every right to express them without being invalidated or labeled as crazy.
Yashir Ali wrote an awesome article for The Good Men Project, called ‘Why Women Arenโt Crazy’, that was pivotal for me.
Learn The The Subtle Emotional Abuse – Things That Aren’t So Obvious
Have you ever heard of the term โgaslighting?โ
Itโs manipulation that happens frequently (to both men and women). I just learned about this subtle form of emotional abuse a couple of years ago. It has been helpful to me in putting together the pieces of my life in recovery.
Often, the โabuserโ doesnโt realize he or she is being abusive when gaslighting occurs. However, that doesnโt make the effects of gaslighting any less abusive or manipulative.
Gaslighting occurs while diminishing the victimโs feelings with comments like โYouโre so sensitive,โ or โDonโt be so dramatic.โ And my personal favorite, โWhereโs your sense of humor?โ
The purpose behind these statements is to make the victim back down, question their own motives, thoughts, and feelingsโand essentiallyโbe, act or come across as โcrazy.โ
For someone who may be sensitive, emotional or an empath in the first place, this kind of treatment can lead to shut down and major depression.
I should know. Until a few years ago, this had been the story of my life. However, now that Iโm wise to it, and am no longer in a state of depression, I can instantly recognize gaslighting and I simply wonโt tolerate it.
Itโs possible youโve made statements like these without realizing the potential harmful effects these words can have on the receiver. Itโs just as likely these words have been said to you.
If so, how did they make you feel?
Iโm guessing not so great. Itโs important that we donโt do this to one anotherโespecially to those we love.
More importantly, now that youโre aware of this type of abuse, please donโt tolerate it in your intimate, personal or familial relationships.
Related: 20 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
Also, itโs certainly not appropriate within the ranks of your employerโalthough itโs common there as well.
My former CEO boss once told me, โIf youโre sensitive that day, do something so you wonโt be sensitive.โ Sure thing buddy. My emotions donโt come with an on/off switch.
Nor should they. My sensitivity enables me to anticipate your needs before you even know you need something. Thatโs ONE of the reasons you hired me (after I passed 10 grueling interviews).
Are you SURE you donโt want me to be sensitive?
Yashir Ali demonstrates in his brilliant article the reasons women arenโt crazy. We simply have feelings and have every right to express them without being invalidated or labeled as crazy.
Speaking of labels, crazy is one Iโve worn (somewhat proudly) most of my life. I am now on a mission to eliminate it from my vocabulary. More specifically, I want to disassociate that label from my persona.
I have much better descriptors Iโd rather use; like brilliant, transformed, empathetic, passionate, enthusiastic, devoted, inspired, motivated, encouraged, shiny, talented, and badass!
What labels do you choose for yourself over โcrazy?โ
Written by Melissa Drake Originally appeared in The Good Men Project
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