Why We Love People We Can’t Have and How To Deal With It

Why We Love People We Can't Have and How To Deal With It

Loving someone you can’t have can take a huge emotional toll on you and your mental health. But why do we fall in love with people we can’t have?

Have you fallen love with someone who you can’t have?

Scratching your head wondering, “why do I always fall in love with someone I can’t have?” then wonder how to manifest the love you really want? From that specific person?

The law of attraction teachings make it sound so easy to manifest true love with a specific person.

The truth is like most things there’s more to it.

Maybe unrequited love is a frustrating, sickening pattern in your life.

You see someone and just get sucked in. Before you know it, you’re counting the seconds before you see them again. Hoping to catch a glimpse, dying to get more.

Maybe you’ve stayed up late, googling why you fall in love with someone you can’t have, or wonder how to attract a specific person, even though right now the odds seem completely stacked against you.

Maybe you’ve tried endless law of attraction methods to attract a specific person, meditated and even used magic to attract a specific person (SP).

Maybe you’ve even been to hours of therapy to sort this out.

Related: 8 Ways To Tell If He’s With You Just Because He’s Lonely

Ever wonder WHY you fall in love with emotionally unavailable people in the first place?

The answer is simple, but crushing.

Unrequited love keeps YOU unavailable as you wait.

Since you’ve already been auto-rejected by your love object’s total unavailability from the start, the risk of rejection is completely removed since you aren’t even a real option as a partner for them.

You’re completely free to love them from afar without the risk of them abandoning you since they (but also you) weren’t available from the start.

Since you put them out of your orbit from the beginning, you get the added ego benefit of striving and working for this lofty new goal. You have a cause. A grand journey.

“I just have to learn how to manifest a specific person” you tell yourself.

Then, in the chance you succeed in turning this situation around, you get to pretend it’s because you’re so irresistible and flawless at the law of attraction you couldn’t possibly be rejected after all that “work.”

But… behind closed doors you’ve been dealing out that rejection to yourself… for years.

Because a controlled burn can’t get that out of hand.

Falling in love with someone who has the capacity to actually love you back represents the REAL dragon.

After all, what if you opened up and let him see your real, soft, sweet, squishy dark heart and then he rejected you?

What if he leaves?

What if you let go of all this icky control, let someone genuinely love you back and you’re STILL not good enough?

What if he dies?

Oh hell no. You might die from that whole bullshit experience.

Better stay safe with these charming people who can’t really hurt you.

Falling in love with someone you can’t have might be frustrating and soul-crushing but it’s pretty “safe” because they can’t even really choose to reject you since “the situation” already has.

If you just fall for someone who can’t love you back, you get to stall. You’re also completely free to distract yourself with fast food, shitty connections with disposable people you don’t even want to see again since your “real” lover isn’t there.

Your real self gets to play in her playpen, safe from judgment. Never truly seen or heard, but completely devoid of accountability.

Safe from risking any gut-wrenching, soul-destroying, painful experience which might point out that she’s ACTUALLY as unworthy and crappy and empty as you knew all along.

2 thoughts on “Why We Love People We Can’t Have and How To Deal With It”

  1. LET IT ALL GO…NOW…AND GIVE TRUE LOVE A CHANCE. YOUR GOAL SHOULD BE TO LOVE YOURSELF ❤️ MORE THAN YOUR SOULMATE LOVES YOU. BUT THAT MIGHT BE THE FIRST GOAL IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU NEVER ACHIEVE AND MAY TAKE FOREVER AND THEN SOME

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