Do you have a secure attachment style? Having a secure attachment style ensures that your relationship is based on trust, warmth, and mutual respect. This form of attachment is a result of a positive outlook of self, your partner, and your relationship.
People with a secure attachment style have certain personality traits that allow them to approach their relationships differently from those who typically form problematic relationships.
Secure people are confident, emotionally open, and loving. In turn, the fortunate person they love will feel secure, treasured, emotionally safe, and highly valued by their secure partner.
In a study by Cindy Hazan Ph.D. and Phillip Shaver Ph.D., only 56 percent of people reported enjoying secure relationship attachments.
But in order to attract someone with this list of personality traits, you need to first learn and cultivate these qualities in yourself. Emotionally healthy people tend to attract a partner and friends with the same degree of self-esteem and level of emotional health that they have themselves.
You can learn and cultivate these personality traits by observing healthy people, practicing the skills over time, and especially connecting with a therapist or relationship coach who can teach you the skills of having a secure attachment.
Some of these traits are not immediately obvious but will be revealed as you develop a healthy relationship over time.
Here are the 14 personality traits that identify potential candidates for your secure relationship attachment.
1. They Desire Emotional Intimacy.
They want to feel close and connected to their partner. When they feel happy or sad, they will reach out to their partner and want to spend time with them in meaningful activities.
2. They Are Emotionally Responsive.
A partner with a secure attachment style will be open and responsive to their partner, both physically and emotionally. They feel present to their partner and will be aware of their partner’s presence.
3. They Are Emotionally Secure.
According to Wikipedia, “a person whose general happiness is not very shaken even by major disturbances in the pattern or fabric of their life” would be seen as emotionally secure.
4. They Show Empathy.
A person with a secure attachment will demonstrate compassion and understanding with their mate and with others.
“To feel attached is to feel safe and secure. By contrast, an insecurely attached person may have a mixture of feelings towards their attachment figure: intense love and dependency, fear of rejection, irritability and vigilance.” – Jeremy Holmes
5. They Correctly Read Other People’s Emotions.
They are able to correctly identify the cues of how other people may be feeling. This helps them to know how to respond to their partners more easily. They are also able to pick up on their mate’s feelings and will be more adept in understanding their partner.
6. They Have A Healthy Self-Esteem.
Secure people feel good about themselves. They are confident in their abilities to succeed and are secure about their worth to others.
Being secure in themselves makes them more likely to attract a partner who is also emotionally healthy. They are more likely to feel secure in the love of their partner and to trust that love is genuine.
7. They Understand Their Own Emotions.
People with this personality trait are aware of and understand their emotions. For instance, they don’t confuse frustration with anger or lust with love.
8. They Tolerate And Regulate Negative Emotions.
This recognition allows them to make decisions about what action to take (if any). The process of how they feel before taking action.
“People with a secure attachment style are more likely than others to forgive their partner for wrongdoing. …secure people just naturally dwell less on the negative and can turn off upsetting emotions without becoming defensively distant.” – Amir Levine