7. You aren’t taking any steps toward repairing your marriage
One way to distinguish between a marital rut and a deeper issue are the answers to the questions, “How long has my marriage been this way? And is the situation progressively worsening over time?”
All couples experience periods of rough patches in their marriage, which can be predictable at times. However, if your marital dis-ease has lasted longer than two years with no signs of improvement, it may be time to seek marital counseling.
Unfortunately, the average couple waits six years from the time they begin recognizing relationship problems when they try therapy.
Six years is a long time to be asking, “Are you in an unhappy marriage?” And in six years, lots of damage can be done. What could have begun as minor missteps in the marriage can erode into significant transgressions difficult to overcome.
8. You fantasize about a life without your spouse
Or about making decisions like a single person again.
Imagining a life without your spouse is a sign that your marriage is headed in the wrong direction. Regularly fantasizing about the single life emotionally detaches you from your relationship.
You’re working on distancing yourself for an eventual separation, hoping to save yourself some pain. And you’re setting your marriage up for failure.
According to Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., author of Kiss Your Fights Goodbye, “…Detaching psychologically by fantasizing about having an affair or making plans for the future that don’t include your partner can all be signs that you’ve fallen out of love. It’s as if the mind has pulled its own plug so our hearts won’t suffer as much when the relationship ends.”
The same thing occurs if you routinely begin to make decisions that exclude your partner. Are you making financial decisions like you are single? Do you consider your mutual goals, or only your needs and wants?
Acting as if you are solo sends the message to your partner that they don’t count. You don’t need to take their opinion or dreams into consideration. Whether you have decided to stay in the relationship or not you send the signal you don’t care.
Finding yourself in an unhappy marriage did not happen overnight. Many couples rest on their laurels and just forget to focus on their relationship. However, losing sight of your relationship doesn’t have to be the end – but continuing with the status quo may be.
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