3. They Are Self-Centered.
We have all been in relationships with people who are self-centered. We have all been in relationships with people who care so much about themselves but, in the beginning, it appears that they are all about you.
People who are self-centered believe that the world revolves around them and, while they seem to do things for your pleasure, they are really doing it for their own.
At first, a self-centered person will look at you with big love and make love to you passionately. You will feel like the center of the universe until you aren’t. Until you realize that your person is doing what they are doing for you for their own self-satisfaction, to meet their own selfish needs to feel good about themselves.
A self-centered person will fight you tooth and nail if you try to point this out to them because they know that if they lose you they will feel pain and they don’t want that. When you do fight after they will make passionate love to you, to make themselves feel better.
So, stay away from people who believe that the world revolves around them. It might seem wonderful at first but, before long, you will see that it’s all about them and nothing about you.
4. They Run Hot And Cold.
I have a client who is in love with a man who does, from what I can tell, love her back. More often and not, however, you wouldn’t know it.
Some days he calls her over and over, asking how she is and telling her he misses her. And then he disappears for weeks only to reappear and pay attention to her. He tells her how excited he is to see her and then yells at her for being so demanding. He tells her that she is hot but then tells her another girl is hotter.
When my client and her guy are ‘on,’ it’s amazing. She is so in love and their sex is amazing and she feels sure that she will live happily ever after. And then, as if a switch was flipped, her guy is unkind and disrespectful and gone.
If your person is like this, if your person is always changing to the point that sometimes you don’t recognize them, consider walking away. A person who runs hot and cold will always be this way and, if they don’t make you happy as they are, they will never make you happy.
5. They Can’t Sit Still.
I have always been a restless person. I have lived in 5 countries, 7 cities, and 9 states over the course of my lifetime. For the past 15 years, I have moved every 2.5 years. For the past 10 years, I have had quite a few boyfriends. I am the definition of restless.
And what does this mean in a relationship? It means that I swoop in, ready for something new, willing to dig deep quickly and get someone to fall madly in love with me. And I fall in love with them too, until, about 8-12 weeks in, I get the itch to move on. So, I do, leaving my person dazed and heartbroken.
I would imagine that many of those men would say that they were very happy that they had me in their life for that short time but I am guessing that some of them would have preferred if I had stayed.
If your person is like me, present with you now but always looking towards the next horizon, pause and think carefully before you get in too deep. You could find yourself heartbroken.
Related: 3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal
Recognizing the red flags that are there if your relationship feels too good to be true is a very smart thing to do!
An intense, passionate relationship is all well and good but what we really need for long-lasting love is a person who doesn’t dive in too deep too quickly, who has a healthy sexual appetite, who isn’t all about themselves, whose moods are constant and who is willing to sit still.
If you recognize any of the things I have mentioned in your partner, be aware that they are huge red flags and that they are worth looking at before you crash!