“If they substituted the word ‘Lust’ for ‘Love‘ in the popular songs it would come nearer the truth.”
As a psychiatrist, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. It’s important to tell the difference between lust and love. Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.
Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.
Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.
In my book “Guide to Intuitive Healing” I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose-colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.”
Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.
SIGNS OF LUST
SIGNS OF LOVE
Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.
FOUR NEGATIVE GUT FEELINGS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS (from Guide to Intuitive Healing )
Over the years, I’ve spoken at women’s prisons and domestic violence centers. My talk, “How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence,” focuses on showing women how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence.
Many women who’d been in abusive relationships admitted, “My gut initially told me something was wrong–but I ignored it.” The pattern was consistent. They’d say, “I’d meet a man. At first, he’d be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my gut that said ‘you better watch out’ as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked.” Some gut instincts though are anything but subtle.
On a first date, one woman landed in the hospital with an IV, retching from “psychosomatic” abdominal pain. But did that stop her from seeing the guy? No.
From these women, we gain a real-world lesson: no matter how irresistibly attractive someone appears, close attention to your gut will enable you to see beneath exteriors.