Stages of Grief from a Psychopathic Relationship

Stages of grief from a Psychopathic Relationship

Stages of grief – especially true for victims of psychopathic relationships

Did you break up with a psychopath? Feeling lost and choked up? Grieving badly?

Well, bereavement is inevitable when the relationship with the psychopath has come to an end. However, the stages of grief are different from what you experience after separation from a loving partner or death of your loved ones. Although you are out of hell, getting over that emotional roller-coaster and healing your scars is something hard – but not impossible.

Here are 8 Stages of Grief from a Psychopathic Relationship

1. Total Devastation

After the end of a relationship with the psychopath, you feel numb, worse, inferior, empty and sink into shock that it can really happen to you. It is common to keep thinking about him 24/7 and victimize yourself, which prevents you to participate in activities that excited you earlier. You are unable to deal with the agonizing situation that triggers stress, anxiety, and depression as also mentioned in the Handbook of Trait Narcissism

Watch the video to spot the difference between Narcissist, Psychopath, or Sociopath

You keep contemplating what has happened only to get back to square one. On one hand, you desperately want to reunite with him thinking it’s all your fault. That deteriorates your self-esteem and confidence so much that you no longer want to live. You begin to lose the sense of self, unable to see the brighter side of life. This stage of utter devastation leaves you mentally drained out, which also takes a toll on your health.

2. Denial

You might have suspected their behaviors and sexual infidelity several times. But, you may have lied to yourself until the fake mask of the psychopath fell off. Now to maintain your sanity, you deny anger, feelings of sorrow, and suppress your emotional pain. In an attempt to prove them that you are happy after ending the relationship – you party hard, laugh out loud, make new friends, catch up with old ones, think irrational, have mindless sex, waste money, hurt at the same time and become frustrated and aggressive.

No matter how hard you try to justify your hard mind, you experience isolation. You find no person who can understand your pain because your friends and parents were always against your psychopathic relationship, which adds to your isolation and pain. This bereavement is different from what you experience after losing your near and dear ones. You tend to lock yourself in your room and stay aloof as the sense of trust is totally crushed.

3. Learning & Self-doubt

Although your mind doesn’t feel like a prison anymore, you still have scars to heal. As time passes, you want to learn more about psychopathy, well aware of the fact that nothing can change the past. You study more about narcissism to settle thoughts or to figure out what, how, and why things went wrong. Soon you learn about characteristics and dangerous signs of psychopathic relationships and end up blaming yourself for poor judgment and unwise decisions.

If you want to quickly identify a psychopath or manipulative people, read 15 Red Flags That You Are Dealing With Them

The more you educate yourself, the more you enter into self-doubt. Then keep wondering how can “I love you change” into “I hate you” in the blink of an eye. You find flaws in your behavior that might have changed his obsession with contempt. Self-doubt is self-sabotaging because the victim takes the entire responsibility for ruining the relationship. Because you always perceived the psychopath as “perfectionist”.

4. Understanding the Psychopath

Through self-education, you tend to overcome self-doubt and stop blaming yourself. This is one of the important stages of grief. You begin to understand the psychopath, which is an important step towards healing your broken heart and recovery. You dig deeper into the psychology of the psychopath and comprehend how their mind works. Eventually, everything makes sense to you – intense passion and admiration to sudden hatred, being controlled, criticism, blame game, emotional abuse and finally break up.

18 thoughts on “Stages of Grief from a Psychopathic Relationship”

  1. Avatar of Katie Chicalata

    I agree, nice article. My only suggestion is to define what abbreviations mean when first used in the article so readers as myself know what they mean. I am clueless as to what “D&D” and “NCEA” mean.

  2. Avatar of Brendan Liam

    Good article but why the sexism?

    Enough of this stuff is about psychopathic men only which continues to cater to the psychopathic women who, due to thinking like this can so easily play victim due to culture reinforced by articles catering only to female victims

  3. Avatar of kc

    Need to be careful in which stage I am. I got my post blocked in a post that said “yes, I was in one of these relationships and its scary and I don’t wish it on anyone ”’however — I find it disturbing when we stigmatize a mental illness… which psychopathy is.” Grew up with it, don’t condone it, etc. etc. – have been definitely hurt buy it… but the “understanding” phase in self and others can look a lot like witch hunting. I get that we have to go through it, that it’s necessary etc. But my home town in Oregon just went through an occupation by armed guys and if I can’t separate the evil from their damaged view of the world – I’m a psychopath too! So don’t sit on this one. It can destroy you. It nearly did me.

  4. Avatar of Paula

    Thank you.. yes There is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it seems like a small dot, but you are also right, other days I’m surrounded by it. Those days are happening more often. Reading This has been a wonderful reminder, of where we have all been or are, on our journey out of the dark, to find our new selves. I hope, finding this page, for others…gives them the strength & courage to keep going. <3 Paula

  5. Avatar of sandra

    Molly….mine was also a 3 year nightmare that ended on the spur of the moment…..of course i didnt see it coming since 2 days prior i had just sold my home of 12 years so we could build the cabin “we” wanted. Its been about a year n a half bit i backslid several times and tried to work it out with him at his persistance. Once I’d go back….he hadnt changed, wasn’t going to change nor did he even try to work on anything except maybe to further damage and destroy me. It was all a game for him and people were just his pawns. So as of today i have not had any personal dealings with him in 6 months. I just started therapy which i wish i would have started months ago. But i didn’t realize how many other people have been in a relationship with someone like that. Didn’t think anyone would believe or understand what I had been through or why was feeling so much devastation. Did not understand how I could have been so blind or stooped so low like the article described. This article helped me turn my life around and i pray it will do the same for you. I wish you all the best as you move foreward today finding the stronger, new you. I will never be the same person i was before i met him….but i will be a better person.

  6. Avatar of L

    Understand… want to be okay… struggling to make ends meet, ever, with my son… May we all find our strength and new supportive friends.

  7. Avatar of ιρενε γλοϝερ

    Been 5 months no contact and i’m struggling again. This describes everything i’m going through right now. I know i’ll be ok because i was with an overt narcissist before and it took me well over a year to cope with that, i just want to be ok now. For the first time ever in my life, after 42 years, i finally understand a lot. How i was trained/groomed to become a people pleaser, to ignore my own feelings, fuck it’s really hard having feelings right now. Idk why i’m even typing really, got to get this out there somehow, validate what i’ve been through and going through right now. I don’t even hate anyone who did this to me, just want to be ok.

    Thanks for this blog. Gonna do more thinking and less talking now.

  8. Avatar of Molly

    Did you really write this today? this is my first visit to this site, saw a link on FB…I have never responded openly as a message for any article ever on the internet, I am just a very private person & not interested in sharing any personal information or opinions with the world. I hope it does not end up on FB or in the awareness of anyone I know, YET…My psychopath/narcissist true Love of the last 3 years discarded me as if we had never met last Saturday. I am in the physical/emotional total devastation part where I am unable to function. I had NO idea how far gone I was, in denial, protecting him until my life/sanity was thrown out the window. I feel like a tree when you cut it down with an Ax, you have to hit it many, many times before it falls. I feel like I just walked out of a War & I lost. He called me last night to tell me how happy he was without me & could not believe I was not over it by now, made fun of me like I was a 3 year joke to him. I had never been in this kind of a relationship before. I knew him 20 years ago, when I was a teenager & he was married then. Did not see him for 20 years & then ran into him on the other side of the country right after his really terrible divorce. I thought it was cosmic & romantic & perfect. Little by little, I became isolated, powerless & destroyed. I built my world around him & I believed in it. I knew he was cheating on me & I allowed it. He constantly compared me to all of his other women yet told me I was the best. He spoiled me with presents & dinners & paid my bills etc…My high tolerance for inappropriate behavior was unbelievable, I realize now. My codependency was/is a disease. Slowly my friends started to pull away, they all could see something I either couldn’t or I chose to be absolutely blind too. None of them will support me now, they are all tired of hearing about it. Beyond my anger because of him, the anger I feel towards myself is the worst part. I held on with hope & love. I did suspect he was just waiting to ruin my life, in the largest & most terrible way he could & blame it all on me, which is what he did, no surprise at all. The FACT that I was setting myself up for this willingly is the VERY scary part. I am a six foot tall Amazon, I am smart, beautiful, kind, graceful, funny & creative. He had me so under his control, I no longer knew who I was. I guess I write this for anyone else out there who reads this article & can relate. You are not alone. The story is too long & the details too painful at the moment but Thank You! for shedding some much needed light on the worst nightmare I have ever experienced. Please tell me this will not take years to recover from, I need to heal & rise sooner than that!

    1. Avatar of rainey

      Oh Molly, my heart is breaking for you! Im 3mos out & still have a ways to go, but am much better than the beginning of learning what I was dealing with. Please get in support groups online. Thats gonna be your best outlet to talk about it, as your friends & family will not support you through this, as you know. NC is for you. The longer you are away from his lies & gaslighting, the clearer your mind becomes, & the more you will see what was really going on.Just love yourself & know that you’re not alone. Now is you time, noone else. Its like a rebirth. I believe my story happened for a reason, and it will have a happy ending. God bless you!

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