A Secret Code Word for Couples During Conflict

Secret Code Word for Warring Couples 2

One of the most underrated and best-kept secrets for resolving conflicts with your partner or spouse is using code word for couples when things get too heated. An inherent power struggle between couples can lead to frequent arguments, but using a secret code word might help you diffuse a lot of the tension. Letโ€™s find out what it means to have a code word for couples.

If youโ€™ve been married more than a few years, you will recognize yourselves in the following scenario: Something minor gets said that triggers Partner A, who reacts with a sharp tone. Partner B reacts to Partner Aโ€™s tone with an escalation of tone, and pretty soon a marital arms race has begun over something as benign as who unloads the dishwasher more often.

The most ridiculous example from my own 39-year marriage was โ€” and this is the shameful truth โ€” who had to turn their head more to see the clock when one of us asked what time it was. (โ€œWhy donโ€™t you look?โ€ โ€œWhy donโ€™t you look?โ€ โ€œBecause youโ€™re closer.โ€ โ€œNo, you are!โ€)

Left unchecked, these power struggles over the trivial take on a life of their own, and every minor detail of life becomes a potential relationship land mine. When I see couples in my office that are stuck in these repeated cycles, I recommend they come up with a code word they can use when the tensions start to rise.

Related: 3 Questions To Ask Yourself If You and Your Partner Fight Constantly

There Are Only A Few Rules Necessary

1) It should be a code word that both find funny

2) Whoever takes the initiative to employ the code word, the other partner agrees ahead of time to an automatic cease-fire. That is, no more talking about the topic for x amount of time, and that x should be at least 20 minutes. (Brain research shows that when we flip our lid it takes us at least 20 minutes to calm down again.) It can be longer than 20 minutes, but no less.

Finding the funny code word can be a fun process. Think of a movie character who cracks both of you up, or someone from real life, or an experience from the past that every time you mention it, it brings a smile to both of your faces.

Code word for couples

The Funny Element Is Important For A Few Reasons

a) It keeps you both from taking yourselves and your power struggle too seriously.

b) It introduces an element of humor into a tense situation.

c) It immediately bonds you over something positive you share when youโ€™re not squabbling.

Related: 5 Ways To Stay Calm During An Argument With Your Spouse

So if you recognize these patterns in your relationship, be proactive and take a few moments with your partner to come up with a humorous code word to use the next time one of you triggers a squabble over something silly.

Want to know more about how you can deal with the power struggle in relationship? Check this video out below!

Check out Josh Gresselโ€™s Psychology Today blog for more informative articles.


Written By Josh Gressel Ph.D.
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Secret Code Word for Warring Couples pin

— Share —

,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Does He Still Think About Her? 8 Signs Your Husband Misses His Affair Partner

Painfully Clear Signs Your Husband Misses His Affair Partner

Letโ€™s be realโ€”finding out that your husband has been having an affair is earth-shattering, to say the least. But you know what’s even worse than that? Seeing some heartbreaking signs your husband misses his affair partner.

If youโ€™ve noticed some changes in his behavior that leave you second-guessing where his heart really is, youโ€™re not alone.

When you start to spot some red flags that prove your husband hasn’t moved on from this extra marital dating, it can feel like twisting the knife, but being aware of these signs is the first step towards figuring out what to do next.

Let’s see which signs you need to watch out for.

Related:

Up Next

8 Essential Ingredients for a Thriving Relationship

Thriving Relationship: Essential Ingredients Building One

A thriving relationship doesn’t just happenโ€”itโ€™s built on key ingredients that make it strong and lasting.

Whether you’re looking for the ingredients of a healthy relationship or just some good relationship advice, understanding what truly makes a bond work is essential for creating a happy, healthy connection with your partner.

KEY POINTS

Evidence points to the correlation between an enduring, happy relationship and a periodic chuckle.

Neuroscience affirms that attention to gut instinct matters by enabling you to quickly assess a situation.

Relationships can be deep or wide, and each offers

Up Next

How to Regain Trust: 6 Steps to Heal After Betrayal

Happy Memories: Benefits Of Nostalgia

If you are wondering how to restore trust after betrayal, then you should know that it isnโ€™t easy, but itโ€™s totally possible if you’re ready to put in the work. It might take time, but with the right moves, you can rebuild what was broken and come out stronger. This article is going to explore six best ways to regain trust, and turn things around.

KEY POINTS

Those who trust others experience more meaningful relationships, greater self-esteem, and better work performance.

Those who lack trust tend to see others as a threat and the world as hostile.

The path to healing begins with compassion, self-care, journaling, motivational r

Up Next

Contempt in a Relationship: 10 Subtle Signs You Shouldnโ€™t Ignore

Contempt in a Relationship Subtle Signs You Mustn't Ignore

Letโ€™s be realโ€”if thereโ€™s one thing that can totally destroy a relationship, itโ€™s contempt in a relationship. And whatโ€™s contempt? Itโ€™s when you start looking down on your partner, feeling like youโ€™re better than them, and that sense of respect and love is justโ€ฆ gone.

Feeling contempt in a relationship can be super toxic, and once it creeps in, it becomes tough to have healthy communication. Itโ€™s one of those things that, if left unchecked, can drive couples apart faster than you think.

But donโ€™t worry, the first step is recognizing it, and thatโ€™s what weโ€™ll dive into here. First, letโ€™s try to understand what is contempt in a relationship.

Related:

Up Next

Do You Have A Toxic Sister In Law? 6 Signs and How to Manage the Situation

Toxic Sister In Law? Signs and How to Manage the Situation

Dealing with a toxic sister in law can feel like walking on eggshells, leaving you drained and frustrated. Whether it’s constant criticism, subtle manipulation, or creating drama, the signs of a toxic sister in law aren’t always obvious at first but can wreak havoc on family dynamics over time.

If you’re feeling stuck in an exhausting relationship and wondering if it’s more than just personality clashes, youโ€™re not alone.

In this article, weโ€™ll explore what is a toxic sister in law, some common red flags and behaviors that may help you recognize if she is being problematic, and what you can do to protect your peace.

Related:

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS Helpful Tips 1

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The Difference Between Codependence And Interdependence 2

The question โ€˜What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?โ€™ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in todayโ€™s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

(adsby