How to Communicate Unhappiness in Your Relationship So Your Partner Really Hears You

 / 

,
How to Communicate Unhappiness in Your Relationship

Conflict in a relationship is inevitable, misunderstandings in a relationship cannot be avoided and it can be effectively handled. Without proper communication, we feel isolated and misunderstood and let the negative emotions lead to arguments and unhappiness.

By developing your communication skills, you and your partner will be able to establish a loving, respectful relationship. With effective communication, you can create a positive outcome and make your partner really hear you.

“People do not experience love in the same way, and if you’re not speaking your partner’s ‘love language’, that can result in great unhappiness.” Kim Olver

Is your relationship getting you down? Here are five tips on how to communicate unhappiness in a relationship so that true change can come about.

Give It Some Thought

Before you launch into telling your partner about being unhappy – make sure you know what you’re going to communicate.

This may sound obvious, but as an online sex coach, I’ve noticed that this can often be forgotten in the heat of the moment.

You get annoyed with your partner because they didn’t take out the rubbish and all of a sudden you’ve launched into a full-on fight, letting your partner know just how unhappy you are and how much it’s their fault.

At the moment, it feels good to get it off your chest, but later on, you realize you hurt your partner and the fight didn’t really lead anywhere. Things didn’t get better and you didn’t get to the root of your unhappiness.

Putting some thought into it means working out:
a) what’s making you unhappy
b) what you think you want instead
c) how you believe you can both get there.

By communicating these three things you’ll eliminate the risk of conflict, and increase the chances of a positive and fruitful conversation that leads to a happier, healthier relationship.

Read: How Do You Communicate In A Relationship Without Fighting About The Same Old Things?

Think of The ‘How’

Communicate unhappiness
How To Communicate Unhappiness In Your Relationship So Your Partner Really Hears You

How to communicate unhappiness in a relationship, so you’re actually heard, also has to do with how you say things. Oftentimes we think so much about what we want things to look like, that there’s little time or energy left to consider how to talk about the changes we desire.

This is problematic – because our partner doesn’t only hear the content of our words – they hear the way we say them and which words we choose. In fact, our body language says a lot to our partner which is why it’s important to learn how to improve your non-verbal communication in your relationship, too.

If your partner reads your physical expression as aggressive, they’re more likely to feel attacked, making them adopt a defensive stance – and effectively ruling out any room for real improvement.

In order for your partner to hear you, you need to take how you say things into account, both with your words and your body language.

This involves accepting part of the blame – not because you should, but because it’s true.

Take Responsibility

When you’re unhappy in your relationship, it’s easy to blame it on your partner. You believe they’re the sole reason things aren’t great in a certain area of your relationship.

But the fact of the matter is – unhappiness in a relationship is often the cause of two people (providing the issue isn’t about abuse, of course. This is never the responsibility of the partner being abused).

How to accept responsibility for your relationship and impart it to your loved one can happen in many ways. It might look like saying:

“I understand I’m difficult to approach when I’m in a bad mood, and that this causes you
to withdraw, even if what I truly want is closeness.”
Or
● “I feel upset when you don’t want sex and because I was never taught how to deal with
sadness, I turn to anger instead and lash out at you. I’m sorry.”

The above examples take into account both of your reactions and why you believe they happen. They give your partner a chance to understand your behavior and to understand how their
behavior affects you.

When you accept part of the blame and take responsibility, you help your partner do the same. This is a great way of how to communicate unhappiness in a relationship – and how to turn it
into a moment of connection.

Do It Face to Face

When we experience difficulties in our relationship or marriage, it can be tempting to communicate this via text or email. While this doesn’t have to be a bad idea – it’s not usually a great one.

Oftentimes, we do this to avoid emotional intensity or connection – the very thing we perhaps need to experience with our partner in order to feel happy and satisfied.

Texting your partner your annoyances about their reluctance to cleaning or their low libido might feel easier at the moment like you’re able to avoid conflict. But more often than not, communicating via text about something serious and potentially hurtful leads to more conflict down the line.

As we’ve already established, our partner hears so much more than just the content alone. It’s the
way we say what we say, both with our tone of voice and with our body language. They both help our partners to understand what we’re feeling and what we want.

When we’re face to face we can more easily gauge our partner’s reaction and tailor what we say so that our words perhaps hurt less or are heard better.

Even if we’re communicating something negative or difficult, doing it face to face can make the
experience a more unifying one.

Read: Why The Silent Treatment Never Works And 6 Ways To Communicate Better

Do It More Than Once

When thinking about how to communicate unhappiness – you’ll want to make sure this isn’t a one-time thing.

This doesn’t mean you should tell your partner how unsatisfied you are every day (that’s more like a fast track to separation!). It does, however, mean following up the conversation to see how things are going.

It means connecting about the issue at hand and how you’re both contributing to solving it. Rarely have I seen couples where a problem is solved overnight or after one conversation. It takes time, dedication, and effort. So don’t be surprised if you both fall off the wagon or get lost on the way – it’s all part of the process – and it’s ok.

How to Communicate Unhappiness in a Relationship Is About

Five Things

We all experience tough times, no matter how great our relationship or marriage is. It’s how we get through these difficult times that determine how a relationship’s strength and tenacity over time.

If you’re serious about making a change in your relationship and really want your partner to hear you (who doesn’t, right?), you’ll want to think about the following five things:

Communicate what’s causing the unhappiness, what you want instead, and how to solve it
● Think about the words you choose and your body language when telling your partner the
above
● Accept responsibility and partial blame for the problems that are causing your unhappiness. Not because it’s the right thing to do – but because you actually can see your part in it.
● Communicate your unhappiness face to face
● Talk about the problem/s several times and revisit how your progress is going.

It’s hard talking about problems, but the best way of getting the relationship you want is to learn how to communicate unhappiness in a relationship so your partner truly can hear you.

Originally published at LeighNoren.com


How to Communicate Unhappiness  in Your Relationship pin
How To Communicate Unhappiness In Your Relationship So Your Partner Really Hears You

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

4 Powerful Ways to Accept Vulnerability and Sensitivity In Your Life

Vulnerability and Sensitivity: Amazing Ways to Embrace It

Vulnerability and sensitivity – are two character traits that are often misunderstood and considered obstacles, but did you know they can be blessings in disguise?

Our early childhood and formative years, particularly in early infancy, adolescence, and young adulthood are the main times when we get maximum life-altering experiences. This is the time when we face ups and downs in careers, heartbreak, trauma, depression, struggle, and many more, isn’t it?

We go through various overpowering experiences that permanently affect the subcortical regions of our brains, whether or not we consciously recall them.

This might occasionally make us feel vulnerable and insufficient. We feel that to avoid being branded as weak, stupid, or too sensitive, we have to be powerful, intelligent, and tough. 



Up Next

What Self Love Is Not? Understanding 5 Common Misconceptions About Loving Yourself

What Self Love is Not? Common Myths To Debunk

Self love is not just taking bubble baths and affirmations. It’s definitely not an individualistic ego thing. So what is it truly? This simple-sounding phrase has a broader meaning in our lives and in this article, we’ll discover what it means to love yourself!

The effect of post-modernism has made everyone quite detached from each other and there is an underlying promotion of living and being alone. Elements like self-love support this concept.

However, post-modern self-love has a toxic edge that is camouflaged under the original term. So follow the discussion to check whether you are going in the wrong direction with your self-love.

Read More:



Up Next

Toxic Positivity Vs Genuine Optimism: 3 notable examples 

Toxic Positivity Vs Genuine Optimism: notable examples

To keep your hopes high in this competitive world is not easy. To be hopeful in all situations without dreading “what might come next?” is a rare positive mindset I lack. I started digging deep into the topic of toxic positivity vs genuine optimism through my phase of acceptance and denials.

But I often feel pressurized by narratives like “Be happy no matter what.” There are situations where I cannot apply: ” When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade.” 

Moreover, it is more pressurizing to try and identify positive points in such situations. Failing to do so sometimes results in rumination, which is detrimental to mental health.

While searching for how to approach a situation and wondering why I cannot think positively in a situation, it took me closer to the difference between tox



Up Next

Do you wish to stop Procrastinating? Dopamine detox is your solution!

Dopamine Detox: Step Guide to Remove Distractions and Increase Focus

Often we fall into procrastination and try hard to get out of it. Getting out of the bed or completing a vital task takes forever and we delay each day by saying to ourselves, ” I will definitely do it tomorrow”, but the tomorrow never comes. Is Dopamine detox the solution?

Procrastination creates stress, overthinking and self-loathing that affects and further delays our crucial tasks.

You might wonder about the reason and the possible solution to break through the loop.

The answer is Dopamine



Up Next

Psychological Freedom: Does Freedom To Choose Cause Anxiety?

Psychological Freedom: Does Freedom To Choose Cause Anxiety?

Having psychological freedom is a very very, important aspect of life. But what is psychological freedom and why is it so important? This article is going to talk about what psychological freedom entails.

KEY POINTS

The freedom to choose brings meaning to our lives and boosts well-being, but it can also generate anxiety.

Sometimes people respond in self-sabotaging ways: trying to control others, blindly accepting suffering, or automatically conforming.

True freedom requires great courage, a kind of leap of faith.

Freedom, as described by the German social psychologist



Up Next

4 Ways To Find Greater Fulfillment In Life

Finding Greater Fulfillment In Life: Ways To Achieve That

Living a fulfilling and purposeful life is one of the most underrated mindsets and skills to have. But what are the best ways you can go about finding fulfillment in life? Let’s find out, shall we?

Søren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, theologian, and poet is considered by many to be the father of existentialism.

His work focuses on individual experience and the importance of personal choice and commitment, and his philosophy offers insights into living authentically and finding fulfillment amidst the distractions and pressures of the modern world.

In the course of Kierkegaard’s writings, instructive themes emerge for how to navigate life’s complexities with integrity and purpose. Here are four.



Up Next

Pure Soul Meaning: 12 Signs Of A Pure Soul That You Absolutely Need To Know About

Pure Soul Meaning And Signs Of A Person With Pure Soul

Have you ever met someone who is truly and genuinely a good person? Someone who is kind, compassionate, calm, and loves people unconditionally? Then you’ve just met a “pure soul.” But what is pure soul meaning?

People who have a pure soul often possess a certain quality that sets them apart from the rest, captivating us with their genuine kindness and warmth. Their presence seems to illuminate the room and touch the hearts of those around them. But what does it truly mean to have a pure soul? 

Today, we embark on a captivating journey to unravel the depths of its meaning. Join us as we explore the signs and characteristics that define these remarkable beings.

What is a Pure Soul?