Suppressing disagreement also leads to resentment. The places you need to be compatible are your values, your goals, and your parenting philosophy if you’re planning to have kids. Other than that, vive la différence!
5. Too tight.
I’m not talking about something not fitting properly here. I’m talking about a partner being so consumed with the idea of an “us” that he or she forgets there is a you.
If you find your partner frequently singing your virtues as a couple or always talking about how great you are together, he or she may be indulging the fantasy of being in a relationship without experiencing either the actual relationship or you as a person.
An us comprises two independent people who choose to be together, to bring their individual selves into concert with one another.
If your partner surrenders his or her individuality without a fight or even a whimper, you may be with someone whose psychological integrity is compromised and who will ultimately define his or her identity around the relationship.
This makes it harder for you to leave if you choose to, because severing the bond destroys the identity your partner has built around it.
The “us” that you become with a partner develops out of the ways the two of you connect and find common ground. Celebrating the “us” before you’re really a couple is a sign of insecurity and desperation.
Now that you know what to look for, you can enjoy a sincerely spoken “I love you,” or the words lit on fire by the side of the road, even more.