7 Reasons Why Most People Fear Falling In Love

Written By:

Written By:

Reasons Why Most People Fear Falling In Love 1

Do you fear falling in love? Why are we so afraid of love? Today, we are going to talk about some of the biggest reasons why so many people fear falling in love and are scared of love, in general.

What keeps us from finding and keeping the love we say we want?

Around this time last year,ย Virgin Mobile USAย proclaimed Feb. 13 to be โ€œNational Breakup Day.โ€

They did so after conducting a survey in which 59 percent of people said that if they were looking to end their relationship, they would hypothetically do so before Valentineโ€™s Day to save money.

The beginning of the year is often said to see a spike in couple splits, with variousย sourcesย claiming that January hosts mostย divorceย filings and couple separations.

You may even have heard it referred to as โ€œNational Breakup Month.โ€ In this so-called breakup season, we may be unfortunate enough to witness once-happy couples splitting up left and right, or we may recount our own painful parting from a partner we once loved.

No matter what the timeline, the story of lost love is one most of us can tell. This leaves the question โ€œwhy do relationships fail?โ€ to linger heavily in the back of our minds.

The answer for many of us can be found within. Whether we know it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love. While our fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt.

These defenses may offer us a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep us from attaining the closeness we most desire.

So what drives ourย fears of intimacy? What keeps us from finding and keeping the love we say we want?

Related: 3 Myths About Love That Keeps You From Finding The One

7 Reasons Most People Fear Falling In Love

1. Real love makes us feel vulnerable.

A new relationship is uncharted territory, and most of us have natural fears of the unknown. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We are placing a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel exposed and vulnerable.

Ourย core defensesย are challenged.

Any habits weโ€™ve long had that allow us to feel self-focused or self-contained start to fall by the wayside. We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt.

Fear falling in love

2. New love stirs up past hurts.

When we enter into a relationship, we are rarely fully aware of how weโ€™ve been impacted by our history.

The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, starting from ourย childhood, have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we get close to as well as how we act in ourย romantic relationships.

Old, negative dynamics may make us wary of opening ourselves up to someone new.

We may steer away from intimacy because it stirs up old feelings of hurt, loss,ย angerย or rejection. Asย Dr. Pat Loveย said in an interview withย PsychAlive, โ€œwhen you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain,โ€ the pain you felt at not having it in the past.

3. Love challenges an oldย identity.

Many of us struggle with underlying feelings of being unlovable. We have trouble feeling our own value and believing anyone could really care for us.

We all have a โ€œcritical inner voice,โ€ which acts like a cruel coach inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving ofย happiness.

This coach is shaped from painful childhood experiences and critical attitudes we were exposed to early in life as well as feelings ourย parentsย had about themselves.

While these attitudes can be hurtful, over time, they have become engrained in us. As adults, we may fail to see them as an enemy, instead accepting their destructive point of view as our own.

These critical thoughts or โ€œinner voicesโ€ are often harmful and unpleasant, but theyโ€™re also comfortable in their familiarity.

When another person sees us differently from our voices, loving and appreciating us, we may actually start to feel uncomfortable and defensive, as it challenges these long-held points of identification.

Related: 7 Relationship Mindsets That Keep You From Finding Love

4. With real joy comes real pain.

Any time we fully experience true joy or feel the preciousness of life on an emotional level, we can expect to feel a great amount of sadness.

Many of usย shyย away from the things that would make us happiest, because they also make us feel pain. The opposite is also true. We cannot selectively numb ourselves to sadness without numbing ourselves to joy.

When it comes to falling in love, we may be hesitant to go โ€œall in,โ€ forย fearย of the sadness it would stir up in us.

5. Love is often unequal.

Many people Iโ€™ve talked to have expressed hesitation over getting involved with someone, because that person โ€œlikes them too much.โ€

They worry that if they got involved with this person, their own feelings wouldnโ€™t evolve, and the other person would wind up getting hurt or feeling rejected.

The truth is that love is often imbalanced, with one person feeling more or less from moment to moment. Our feelings toward someone are an ever-changing force. In a matter of seconds, we can feel anger, irritation or even hate for a person we love.

Worrying over how we will feel keeps us from seeing where our feelings would naturally go. Itโ€™s better to be open to how our feelings develop over time.

Allowing worry or guilt over how we may or may not feel keeps us from getting to know someone who is expressing interest in us and may prevent us from forming a relationship that could really make us happy.

Fear falling in love

6. Relationships can break your connection to your family.

Relationships can be the ultimate symbol of growing up. They represent starting our own lives as independent, autonomous individuals. This development can also represent a parting from our family.

Much like breaking from an old identity, this separation isnโ€™t physical. It doesnโ€™t mean literally giving up our family, but rather letting go on an emotional level โ€“ no longer feeling like a kid andย differentiatingย from the more negative dynamics that plagued our early relationships and shaped our identity.

7. Love stirs up existential fears.

The more we have, the more we have to lose.

The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality.

Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening. In an attempt to cover over this fear, we may focus on more superficial concerns, pick fights with our partner or, in extreme cases, completely give up the relationship.

We are rarely fully aware of how we defend against these existential fears. We may even try to rationalize to ourselves a million reasons we shouldnโ€™t be in the relationship. However, the reasons we give may have workable solutions, and whatโ€™s really driving us are those deeper fears of loss.

Related: I Donโ€™t Wanna Fall in Love with You!!

Most relationships bring up an onslaught of challenges. Getting to know our fears of intimacy and how they inform our behavior is an important step to having a fulfilling, long-term relationship.

These fear of falling in love can be masked by various justifications for why things arenโ€™t working out, however, we may be surprised to learn about all of the ways that weย self-sabotageย when getting close to someone else.

This is one of the subjects I will address in the upcoming eCourse โ€œCreating Your Ideal Relationship.โ€ By getting to know ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance of finding and maintaining lasting love.

Sign-up for Dr. Lisa Firestoneโ€™s FREE Webinar: โ€œHow YOU Can Improve Your Relationshipsโ€œ

Visit Psychalive for more resources.


Written by Lisa Firestone
Originally appeared on Psych Alive
7 Reasons Most People Fear Falling In Love
Reasons People Fear Falling Love Pin
afraid of love

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Romance, Roast And Giggles: 50+ Best Relationship Jokes

Best Relationship Jokes That Prove Love is Hilarious!

Love is a rollercoaster, and when you have an arsenal of the best relationship jokes, it makes the ride even more fun! Be it a new romance, a long-term relationship, or you simply just adore some corny love jokes, these hilarious couple jokes will have you cracking up.

From dating disasters to hilarious marriage moments, relationships come with plenty of comedy material. Because letโ€™s be honestโ€”love isnโ€™t always candlelit dinners and sweet texts. Sometimes, itโ€™s forgetting anniversaries, stealing blankets, and arguing over where to eat.

So, hold on to your partner right, and enjoy these funny jokes about love!

Up Next

Break Up On Valentines Day? 16 Self-Care Tips When You’ve Been Un-Valentined

Break Up On Valentines Day? Self-Care Tips When You've Been Un-Valentined

The ultimate love fest is around the corner. For some, it’s the best day of the year, but for others, it’s when things fall apart. If youโ€™ve had a break up on valentines day or before, weโ€™ll give you some tips on how to mend your broken heart.

A breakup on the big day or before it, can feel like your entire world is falling apart and to be honest, itโ€™s the loneliest feeling ever because every tv commercial and nook and corner is filled with couples or about love.

So, we’ve got your back with a roadmap for handling break up on Valentine’s day and even thriving after. But before that let me tell you that this situation is not something youโ€™ll face alone, there are many more people whoโ€™ve got their heart broken as wellโ€ฆ

You’re Not

Up Next

7 Best On-Screen Couples Ranked by How Likely They Are to Stay Together

Best On-Screen Couples Ranked: Which Pair Will Last Forever?

Love on screen is pure magic. The stolen glances, the grand gestures, the dramatic reunions in the pouring rainโ€”itโ€™s the kind of romance that makes our hearts race and our eyes misty. But letโ€™s be honest, not all of these couples would actually last if they had to deal with, you know, real life. Bills? Stress? That annoying habit of leaving wet towels on the bed? Some of them would crumble faster than a rom-com breakup montage.

Thatโ€™s why weโ€™re taking a closer look at the best on-screen couples ranked โ€”but not just by chemistry or cuteness. No, no. Weโ€™re going deeper. Who would actually survive the test of time? Who would fight over the thermostat and call it quits? And who would grow old together, still making each other laugh after all these years?

Some love stories are built to last. Others? Wellโ€ฆ letโ€™s just say they be

Up Next

40+ Funny Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That Will Leave Him Cracking Up

Funny Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That'll Crack Him Up

If you want to keep the spark alive in your relationship, and fill your conversations with humor and laughter, then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to do a deep dive into some of the best and funny questions to ask your boyfriend.

Whether youโ€™re looking for funny questions to ask your partner during a road trip, a lazy Sunday, or just to break the ice, a little humor goes a long way. After all, who doesnโ€™t love a good laugh?

If you want to tease his goofy side, and get him to wrack his mind in ridiculously funny ways, then this list of questions will surely do the trick.

When it comes to funny questions to ask your partner to make him laugh, this is one of the sneaky ways to also get to know him better – his

Up Next

What Really Predicts Relationship Satisfaction?

Relationship Satisfaction Important Things To Know

Does good communication truly determine relationship satisfaction, or are there deeper factors at play? Letโ€™s explore the truth behind long-term happiness between partners.

The paradox of communication.

Key points

Timing and context matter as much as communication itself.

Simply improving communication might not be enough.

Mutual goals strengthen relationship satisfaction.

Up Next

Is the Romance Gone? What to Do When Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate

Does Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate? Hereโ€™s How to Fix It

When your partner feels like a roommate, the spark can start to fizzle, leaving the relationship stuck in autopilot. But donโ€™t worryโ€”there are plenty of ways to deal with emotional distance and bring back the excitement.

KEY POINTS

When partners feel like roommates, it’s a sign of a pattern of mutual emotional withdrawal.

Instead of leaning on each other, partners have been going to their separate corners, being hyper-independent.

To break this pattern, partners need to learn to take emotional risks: sharing their feelings and needs.

Withdrawing behavior is

Up Next

Which Romance Trope Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

Which Romance Trope Are You? Zodiac Romantic Love Tropes

Valentineโ€™s Day 2025 will soon be here, so have you wondered which romance trope are you like? Your zodiac sign might lead you to your perfect love story. Letโ€™s explore!

Maybe youโ€™re a passionate love, or perhaps a slow burn that evolves into something beautiful over time? Each zodiac sign has its own set of traits that align with some of the most beloved romance tropes.

From forbidden attraction, or the classic โ€œopposites attractโ€, thereโ€™s a love story that mirrors your zodiac essence. So, what romance trope are you? Letโ€™s dive into the stars and see the zodiac signs as romance tropes!

Read More Here: