How Do I Know If a Therapist is Right For Me? 10 Signs

therapist is right for me

Almost half of all Americans will suffer from mental illness at some point in their life. Finding a good therapist can be a lifeline in times of need and it could be one of the most important, personal decisions you will ever make.

Mental health services, especially psychotherapy is not a “one-size-fits-all” service. So how can you be sure you found a good therapist?

Well, there are a few signs that can tell you whether the therapist you are seeing, is right for you. Read on to see if you have got the right professional in your corner.

Here Are 10 Signs To Determine If A Therapist Is Right For You Or Not

1. Do You Feel Listened To?

Do you feel like the therapist focuses intently and listens to what you are saying? Do they consider what you are saying and process it in a way that makes you feel understood?

This is perhaps the most important element in finding a therapist that truly listens to you and your needs. If you do not feel heard and seen, you will be less likely to open up and process difficult emotions.

Related: 10 Reasons Why People Refuse to Talk to Therapists

2. Do You Feel Safe?

During your first three sessions, have you noticed your body reacting in any way? Have you felt uneasy at any time? Do you feel anxious about meeting with them again after three sessions?

In all fairness, some patients do have post-traumatic stress disorder which can make you feel unsafe around your therapist and other people in general. Do not use this as a barometer for whether you should move forward. Instead, look towards any signs that you do feel safe, before deciding.

3. Do You Feel Like They Really Care About You?

This is more fundamentally important than you can imagine. A good therapist really connects with their client. Therapy is a relationship and a good therapist will make you feel like you matter, and you are important. If you have a therapist that cannot do that, I am suggesting they may not be the right person to work with.

4. Do They Answer Your Questions?

It is not reasonable to assume a therapist can answer every single question you may have, but they should be able to answer most of them. If you feel like for the most part your questions are answered to a satisfactory level, even if you disagree with their answers, then it is a safe bet you can continue working with them.

5. Do They Become Unnecessarily Defensive?

This is a huge red flag. Defensiveness in a therapist could indicate covert narcissism. However, it could also mean they are new, inexperienced, dealing with insecurities, or have other problems. Keep in mind, not everything is pathological.

If a therapist gets unnecessarily defensive or seems angry, it might be a good indication you should continue your search.

Related: The 4 Most Valuable Things I Learned From My Therapists

6. Ask Them To Do Something For You And See How They Respond.

If you say to your therapist, “I really want you to listen to what I have to say and help me understand why so many people seem to treat me like I am invisible,” they should answer with compassion, but pay attention to their response. You should also feel confident and unafraid when asking them a question.

If they pull the, what we would call the Carl Rogers response (the father of client-centered psychotherapy), and say “Well, how do you feel about it, what do you think?” that is the standard response. However, it could make you feel even worse. So, be sure to ask plenty of questions and listen up to how they respond, and feel your reaction to it.

7. Ask Them To Consider Reading A Book And See How They Respond.

I think it is completely reasonable to ask your therapist to consider reading a book. I also think it is legitimate for a therapist to say, “Well, I do not have time to read another book, but thank you for the suggestion anyway!” What is more important is how they react to the question.

The reason for this is if you subscribe to a person’s work and it is core to your understanding of yourself, then your therapist should show genuine interest in learning more. A better answer might be, “Well, that sounds interesting, while I might not be able to read the book, I would love to find out more about the book through your point of view.”

8. Flexibility And Availability With Their Schedule.

Schedule flexibility is important in any therapist-client relationship. Sometimes timing is not the fault of the therapist but simply is an inability to meet your needs. If your therapist cannot give you any scheduled meetings that work with your schedule, it might be a good idea to move forward.

While off times are important for any professional, if they consistently take time off for holidays or vacations, it might not be the right fit for you. The more acute your situation is, the more time you will need to work with your therapist.

9. Over-Charging Or Too High Of Fees.

This one is tough money and costs are a sticking point.

Good therapists are worth their weight in gold, and there are reasonable ranges of costs for good therapists. Some therapists who do not accept insurance will range from $100 to $200, at least in Illinois. And the cost goes lower in some parts of the United States and higher in others.

But sometimes people get ahead of themselves and they charge more than they should be charging. And if they charge too much and do not deliver the quality of therapy they profess to offer, their business is likely to go nowhere.

Related: 10 Common Myths About Therapy

10. When The Therapist Discloses Too Much Personal Information.

Do they talk too much? Or, do they disclose too much personal information? Do they relate to what you are saying by including their own stories, with statements like “oh yeah, the same thing happened to me”?

Self-disclosure is often used as a strong therapy technique because it can make the client feel understood and connected too. However, when it is overused, it is a boundary violation. It is very important that therapists have appropriate boundaries. Therapy is a relationship, but not a friendship.

Use these signs to figure out whether a therapist is a right fit for you. Your healing could depend on the choice you make.

Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is the owner of Self-Love Recovery Institute. He is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author. Ross is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, and Trauma Treatment. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio. His “The Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 120K copies and are translated into 10 languages. His YouTube Channel has amassed 19 million video views and over 200K subscribers.  


Written By Ross Rosenberg 
Originally Appeared In Human Magnet Syndrome
therapist is right for me pin
Ads

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

Can Gods Go Mad? The Startling Reality Of Mental Disorders In Mythology

Startling Discoveries of Mental Disorders in Mythology

Ever wondered about how mental illness was perceived in ancient times? With mental health awareness becoming an increasingly important topic these days, it is about time we took a closer look at mental disorders in mythology.

Ancient times have witnessed a profound fascination with and exploration of mental illness. Mythology has served as the lens through which mental disorders have been portrayed, analyzed, understood and even revered across cultures. 

So let us dive into the world of mental disorders in mythology, analyzing how different cultures and ancient societies interpreted and portrayed it. From mental illness in ancient Greece to Vedic literature, understanding the past can help us better understand how to deal with mental health issues in future.



Up Next

Shame Exposed: The Psychology Of Shame And How To Break Free

The Psychology of Shame: Tips for Overcoming Shame

Ever felt utterly humiliated? Vulnerable? Exposed? Ever felt so ashamed that you wanted to just run away and hide in a cave where no one would ever find you? We’ve all been there thanks to this intense emotion called shame. Let’s explore the psychology of shame and understand this often-hidden emotion.

Psychology of Shame: Unmasking The Silent Whisper of Self-Criticism

Shame is a universal yet complex human emotion that arises from a deep sense of inadequacy or unworthiness. Unlike guilt, which focuses on specific actions, shame targets our very essence and can permeate every aspect of our lives. 



Up Next

BPD Love Bombing: 8 Warning Signs Of Overwhelming Affection

BPD Love Bombing: Unmistakable Signs You Are A Victim

Dealing with the ups and downs of any relationship can be like a rollercoaster ride, but when it comes to BPD love bombing, you might feel like you’re buckled in for the most intense ride without knowing when it’ll stop.

This behavior is known for its strong wave of love and attention—it can knock you off your feet in a confusing way. If you find yourself suddenly the star of someone’s world out of nowhere, chances are you’re experiencing this intense strategy.

Let’s look at the 8 signs that might mean you’ve been caught up in borderline love bombing, all while keeping things light-hearted and insightf



Up Next

7 Signs Of Endogenous Depression And How To Treat It

Signs Of Endogenous Depression And How To Treat It

Endogenous depression is classified as a major depressive disorder, a mood disorder characterised by persistent and intense feelings of sadness that can last for extended periods of time.

Psychology differentiates two types of depression: endogenous (causes from within the person) and exogenous (causes relate to external events in a person’s life).

Understanding Endogenous Depression

It is thought of as a type of depression in which there are no external changes that



Up Next

3 Reasons Why Alcohol Affects Your Relationship And What To Do About It

Alcohol Affects Your Relationship? Critical Reasons Why

Is alcohol impacting your relationship? If your answer is yes, then you’ve come to the right place. This article is going to explore how alcohol affects your relationship, the reasons behind it, and how to cut back on alcohol.

During an interview on the popular podcast The Tim Ferriss Show, famous entrepreneur and businessman Sir Richard Branson once suggested a simple yet important thought experiment to listeners.

We’ll paraphrase that thought experiment here:

Think back to the few biggest mistakes or arguments of your marriage. Now think how many of them occurred when one or both of you were und



Up Next

4 Signs Of Relationship OCD And How To Make Sense Of It

Signs Of Relationship OCD And How To Make Sense Of It

What is relationship OCD and what are the best ways of dealing with relationship OCD? This article is going to talk about all that and more.

Relationship OCD refers to someone who has become consumed with obsessive doubts about their partner and their past.

Experiencing changes in the emotions we feel towards a romantic partner is a natural part of developing an intimate relationship. At the same time, we all might pay more attention to our partner’s flaws as the relationship progresses.

But for people in the grip of relationship OCD,



Up Next

How To Help A Grieving Loved One: Embracing Empathy

How To Help A Grieving Loved One: Embracing Empathy

When you see someone you love grieving, it can hit hard, and might even make you feel helpless. If your intention is to support a grieving loved one, then you have come to the right place. This article is going to talk about how to help a grieving loved one, and helping someone who is grieving.

KEY POINTS

It’s natural to want to make a grieving loved one “feel better,” but the task should be to help them feel less isolated.

Some well-meaning statements can cause feelings of isolation for those experiencing grief.

It’s important to show grieving loved ones caring, presen