Do you often regret not having a better relationship with your parents and yet feel apprehensive about doing something about it? Love hate relationship with parents is a pretty common occurrence and it’s rooted in one’s dysfunctional childhood.
Are you tired of people telling you things like “they did the best they could” or “blood is thicker than water” when you talk about your tumultuous relationship with your parents?
After all, how on earth can someone avoid or ignore their parents who have attended their soccer games, cheered them during their recitals, attended PTA meetings, and did everything in their power to give their child a secure future, right?
Well, not really! Sometimes when a child goes through significant childhood trauma, also known as Adverse Childhood Experiences, they develop a troubled relationship with their parents, fueling the phenomenon of the love hate relationship with parents.
If you have grown up in a household where your primary caregivers were unstable, abusive, negligent, or unavailable, chances are you are harboring some amount of resentment toward them.
Anger toward parents can lead to long-term psychological and relational implications, including a complicated relationship between you and your parents, marked by feelings of love and hate.
Do abusive parents affect their children’s behavior? Yes, negative parental treatment can significantly affect a child’s emotional development and be the underlying reason why some children foster a love hate relationship with their parents, where they feel rage against the toxic parents yet cannot grow out of their shadow.
Read: Covert Narcissist Parent
5 Reasons For Love Hate Relationship With Parents
Now let’s take a look at the contributing factors behind the love hate relationship with parents.
Did you receive physical abuse as a form of disciplinary action? Were you manipulated to take sides between two parents?
Children depend on their parents for security, nourishment, and comfort. But when a parent fails to provide unconditional love and instead subjects the child to abusive treatment, be it physical, emotional, or sexual, it’s easy to imagine how the child’s sense of self can crumble. Such traumatic experiences can make a kid deeply insecure and form a love hate relationship with parents.
2. Playing Favorites
If you were always compared to your sibling and made to believe that you are not good enough, a love hate relationship with parents could have germinated in your vulnerable young psyche. You are forever torn between your need to impress them and to have nothing to do with them.
On the other hand, if you have been the golden child and were always burdened with unrealistic expectations to make your parents proud by being the best in all realms of your life, the phenomenon of love hate relationship with parents could have grown with you along your journey from childhood to adulthood. You care about your parents’ validation and also want to break free from their overbearing ways.
3. Violation Of Boundaries
When parents disregard their child’s personal space, the child starts feeling smothered and devalued.
If your parents constantly hovered around you, meddled in your personal life, criticized your choices, and tried to control who you date or go out with even after you grew up, it’s natural for you to develop the psychological complication of a love hate relationship with parents.
You crave freedom and at the same time feel lost without their controlling and dominating influence.