How to Deal with Regrets at Tough Crossroads of Life: Advice from a Reddit User

How to Deal with Regrets

Everyone has regrets, and they can be detrimental at times. Regrets fade with time, but they lurk and grow over time as we get older and reflect on things we wanted to do but never did.

The worst part of regret is when we dwell on thoughts and knock ourselves up, replaying a devastating event in our heads over and over. It is self-defeating and may increase feelings of stress while also obscuring judgement in other aspects of life.

While we talk about regrets and making the right decisions, we came across John’s reflection on his life in a subReddit called TIFU My whole life. “My regrets as a 46-year-old, and advice to others at a crossroad.”

We hope you can draw inspiration from this story and make the most of it!

TIFU. More like my whole life really.

Hi, my name’s John. I’ve been lurking for a while, but I’ve finally made an account to post this. I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I’m a 46-year-old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted.
All my dreams, my passion, are gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was.

Read 5 Ways You Can Let Go Of Regrets In The New Year To Be Happy

Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years.

My son feels nothing for me. I realized I missed my father’s funeral FOR NOTHING. I didn’t complete my novel, travelling the world, helping the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when I was in my late teens and early twenties.
If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. I’ll get to how those dreams were crushed soon.

Read 10 Great Life Lessons To Remember

Let’s start with a description of me when I was 20.

It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. People loved me, and I loved people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The first was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless.

I had been dating my wife for four years by then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book was going to change the world. I would show the perspective of the ‘bad’ and the ‘twisted’, showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what they do is wrong.

I was 70 pages through when I was 20. I am still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacked around New Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia by the way). To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Philippines.

Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life to a 9-7 job.

What was I thinking? How could I live, when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10 pm, to wake up at 6 am the following day. God, I can’t remember the last time I’ve made love to my wife.

Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time, but I can’t comprehend it. It doesn’t even hurt. She says it’s because I’ve changed. I’m not the person I was.

What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really can’t say anything. Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am I? What happened to me?

I didn’t even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear as I write this. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realizing I have been dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. In university/college too. But I stayed loyal. I didn’t explore. I studied every day.

Read 50 Incredible Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. Now, I save every penny. I don’t remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for myself. What do I even want now?

My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my promotion. I haven’t seen him in 15 years.
When he died, I told myself it didn’t matter what I didn’t see him. Being an atheist, I rationalized that being dead, wouldn’t matter anyway.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Rationalizing everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses. Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that financial security was the most important thing. I now know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing nothing with my energy when I had it. My passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.

If you’re reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions.

Don’t stay on the internet with all your spare time (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something with your life while you’re young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family. Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be like me.

Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out there.

Read 8 Simple Lessons That People Take A Lifetime To Learn

TL: DR I realized I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired.

Sincerest of Regards,
John.
Via Reddit

Outlook

Don’t let regrets prevent you from living a fulfilling life. You have a lot to offer, and it’s okay if things didn’t work out. It simply means that you have something else to consider and work towards. Do something that makes you feel truly alive.


My Regrets as a 46 Year Old, and Advice To Others at a Crossroad

— About the Author —

Response

  1. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    Thank you! A lot!
    On my way!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

The Different Types Of Sleeping Positions And Their Impact On Your Health

Sleeping Types of Sleeping Positions and Their Benefits

Did you know that we spend about one-third of our life sleeping or at least trying to fall asleep? Most of us love to sleep. It helps us rest, reset and rejuvenate. But all of us have our own favorite sleeping positions and different types of sleeping position can offer different benefits. 

Well, there are mainly three types of sleeping positions – back, side, and stomach. While the position may vary a bit depending on the sleeper, these three positions are among the most popular. But which one is the perfect posture to sleep? And how does sleeping position affect health?

That’s what we are here to find out today. Whether you sleep on your side, back or stomach, it is essential to know about the different types of sleeping position and how it can affect our health so that you can have comfortable and uninterrupted sl



Up Next

5 Simple Ways To Find ‘Awe’ In The Ordinary

Simple Ways Of Finding Awe In Life

In the chaos and rushed nature of our lives, it’s easy to not even notice the wonderment that surrounds us. We’re here to show you 5 ways of finding awe in life and everyday situations.

These methods will allow you to view life through a new lens and put some magic behind the mundane.

Awe is something we all experience in different ways. Whether that be when you see a sunset so vibrant it looks photoshopped when holding a child for the first time, or even during spiritual experiences that move you so deeply they bring you to tears.



Up Next

Thinking Of Going On An ‘Introvert Vacation’? 10 Offbeat Travel Destinations For Introverts

Introvert Vacation? 10 Unusual Destinations For Introverts

If when thinking about a vacation, your mind easily goes to crowded places, the constant noise of traffic, and large gatherings then you have come to the right place. I understand that you just want an escape from all the noise and recharge your introvert batteries in peace, AKA, go on an ‘introvert vacation’.

Imagine this: a vacation tailor-made for you, the quiet connoisseur, and the master of comfortable silence. A peaceful escape where the only thing louder than your thoughts are the rustling of leaves. The only gathering being with snow and ice.

If you’re ready to swap attractions for sanctuaries and small talk for the sound of nature join us on this journey. Hop on one of these 10 interesting travel destinations for introverts and embrace your inner explorer.



Up Next

The Shocking Truth About How Stress Triggers Vertigo and Proven Tips for Self-Relief

Can Stress Cause Vertigo? Identify The Triggers And Vital Relief Tips!

We all deal with stress, but did you know it can do more than just mess with your mood? It can even make you feel dizzy and can even disorient you!

Vertigo isn’t just a simple dizziness; it’s a disorder that messes with our balance. It creates a feeling of movement even when none is happening. People with vertigo often describe it as feeling like the world is spinning around them. 

Now, imagine dealing with the usual stress on top of that!

In this article, we’ll dig into how can stress cause vertigo and explore simple ways to find relief. Whether it’s quick tips for immediate relief or strategies for handling stress in the long run, we’re here to help you regain your balance, even when life feels like a constant spin.

So join us as we explore the t



Up Next

30 Life-Changing Journal Prompts That’ll Boost Your Mental Well-being

Powerful Journal Prompts for Mental Health Strength!

Welcome to a journey of self-discovery and mental well-being! Many people resort to journaling as a method to take care of their mental health—it’s like a safe house for expressing feelings and evaluating oneself.

If you’re here with us, you are most likely interested in prioritizing your mental well-being. For this reason we have curated an exhaustive list of journal prompts for mental health strength, just for you!

Journaling enables you to organize your thoughts, get some clarity, and increase your mindfulness and self-awareness. Let’s explore the concept of journa



Up Next

60 Inspirational Christmas Messages to Renew and Uplift Your Holiday Spirit

Inspirational Christmas Messages to Spread This Season!

The holiday season is upon us, and what better way to spread the joy than with heartfelt words and motivational quotes? 

In this collection of 60+ Inspirational Christmas Messages to Spread Joy This Season, we dive into short messages, motivational quotes, and messages for happy holidays.  

Short Inspirational Christmas Messages

Begin your holiday greetings with simplicity and depth. Short inspirational christmas messages that carry the essence of the season:

1. Embrace the Magic



Up Next

December Holidays: 16 Spectacular Holidays Celebrated In December Around the World

Merry December Holidays Celebrated Around the World

In December, joy, warmth and festivities fill the air. As winter settles in and the year is rounded off, people from different backgrounds gather to celebrate a wide range of festivals. Let’s explore some of the most celebrated and fascinating December holidays from around the world.

16 Merry December Holidays

Want to know about the most heart-warming winter holidays around the world? 

Holidays celebrated in December offer a window into t