Loving someone you can’t have can take a huge emotional toll on you and your mental health. So why do we love someone we can’t have? Let’s learn how to deal with unrequited love!
Have you fallen love with someone who you canβt have?
Scratching your head wondering, βwhy do I always fall in love with someone I canβt have?β then wonder how to manifest the love you really want? From that specific person?
The law of attraction teachings make it sound so easy to manifest true love with a specific person.
The truth is like most things thereβs more to it.
Maybe unrequited love is a frustrating, sickening pattern in your life.
Why Do We Love Someone We Can’t Have? How To Deal With It
You see someone and just get sucked in. Before you know it, youβre counting the seconds before you see them again. Hoping to catch a glimpse, dying to get more.
Maybe youβve stayed up late, googling why you fall in love with someone you canβt have, or wonder how to attract a specific person, even though right now the odds seem completely stacked against you.
Maybe youβve tried endless law of attraction methods to attract a specific person, meditated and even used magic to attract a specific person (SP).
Maybe youβve even been to hours of therapy to sort this out.
Related: 8 Ways To Tell If Heβs With You Just Because Heβs Lonely
Ever wonder WHY you fall in love withΒ emotionally unavailableΒ people in the first place?
The answer is simple, but crushing.
Unrequited love keeps YOU unavailable as you wait.
Since youβve already been auto-rejected by your love objectβs total unavailability from the start, the risk of rejection is completely removed since you arenβt even a real option as a partner for them.
Youβre completely free to love them from afar without the risk of them abandoning you since they (but also you) werenβt available from the start.
Since you put them out of your orbit from the beginning, you get the added ego benefit of striving and working for this lofty new goal. You have a cause. A grand journey.
βI just have to learn how to manifest a specific personβ you tell yourself.
Then, in the chance you succeed in turning this situation around, you get to pretend itβs because youβre so irresistible and flawless at the law of attraction you couldnβt possibly be rejected after all that βwork.β
Butβ¦ behind closed doors youβve been dealing out that rejection to yourselfβ¦ for years.
Because a controlled burn canβt get that out of hand.
Falling in love with someone who has the capacity to actually love you back represents the REAL dragon.
After all, what if you opened up and let him see your real, soft, sweet, squishy dark heart and then he rejected you?
What if he leaves?
What if you let go of all this icky control, let someone genuinely love you back and youβre STILL not good enough?
What if he dies?
Oh hell no. You might die from that whole bullshit experience.
Better stay safe with these charming people who canβt really hurt you.
Falling in love with someone you canβt have might be frustrating and soul-crushing but itβs pretty βsafeβ because they canβt even really choose to reject you since βthe situationβ already has.
If you just fall for someone who canβt love you back, you get to stall. Youβre also completely free to distract yourself with fast food, shitty connections with disposable people you donβt even want to see again since your βrealβ lover isnβt there.
Your real self gets to play in her playpen, safe from judgment. Never truly seen or heard, but completely devoid of accountability.
Safe from risking any gut-wrenching, soul-destroying, painful experience which might point out that sheβs ACTUALLY as unworthy and crappy and empty as you knew all along.
βBetter keep her to myself, sheβs deformed. If he sees HER, oh my Godβ¦ then my secret will REALLY be out. Thereβs no way anyone would stick around if they knew the real me. Better stick with this (safely) impossible situation.β
Then you get to spend your precious time and vast amounts of emotional energy distracting yourself with plotting, planning, and scheming over βwhen the conditions changeβ or when you finally βwinβ him over and convince him to leave his wife, stop being a workaholic, return to your stone-dead relationship or seduce him.
Related: 6 Signs He Is Incapable Of Love
Then, THEN you would have REAL evidence of your irresistibility since you βwonβ at this impossible game you rigged from the start.
THEN youβll be ready for prime time.
THEN youβll be good enough.
Youβll even have the added bonus of undeniable (right..?) PROOF heβs so smitten with you he could never change his mind could he?
On the off chance you win, you get to hide in the illusion that since you turned this icky situation around with your complete irresistibility then you have nothing to fear. Youβre safe. Overcoming the odds just might prove your true worthiness.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
He couldnβt possibly go to to all this trouble to overcome the odds and jump through all these hoops and THEN dump you. No way.
The sick, sad truth is:
Your self-worth is in the toilet.
If it wasnβt, you would absolutely REFUSE to put yourself in this position or anything like itβ ever.
You might vaguely fantasize about some random personβs sheer physical hotness (since we all do)β but you would never lower yourself to βhelplesslyβ falling in love with someone you canβt have.
You would never even DREAM of saying to your precious, irresistible, goddess-self:
βYou know what? You are not WORTH big, amazing, vulnerable love. You have no choice but to play small because youβre not good enough. You should keep going with this impossible situation since you definitely donβt measure up to what youβre afraid to even admit you really want.β
You wouldnβt sit around wishing, waiting, and hoping for βyour turnβ with this person who isnβt yours. You wouldnβt scheme about getting rid of his relationship to insert yourself. You wouldnβt find ways to change the situation βin your favor.β
You wouldnβt even care. He would be a non-issue for you.
You canβt be hurt by anyone except yourself when youβre this committed to hiding.
So let me ask you.
Where did you get this faulty, shitty idea that you are so broken and crappy and second-rate that you have no choice but to lower yourself?
After all, itβs YOU who insists this is the way it has to be. That youβre some hapless victim of YOUR feelings around some situation that YOU rigged.
What if you stopped trying to control other peopleβs reactions to your carefully cultivated, fake, BULLSHIT persona built on NOTHING except people-pleasing and reputation management?
Even with the people closest to you who you SAY you love but donβt even know you?
What if you just stopped running that inner gauntlet of fun-house mirror insecurities and committed to doing this whole βlove thingβ straight as YOU?
Related: 7 Reasons Most People Fear Falling In Love
What if you stopped telling yourself all about everything wrong with you and started noticing everything thatβs OH SO RIGHT?
What if you dropped this whole struggle to attract someone specific, started building your gorgeous castle on bedrock and THEN attracted whoever you want?
Havenβt you had enough? βSo tell us what’d you think? Why do we want what we can’t have? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Written by Elizabeth Stone Originally appeared in AttractTheOne.com
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