Why It’s So Difficult to Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

self loathing partner

There are some who tend to be too hard on themselves and loving someone who doesn’t love themselves can be quite challenging. Are you in a relationship with a self loathing partner?
If yes then, below are some signs of self loathing in a relationship.

One thing that people fail to acknowledge is that dating a self hating partner can be extremely tough as one is already going through their own set of challenges.

Why Is It So Difficult When Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love Themselves?

Having written a couple of posts on the difficulty of loving others when you don’t love yourself, I want to turn my attention, below, to the struggles faced by the other person in such rwhat is self loathingelationships. (If you consider yourself self-loathing, try to imagine that your partner is going through some of what I describe below.)

Naturally, some are mirror images of the self loathing person’s issues, though developed further or in different ways:

Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love Themselves
Signs of Self Loathing In A Relationship

Challenges faced by a person who has a self loathing partner

1. Your partner will rely on you

If your self loathing partner finds something missing in himself or herself, he or she may rely on you to fill that gap.

This may feel good at first—most people like to feel needed, after all—but if taken too far, it can turn into excessive neediness or dependency, leaving you feeling less appreciated for who you are, not just for what you can do for your self-loathing partner.

2. Difficult to communicate

It can be difficult to communicate with your self loathing partner if he or she insists on reading the worst into things you say because of projecting his or her own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

You may find yourself closely monitoring what you say to your partner, possibly even letting communication decline altogether as it grows more frustrating and seemingly pointless.

For example, your self loathing partner may not handle praise well, either rejecting it (“No, I’m not that smart”), minimizing it (“I had a good day, it won’t happen again soon”), or diverting it elsewhere (“Sure, but look how much better you did”).

You want to encourage this person, especially if it may help lessen his or her self-loathing, but it is hard to maintain it for long if your partner continues to reject your support.

Read: Self Esteem: The Difference Between Healthy And Impaired Self Esteem

3. Rejecting Help

Similarly, your self loathing partner may reject help when he or she clearly needs it. He or she may not feel worthy of your care and not want to impose on you.

(Oddly, this can coincide with neediness—the self-loathing person may strongly desire some things from you while rejecting others.) It is extremely difficult to see the person you care about suffering. It is even worse when you try to help but are rejected, especially when you strongly believe that you can help if he or she would only let you.

4.  Disheartening

It can be very disheartening to care for someone who does not care for himself or herself. After a while, you can start to feel that your efforts are wasted; you spend time and energy trying to boost your partner up, and he or she tries just as hard to tear himself or herself down again.

(An aside to the self loathing person: This last point may be a core issue with loving others—or, more precisely, being loved—when you don’t love yourself. It may be very difficult for someone else to love you if that person can see that you don’t love yourself, in which case he or she may pour their heart into the relationship for naught.)

So what is self loathing person in a relationship like?

Relationship With A Self Loathing Person: Loving A Self Loathing Partner

If you have been with the person for a while, you are probably a very caring and patient person—which is wonderful—but you have to look out for your own well-being as well.

You may derive immense satisfaction and fulfillment from helping your partner, in addition to the love and joy that he or she gives back to you. 

Read: How To Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds

If you can honestly regard a partner’s self-loathing as just a quirk you can deal with at little cost to yourself, that’s fantastic. But if you find you are sacrificing too much of your own well-being in service to a partner’s needs; if you’re frustrated from feeling that your caring efforts are wasted; or if you feel that your own needs are being neglected or suppressed, something needs to change.

Things To Tell A Self Hating Partner

This may involve starting a dialogue about your concerns, or it could mean you need to leave the relationship. Whatever you do, you cannot let your partner’s needs eclipse your own. However much you care for the person, you aren’t responsible for him or her. Other people’s failure to love themselves should never make you forget to love yourself.

Self hatred is a sad reality for a lot of people, and sometimes also for their partners. But, does that mean that you will give up on love and relationships altogether? NO. As long as you and your partner work together, and are in sync mentally and emotionally, self hatred will always be dormant.

If you have a self hating partner and want to learn more about what causes self-loathing in them, take a look at this video:

Written By Mark D. White
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today

4 Challenges Of Being The Partner Of A Self-Loathing Person
Loving A Self Loathing partner
4 Challenges Of Being The Partner Of A Self-Loathing Person
Relationship with A Self Loathing Partner
self loathing partner pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him

Up Next

This Viral ‘Bird Test’ Can Predict If Your Relationship Will Last

Unique Bird Test: Can Your Romantic Relationship Pass It?

The “bird test” is a viral TikTok trend and it is a unique way of assessing reciprocation in relationships. So, are you ready to validate (or expose) your relationship? Let’s go!

As users evaluate their significant others with the “orange peel theory” — which measures how willing they are to do small favors for you — another concept has taken hold of the platform recently: the bird test relationship.

So, What Is The Bird Test For Relationships?

Up Next

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? 10 Psychological Signs

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? Psychic Signs

Have you ever had that weird feeling that someone is thinking about you, even when they’re not with you? It feels like a whisper in the back of your mind, a subtle but undeniable connection that transcends the physical distance between you two. So then how to know if someone is thinking of you, for sure?

The interesting thing is that, in this curious world of human psychology, there can be many fascinating and psychological signs someone is thinking of you; all you have to do is know what they are.

So, are you ready to do a deep dive into the world of mind-reading (well, sort of). Let’s explore 10 psychological signs someone is thinking of you.


Up Next

6 Minutes To Improve Your Relationship: How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

Minutes To Improve Your Relationship?

If you are thinking about how to improve your relationship, then you have come to the right place. How to better communicate with your partner? Communication is crucial to building a healthy relationship, and this article is going to talk about that. Let’s explore how to have better communication with your partner.


The three keys to communication are speaking openly, listening empathically, and reflecting back.

We usually skip reflection, so the speaker does not know if they have been heard.

A simple practice of reflection can build this skill.

Does your par

Up Next

6 Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Online dating, dating apps, dating sites – all of these things have taken the world by storm and has made dating easier than before. Or has it? This article is going to delve deep into not just the world of online dating and dating sites, but will also talk about the psychological truths about dating apps.

As recently as 15 years ago, internet dating was popularly seen as — to put it delicately — something for losers. Sites like Match, JDate, and eHarmony were in their infancy; the whole idea of finding a partner on the Internet hadn’t really transcended its origins in the personals section of the newspaper.

But with the rise of the smartphone and GPS technology, online dating has lost this stigma and ballooned into a multi-billion-dollar industry. Nowadays, you can treat your cell phone like an all-day singles bar, swiping on Tinder

Up Next

6 Unconventional Relationship Choices That May Seem Weird, But They Do Work

Unconventional Relationship Choices That Actually Work

Unconventional relationship choices, huh? They’re like the hidden gems of the dating world, the rebels of romance, the quirks that keep love alive. Even though traditional relationships have their own appeal and charm, sometimes it’s the unconventional that brings some excitement into our lives.

From open relationships to living apart together, these relationship choices may be frowned upon, but for many people, these are the relationship choices that work the best for them. To each his own, you know.

Such non traditional relationships go against what most people think is normal, however, they show us that l

Up Next

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

Research Backed Relationship Remedies

When it comes to dealing with relationship problems, science can prove to be really helpful and can provide you with some substantial research-backed relationship remedies. This article is going to talk about some of the most effective and useful relationship remedies that can make a huge difference to your relationship.

You may think these should go without saying, but in my personal and professional experience, they have not.

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

1. Be Quick to Repair Injury

One day, my wife sensed my odd vibe, I didn’t like her asking, and it gr