It’s pretty common to feel insecure and jealous in your relationship, but sometimes this insecurity is about who was in your partner’s life and whom he/she was attracted to. What if your partner is more concerned about your past rather than your future?
So, here you are, in a new relationship, happy as can be but there is an issue. A big issue. Your partner is jealous of your ex (or exes). Ugh.
Instead of appreciating that you love them completely, they think constantly about your ex. They compare themselves to them, they question you endlessly about your relationship, they live in constant fear that you are going to leave them.
Is this jealousy destroying your relationship? I bet it is.
There are a number of reasons why, in spite of being in a happy relationship, your partner might be jealous of your ex. Here are some of them.
Why Your Partner Is Jealous Of Your Ex
1. You still bring them up.
Be honest. How much time do you spend talking about your ex?
Do you find yourself telling the story of when you went camping? Do you pick up something in the grocery store and remark about how it was their favorite? When a song comes up on Spotify and it reminds you of them, do you mention it? Do you ever suggest that your new person do something that might make them more like your old person, not even knowing that you are doing so?
I know you feel like these little mentions are innocent but they aren’t. No one wants to hear about their person’s ex and even little asides like these can be painful. If you do them frequently, the pain you are causing will only grow and jealousy will rear its ugly head.
So, take a good honest look at how much you talk about your ex. Might it be the reason why your partner is jealous of them?
Want to know more about the signs that someone might be jealous? Then check out this article here 12 signs someone is extremely jealous of you
2. Past hurts.
I am a 56-year-old divorced woman. I date other 50ish divorced men. We are no longer 22 and starting out on the journey to find love. We are people whose hearts have been through the wringer and we are very lucky to have come out the other side. We have lots of baggage. Heavy baggage.
For many of us, our exes have cheated on us, emotionally or physically, or both. As a result, we find it very hard to trust people of the opposite sex. We look for signs that our people are cheating and we think who could be easier to cheat with than their ex.
It’s not just the old folks who have baggage – plenty of 20 somethings do too. Whether your ex cheated on you or left you after promising to love you forever or lied to you about anything, you are going to have baggage that you might bring into the next relationship.
And, unless you are aware of it, that baggage could destroy your new relationship and maybe other relationships after that.
So, if your partner is jealous of your ex, it could be because they have been hurt in the past. If this is the case, I would encourage you to discuss what happened and work together to make sure they know that you are not that person, that you will do things differently.
And if you know what kind of baggage your person has, you are more likely to be able to help them carry it and lighten their load.
I have a client who has real body issues. She also isn’t really wild about the color of her hair. She has always been this way and she has made peace with it. Or so she thought.
She met a guy a few months back and he had just gotten out of a long relationship. As a result, pictures of his ex were still on his social media and she had the chance one day to look at her. And she looked EXACTLY like my client had always wanted to look. Skinny, tiny with blond hair.