How To Tell The Difference Between Lust And Love

How To Tell Difference Between Lust Love

It’s easy to confuse the sexual connection because of a strong emotional connection. In a romantic relationship, it’s normal for wanting to be around someone all the time. But, is it love or just lust? It is important to know the difference between love and lust to know where your attraction and connection are stemming from, emotional attachment or a rush of hormones.

“If they substituted the word ‘Lust’ for ‘Love’ in the popular songs it would come nearer the truth.”  ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

As a psychiatrist, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. It’s important to tell the difference between lust and love. Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.

Understanding the difference between love and lust

Difference Between Love and Lust

Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.

Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws, and all.

Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose-colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.”

Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other.

Related: The Science Of Love: Lust, Attraction, Attachment & Brain Chemistry

Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.

Signs Of Lust

  • You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
  • You’re interested in getting physically intimate, but not in having conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after making out rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.

Signs Of Love

  • You want to spend quality time together with other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.

Another challenge of physical attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions.

Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.

Four Negative Gut Feelings About Relationships (From Guide to Intuitive Healing )

Difference Between Love and Lust

Watch for:

  • A little voice in your gut says “danger” or “beware.”
  • You have a sense of malaise, discomfort, or feeling drained after you’re together.
  • Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
  • You’re uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you’re afraid that if you mention it, you’ll push him or her away.

Over the years, I’ve spoken at women’s prisons and domestic violence centers. My talk, “How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence,” focuses on showing women how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence.

Related: Lust Or Love? How To Know If It’s Just A Rebound Or Something Real

Many women who’d been in abusive relationships admitted, “My gut initially told me something was wrong–but I ignored it.” The pattern was consistent. They’d say, “I’d meet a man. At first, he’d be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my gut that said ‘you better watch out’ as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked.”

Some gut instincts though are anything but subtle. On a first date, one woman landed in the hospital with an IV, retching from “psychosomatic” abdominal pain. But did that stop her from seeing the guy? No.

From these women, we gain a real-world lesson: no matter how irresistibly attractive someone appears, close attention to your gut will enable you to see beneath exteriors.

It’s so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you’re not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, “This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional Wellness


Written By Judith Orloff 
Originally Appeared In Judith Orloff M.D
Difference between love and lust
How To Tell The Difference Between Lust And Love Pin
How To Tell Difference Between Lust Love pin
Ads

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

How To Stop Missing Someone: 8 Practical Steps For Moving Forward And Finding Peace

How to Stop Missing Someone: Steps to Finding Resolution

Is your heart yearning for someone? Are you missing them deeply? When you miss someone you love, it can feel like a piece of your heart is missing, leaving a void that feels impossible to fill. So how to stop missing someone and get over this pain?

Whether it’s a friend who moved away, a loved one who passed away, or a romantic partner who is no longer in your life, missing someone can be an incredibly challenging and painful experience. 

But it is possible to get over that pain and shine with love in your heart. Today, we will explore the reasons why we miss someone and share practical strategies to help you navigate through the journey of healing and find solace in your cherished memories.

Why Do We Miss Someone?<



Up Next

4 Shocking Reasons Why You’re Losing Attraction To Your Husband And How To Reignite The Flame

Major Reasons Why You're Losing Attraction To Your Husband

Are you questioning the intensity of your attraction towards your husband? Perhaps you’ve noticed a gradual shift in your emotional and physical connection, leaving you feeling confused and concerned. What happens when you start losing attraction to your husband?

First of all, you are not alone. Today, let us talk about the delicate topic of losing attraction to one’s husband, exploring the various dimensions of this experience with empathy and understanding.

Whether you’re seeking solace or guidance, we aim to help you gain a better understanding of the situation by shedding light on the reasons behind losing attraction, its impact on relationships, and potential pathways towards rediscovering the spark.

The



Up Next

How To Express Your Love Genuinely: 17 Powerful Ways To Show That You Truly Love Someone

Practical Tips on How to Express Your Love Positively

Have you ever wondered how to express your love in meaningful ways? Love is perhaps the most magical and beautiful emotion that can completely transform our lives. Yet, we often find ourselves wondering how we can use heartfelt gestures to authentically and sincerely express our love.

This powerful emotion has the ability to bring joy, warmth, and fulfillment to our lives. Whether it’s the love for a partner, family member, friend, or even a pet, expressing our love is essential for building and maintaining strong, meaningful relationships. 

But sometimes, finding the right words or gestures to convey our love can be challenging. So today we will explore some of the simplest yet heartfelt ways to show that you love someone that will surely bring a smile to your loved one’s face.



Up Next

10 Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: How To Tell If Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: Beyond the Obvious

If you are googling “surprising and unexpected signs of cheating” at 2 in the morning, then you’ve come to the right place. Well, we all have been there. Suspicion and doubt can sneak up like an uninvited guest when it comes to your spouse; something tells you that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it.

When it comes to infidelity, it’s not always about the lipstick on the collar or mysterious phone calls at night. There can be many subtle signs of cheating that you might overlook and miss out on.

So go grab some coffee (or something stronger) and explore all the hidden signs you spouse



Up Next

Opening Up: How To Master Self Disclosure In Relationships For Deeper Connection And Understanding

How Self Disclosure in Relationships Can Transform Your Love

Is your relationship thriving or are you struggling to maintain emotional intimacy? The key to a strong, lasting relationship is mastering the art of self disclosure in relationships.

Have you ever shared your deepest secrets with someone you deeply care about? Have you dared to bare your soul and be vulnerable before your partner? If you have, congratulations! You know the secret to building a close, intimate relationship. 

Sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings with someone we love helps build strong bonds, deeper trust and an intense emotional connection.

Self-disclosure is the secret that unlocks the door to true intimacy and understanding. Today, we are going to explore what is self disclosure in psychology, what are the risks and benefits of self disclosur



Up Next

How To Move On From A Situationship? 3 Things That Can Help You

How To Move On From A Situationship? Things That Can Help

If you have ever been in a situationship, you know that it still hurts when it ends. So, how to move on from a situationship? In this article, we are going to talk about some of the best things to do if you’re trying to move on from a situationship.

A “situationship” is a romantic and/or sexual relationship that isn’t formally defined. You may know it by its other pop culture references like “friends with benefits,” “fun buddies,” or “booty call.”

People in situationships generally aren’t exclusively committed to each other and typically aren’t expected to fork over a ton of emotional investment.



Up Next

3 Reasons Why Alcohol Affects Your Relationship And What To Do About It

Alcohol Affects Your Relationship? Critical Reasons Why

Is alcohol impacting your relationship? If your answer is yes, then you’ve come to the right place. This article is going to explore how alcohol affects your relationship, the reasons behind it, and how to cut back on alcohol.

During an interview on the popular podcast The Tim Ferriss Show, famous entrepreneur and businessman Sir Richard Branson once suggested a simple yet important thought experiment to listeners.

We’ll paraphrase that thought experiment here:

Think back to the few biggest mistakes or arguments of your marriage. Now think how many of them occurred when one or both of you were und