Then you find yourself more interested in what other people are saying, particularly when they are in the process of challenge and new experiences. Armed with new motivation, you start bringing in your own excitement about transformation and attempt to get him to join you in looking differently at the world.
He acknowledges that you are happier exploring new options, but says he’s really fine the way he is.
6. Diminishing Nostalgia: You’ve abandoned your shared memories.
When times were a little hard in your past, she would always remind you how important it was to hold on to the things you loved about each other and the great memories from the past.
She would make you focus on the delicious moment when you first chose each other, and share those feelings as if they were happening at the moment.
Once, when there wasn’t enough money in your mutual bank account, she found that special book you loved as a child. You’ll never forget her funny, squeaky laugh when she found the puppy in the middle of the bed that you’d seen at the pound.
She knew you didn’t have a mom to nurse you when you were sick as a kid. At the slightest mention that something was not quite right, she’d immediately take care of you no matter what she had to let go of to do so.
She always made you feel that everything would be okay, even when the situation seemed irresolvable. Now, she doesn’t seem to want to go there anymore.
She’s only focused on what’s missing and why the future isn’t brighter. No matter what you do to lighten the moment, or to bring back nostalgia, she is all about the practical, how to just fix what’s wrong, and then get on with it.
You often find yourself alone in your sweet memories and unable to get her to experience them with you anymore. You still love each other enough but wonder how you’ll keep regenerating when things don’t go as planned if you can’t hold on to what was once sacred.
Even just one of these warning signs can signal a relationship that is in trouble.
Intensity, frequency, and duration are further dimensions. You may experience several of these behaviors simultaneously, but they happen rarely, last a short time, and are far apart.
“In between” commitment, love, and regeneration fill your relationship. If that is so, you have no reason for concern. If, however, even one of them is happening over and over and increasing in intensity and duration, it sometimes is a stronger indication of an underlying problem.
The earlier you are able to identify a partner who is disconnecting more often—finding fault with many of your behaviors, increasing his or her need to control, acting in suspicious ways, living in old rituals and patterns, or forgetting the sacred things you share—you owe it to each other to bring those behaviors to light and ask your partner for help.
When you are courageous enough to face these warning signs of diminishing intimacy before they get out of hand, it will be easier for you and your partner to turn things around.
Intimacy is the act of living in the heart of your beloved.
When relationships move from intertwined to parallel, that bond weakens. But it doesn’t have to break. If you and your partner become aware that you are losing the intimacy that once fed that bond, you can change your behavior and bring back the closeness you once treasured.
Dr. Randi’s free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding romantic love and how to avoid the dreaded “honeymoon is over” phenomenon.
Written by Randi Gunther