8 Subtle Signs Your Partner Wants A Divorce From You

signs your partner wants divorce from you

You just can’t shake off that foreboding feeling that there’s something very, very wrong with your marriage. And no matter how much you may try to tell yourself that everything is fine, you have this voice at the back of your mind constantly telling you that your partner wants a divorce.

Key Points:

If someone suspects their spouse is thinking about divorce, it is likely because they're seeing signs they shouldn't ignore.

Warning signs include emotional disconnection, loss of romance, and living like roommates.

Once contempt enters a relationship, it may be too late to save the marriage.

To fix an ailing marriage, partners will need to confront the issues together—or end the relationship respectfully to avoid further damage.

Your gut is telling you that your marriage is on the rocks.

This realization may come to you gradually, or friends and family may bring up their concerns. My clients have frequently brought this issue to counseling. As Lisa (not her real name) told me, “My parents wondered why we aren’t going out together like we used to. They used to babysit for us every week, but it has been months now. I know something is wrong, but I can’t figure it out. We just aren’t happy; we aren’t having fun anymore. What is going on?”

Maybe you want to avoid thinking about this, hoping that the marriage will get better with time. This is almost always a mistake. If you suspect your spouse wants a divorce, it is probably because you are seeing signs that you shouldn’t ignore.

Related: 10 Warning Signs Your Relationship Has Ended

Here Are Some Signs That Your Spouse Is Quite Unhappy And Considering Divorce:

1. Your Spouse Is Avoiding You, Avoiding Time Together, Or Avoiding Conversation.

Jeff told me, “It seems like all she wants to do is be with her friends. I don’t even know what she’s doing or when she’ll be home! Sometimes I eat dinner alone because she hasn’t even checked in!” Margo says, “When I try to tell Marc about my day, he isn’t even listening. He looks totally bored!”

Common indicators of detachment include:

  • She or he isn’t interested in where you are or what you’re doing.
  • You feel an emotional disconnect.

If you’ve been arguing a lot, you may be glad to have some distance—but if it continues, it is a sign of serious problems in your relationship.

2. You Live Like Roommates And Your Partner Rejects Sexual Overtures.

Kim told me sadly, “We are like ships passing in the night.” And Jack said, “We used to make love often, but now we can go for months without physical contact.”

In relationships like this, there is no more romance. If you talk at all, it is about logistics like who can pick up groceries. Your spouse may not cuddle, hug, or say “I love you” anymore. You may have told yourself that this is normal over time.

3. Your Spouse Is Unwilling To Work On The Relationship To Resolve Conflicts Or Improve Communication.

Becca said, “I bought the book on how to fix our marriage, but he never even opened it.”

You have expressed your worries that he or she is drifting away. You have offered to do whatever it takes to fix your marriage: counseling, date nights, even reading self-help books together. But your partner isn’t interested in taking steps to improve things. Or perhaps she or he will agree to some token steps, unenthusiastically.

Related: 6 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is Over, Even If You Still Care For Them

4. Your Spouse Doesn’t Seem To Care About Your Feelings.

Jeff said, “When I told Maggie that my boss gave me a bad review, she just said I should ‘get over it.’”

There is a lot of arguing, criticism, blame, stonewalling, and contempt. John Gottman calls these the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Or worse, communication has completely shut down.

5. He Or She Is Always “Busy” And Preoccupied With Late Nights At “Work,” Texting, Disappearing For Walks, Or Phone Calls With “A Friend.”

You may suspect or know about an affair. Chris, for example, noticed that Angie was distracted and that she seemed to have a lot of secret phone calls and texts. “She changed her password on her computer so that raised my suspicions. I knew she’d had an affair last year but she’d promised it was over. Now I am not so sure.”

Marie said, “He never used to have so many dinner meetings at work! But when he got home after 11:00 one night, I knew something was going on.”

when your partner wants divorce

6. Your Spouse Suddenly Begins To Care More About Their Looks.

Abby said her husband was talking about hair replacement and going on a diet. He was spending hours working out at the gym. “At first, I supported his efforts to improve his looks, but then I started to wonder why, all of sudden, this is so important to him?”

Neil told me that he’d been asking his wife to lose weight for years, and now wondered “Why is she so committed to this crash diet when she doesn’t seem interested in me at all?”

7. Your Spouse Is Secretive About Money, His Social Media, Email, And Phone.

If they have not been involved in your family finances, they might suddenly get very interested.

James told me “My wife quickly shuts down the phone or computer when I come into the room. It seems like she’s hiding something!” Fran said, “I don’t know where Jim is investing now, and I never see the bank statements anymore.”

Related: 21 Signs Your Relationship Is Over and It’s Time To Quit

8. You Notice That The Computer Search History Has Terms Like “Divorce,” “Divorce Lawyers,” Or “Separation.”

“The alarm bells went off when I saw this,” said Pat. “It was a wake-up call. But I guess I must have suspected something was going on when I decided to look at the search history.”

“I got curious when Richard was on his computer in the middle of the night. So when he wasn’t around, I looked at his search history,” Chris said. “I was devastated. I knew things weren’t great but I never thought he’d even think about divorce.”

Want to know more about the signs that your partner wants divorce from you? Check this video out below!

Now What?

These issues cannot be swept under the rug. If you want to strengthen your relationship, you will need to tackle these issues directly.

Stay calm and focused, even if the marriage may already be past the point of rescue. Ask your partner if he/she is willing to work on the relationship, repair it, or go to marriage counseling. If your partner refuses, then divorce is almost inevitable.

Get the emotional support you need, from a therapist, family, or friends. Then, try to work with your spouse to choose a respectful, honest, and amicable legal process. This will cost you less financially and emotionally. It will also help you recover and learn to be good co-parents if you have children.

Related: How to Communicate Unhappiness in Your Relationship So Your Partner Really Hears You

If you have a question or would like to comment, you can go to my Facebook page to join the conversation.

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2021

Written By Ann Gold Buscho 
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today 
signs your partner wants divorce from you pinex
signs your partner wants divorce from you pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How To Date A Widower? Finding Love Again

Dating A Widower: Tips and the Red Flags You Can't Ignore!

Picking yourself up after losing a spouse is a traumatizing experience. Learning how to date a widower will allow you to provide a safe space for healing for the man you love and care for.  

If you’re thinking about dating a widower, it’s important to know how to handle things. It can be a tricky road to navigate, but can provide you with a loving and fulfilling relationship.

This article is here to help you out. We’ll give you some simple tips and advice that can make things easier for you.

How To Date A Widower? 

When it comes to dating a widower, it’s essential to approach the relationsh

Up Next

How To Get Over A Failed Marriage

How To Get Over A Failed Marriage: Nine Strategies For Healing

Is your marriage going down the drain? Do you feel heartbroken, lost and confused, with no apparent way to make things better with your spouse? Well, you can still heal yourself and move on. Let’s explore how to get over a failed marriage.

A Union of Blessings or Pain?

Marriage is often considered a sacred bond between two individuals, filled with love, companionship, and dreams of a shared future. It is a union bestowed with blessings, often from a higher power.

However, not all marriages have a fairy-tale ending. When a

Up Next

7 Common Lies About Life After Divorce You May Have Heard: Thriving After Divorce

Seven Common Lies About Life After Divorce You May Have Heard

When someone gets divorced, some people are really eager to feed them all sorts of lies about life after divorce. There are so many lies you may have heard about life after divorce. Even though life after divorce is not exactly easy, but it’s never as bad as it’s made out to be by most people. 

There are several lies you may have heard about what to expect from life after divorce. Life after divorce can be tough and emotionally painful no matter what the situation is. However, it can be a struggle or it can be a time of great healing and rewarding on so many levels.

You may find that you come to a crossroads after the divorce is fin

Up Next

5 Reasons Why I Fired My Therapist After Divorce

Five Reasons Why I Fired My Therapist After Divorce

This post is going to talk about why sometimes firing your therapist might be a good idea, after you file for divorce. Let’s find out the reasons behind the author saying “why I fired my therapist after divorce?”

I fired my therapist after deciding to file for divorce. Firing my therapist was one of the best decisions I made for myself after my separation. My ex-husband and I had been going to counseling together in an attempt to save our marriage. Or at least I was trying to save it.

My ex-husband was gaslighting both of us d

Up Next

5 Brutal Reasons Divorced People Threaten Married People: The Challenging Dynamics Revealed

Divorced People Threaten Married People: Five Brutal Reasons

Have you ever wondered why some divorced people threaten married people? It’s an intriguing phenomenon that can stir up a range of emotions and reactions. 

The truth is that married people are threatened by divorced people in ways that may surprise you. In this article, we’ll delve into five compelling reasons behind this intriguing dynamic.

Read more here: 9 Warning Signs Of Resentment In Marriage And How To Deal With Them

What Are The Possible

Up Next

4 Reasons Why Staying In A Bad Marriage Is Worse for Kids Than Divorce

Reasons Staying In Bad Marriage Worse for Kids Than Divorce

Staying in a bad marriage for your kids is not the noble decision you believe it to be. Witnessing an unhealthy relationship between you and your spouse and seeing your toxic marriage up close can cause even more damage than divorce in the long run.

Attitudes toward divorce are changing. When I was a kid, divorced parents were given the evil eye. Heads shook, tongues clicked; divorcees were homewreckers, selfish and unloving, they destroyed children’s lives. Some churches banned them from services—apparently, even God wasn’t a fan.

The message to married couples: Keep your marriage intact by any means necessary.

Times have changed; today, nearly half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Whether divorce hurts or helps children depends on how it is handled by their

Up Next

5 Ways To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce 

Ways To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce

Divorce is a difficult process that takes a mental toll, however, if you want to rebuild your life after divorce, here are active steps for moving on in life and healing.

Are you wondering how to get your life together after divorce?

Is the life that you once led, the one that you knew so well, suddenly completely gone and do you have no idea what to do next?

Let me help!

Getting divorced can be devastating but it doesn’t have to be life ending. Getting divorced is s